So, I'm sitting in a large teal mini-van with my father-in-law, driving up to Minnesota for part two of my Spring Road Trip trilogy:
Spring Road Trip: The Hunt for the Golden Weasel (released last week to rave reviews)
Spring Road Trip: The Vikingland Nuptuals (currently in production)
Spring Road Trip: The Unfrozen Tundra Party (in pre-production)
And because this isn't a Star Wars feature, I don't expect the second act to be the crowning achievement of these excursions. Combine my lack of enthusiasm for the trip with a burning desire to avoid a five hour discussion about how modern music is a disgrace and the last great rock song came out in the early 70's, and I am left with a lot of time to my thoughts. And, shockingly, I have come to a painful realization.
If Kenosha is the armpit of Wisconsin, then Detroit is the asshole of the Midwest.
No, not that. We already knew that.
I am a baseball fan.
I don't just tolerate it, I don't pay attention to just the Brewers. I am a baseball fan.
When the fuck did this happen?
Those who know me realize how big of a deal that is. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and I'm trying to recapture my youth. Maybe it's because I've started playing fantasy baseball, which is like a fucking aphrodesiac for math geeks like me. Hell, maybe it's because my brain is trying to hedge out my sports investments in case the Packers are entering a playoff recession. But whatever the reason, I have caught myself watching an entire baseball game without somebody else saying, "Hey, mind if we watch the game?" This scares me.
The next thing you know, I'll be sitting down to watch an entire NASCAR race.
Note: This will not happen. I have not developed a slack-jaw or changed my name to Cletus.
Maybe it's not such a bad thing. I can participate in intelligent discussions now about the Brewers without feigning interest. I have something to pay attention to in the spring and summer. I can sit still for 3+ hours and not contemplate the number of ways to end my existence.
So, bring it on, baseball! I can handle you now. Oh, and if you'd get the Brewers to play some consistent ball, that would be great.
Shit. I'm being asked if I can explain exactly who this "Fall Out Boy" is and if I really think this kid could hold a candle to Jimmy Page. This is going to be a long weekend.