Wednesday, June 4, 2008

The Emailers Do Not Like Anthony Witrado.

Not one, but two emails today in the JSOnline Brewers Mailbag telling Anthony Witrado that he's an asshole. Good times!

Q: John of Pittsburgh - I've only read a few dozen emails, but I must say to Anthony that you come off as an arrogant know-it-all, yet you don't even seem to have the reporting knack to find out how they clean the bleachers/seats at the park (a legit question). I'm fairly sure this won't make the mailbag, but you should know that this is the way you are seen to one outsider (Yes, still a Buccos fan after all the losing :( ... sigh) I hope you can take this as simple constructive criticism and not a personal attack. Regards, JS

To sum up, then, John of Pittsburgh -- you took the time to write an email to a person you don't like, who's the beat reporter of a team you don't even cheer for, in a city you don't even live in ... all to ask how the seats are cleaned at the park? Say-wha-huh? Do they not have brooms and towels yet in Pennsylvania?

Q: Justin of Milwaukee - Anthony, you come off like an arogant prick with your responses. Valid questions are only met with sarcastic non-answers. Doesn't take much to be a Brewers beat writer, does it?

I've always found it best, when informing a local journalist that he's a shithead, to be perfect in spelling and grammar. I once sent Dale Hofmann a seven-paragraph missive after a particularly nasty hatchet job on Marquette; I recall the headline of the column included words about an opposing team being "too rich" for MU. So I emailed Dale and pointed out -- quite even-temperedly, I thought -- that it wasn't fair to paint all Marquette students with the "spoiled rich brat" brush when many of us come from hard-working, middle-class families. And then after I sent it, I noticed that I spelled the fucker's name wrong. He probably stopped reading right there.

So, Justin of Milwaukee -- the next time you tell Anthony Witrado that he's a prick, make sure you spell "arrogant" correctly. You fucking moron.

That said, these fellas might have a point. Anthony Witrado is kind of an idiot:

Q: A.J. of Milwaukee - What value does Craig Counsell bring to this team? He doesn't hit for average. He doesn't hit for power. He doesn't have a lot of speed. He makes the routine plays, but so do most other reserves. How about replacing him with someone who actually adds something to the roster? Bill Hall can cover shortstop or second base if there is an emergency.

A: Anthony Witrado - What about when Bill Hall plays 3B?

Forgot to mention: apparently Russell Branyan and Joe Dillon are dead in this hypothetical situation.

Counsell is valuable. He is the kind of guy who makes sure you don't lose anything when someone else sits.

What the fuck does this even mean?
He "makes sure you don't lose anything when someone else sits"? Is he like the St. Anthony of the Infield?

"Hey, Craigers, I can't find my glove."

"Don't worry, friend, it's here under your shoe."

"Oh! Sure enough! Thanks, Craig Counsell. You always make sure I don't lose anything. I would be playing barehanded if it weren't for you."

And it's not like JJ Hardy is totally mashing right now anyway.

Didn't he hit a two-run homer last night
? Hell, I'd argue that this is about as good as it gets for the "real" JJ Hardy -- not to be confused with the alien doppelganger JJ that hit 15 homers before the All-Star break last year.

Plus Counsell has postseason and World Series experience and is a veteran who's been through some wars. This team doesn't have many of those guys.

Oh. Good. He's Master Splinter, then. Sit at his feet and learn, young turtles.

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