Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Oh, To See the World Like SB's Tony Gwynn.

On a day when the sky is sprinkled with clouds, some of us will look up and say: "What a great day!  Look at all that blue sky!"  Others of us will look up and say: "Fuck, it better not fucking rain.  I'm gonna punch a weatherman in the nuts if it rains today."

I'm in group two.  My great and good friend SB's Tony Gwynn: group one.

To illustrate, let's review and summarize TG's epic player rankings:

1. Braun - LOVE him.

2. Hart - Love him, too.

3. Fielder - Luv him.  Afraid he might not reciprocate, but still luv him.

4. Sheets - Love him, willing to volunteer to massage his cha-cha if it will help the team.

5. Torres - Recently fell in love with him after short courtship.  Hoping for a long-lasting relationship.

6. Gallardo - Love him.  Care for him as a parent cares for a toddler.  No more boo-boos, please.

7. Villanueva - Love him as a reliever.

8. Parra - Puppy love.

9. Kapler - Meshugah for this guy.

10. Dillon - Bench love.

11. Suppan - Consistent, veteran love.

12. Kendall - Gritty love.

13. Branyan - Platoon love.

14. Hardy - Ignore-the-evidence-about-his-subpar-defense love.

15. Weeks - Tough luck love.  Hang in there, guy!

16. Counsell - Not-sure-what-he-brings-to-the-table love.

17-23 – Bushy, DiFelice, Dillard, McClung, Mota, Shouse, Tavarez - On-and-off love.

24. Rivera - Making the most of his chances love.

25. Hall - Would-like-to-love-you-more love.

26. Cameron - Looked good a month ago love.

27. Gagne (DL) – But it's only $10 million! love.


Now, if it were me making those rankings?  It wouldn't be a very long post.

1. Braun - Member of the Corey Hart "I am a MAN" Club.

2. Hart - Founding member of Corey Hart "I am a MAN" Club.

3 - 27. The rest of you fuckers - just lost two of three to the fucking Rockies.  The fuck is wrong with you fucktards?  Pick it up.

Yeah, TG's outlook on life makes for a much more interesting read.  It's also the reason he'll still be kicking when he's 95 and I'll be dead in 20 years.

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