Thursday, July 3, 2008

I Don't Think MikeHunt Understands Words.

This is a couple of days old, but everyone's favorite bad word for a bajingo had this to say about the likelihood of the Brewers trading for C.C. Sabathia:

The variables ... are too numerous right now.

I excised a terrible joke about the band Earth, Wind, and Fire that revealed MikeHunt to be an even bigger loser than anyone could have imagined. Trust me, you don't want to hear what he had to say. Put it this way: however lame you thought MikeHunt was, multiply it by eleventy-billion. Then you'll be in the ballpark.

Anyway, getting back to the point of this exercise. Clearly, you know where MikeHunt is going with this. He's not going to take a position on anything, as per usual. But explore with me MikeHunt's understanding of the word "variable," which Merriam-Webster defines as "able or apt to vary; subject to variation or changes":

The Cleveland Indians must remain out of contention, which is likely. They've also got to be motivated to move the reigning American League Cy Young winner, a given since the Indians can't afford to re-sign Sabathia.

If you're scoring at home, MikeHunt has just listed two things which aren't going to change under the heading of "variable."

The Brewers will have to be in contention by the unrestricted trading deadline at the end of the month, also probable. And then they will need the players to satisfy the Indians, a near-certainty should the Brewers wish to part with pieces of their future in exchange for the possibility of winning now.


Whoops, spoke too soon. That's now FOUR things that MikeHunt says aren't going to change that qualify as "variables."

Coming tomorrow: MikeHunt is asked, "Will there be life on earth tomorrow?"

Too many variables to say for certain, MikeHunt writes. The sun will have to come up, the oceans can't spontaneously evaporate, the ozone layer will need to stay in place, and a meteor can't smack into Africa, causing a massive amount of dust and ash and other crap to block out the sun, thereby stopping photosynthesis and destroying the food chain.

But he's not done yet!

So here's the only thing we currently know:

You mean besides the four "variables" that you just listed?

Christ on crutches.

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