Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Pledge to Dick Weeks.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes clear that management is not willing to take a miserable piece of shit like Dick Weeks out of the lineup, or to remove him from the organization entirely, it falls to said organization's fans to take matters into their own hands.

So, here's my pledge to you, fucknut:

I am going to hunt you.

And I mean this literally, Dick: you and I are going to recreate "The Most Dangerous Game" in the Menomonee Valley, and I'm going to be General Zaroff.

And, yes, Dick, I know that General Zaroff didn't succeed in hunting the other guy, but this isn't about killing you. No, this is just about keeping you away from the team for the rest of the year. King Ned isn't willing to take you out of the lineup, despite the fact that you are a sub-par -- if not downright terrible -- baseball player in every facet of the game. And Melvin won't cut you, even though we've got a much better option (Durham) sitting on the bench. So, Dick, I have to take matters into my own hands, and the only option left is hunting you with an antique elephant gun.


Devil's Threesome said...

The problem is that Durham isn't much better defensively, but I'm sure he can turn a routine double play. Time to bury Rickie on the bench and then release him after the season. He's been given 4 years and hasn't improved one bit. He's 7th among NL 2B in fielding percentage and in the bottom half in range and zone factors. Batting, he's dead last among NL second basemen in batting average, 6th in OBP, 10th in RBI, 2nd in K's despite his stint on the DL. What more ammo is needed to pull the plug. This is not a tweak and then he gets better situation. He's had four injury plagued, called third strikes, hold-your-breath-when-hit-to-second seasons. Pussy.

Rubie Q said...

You forgot to throw in the fact that he's a below-average baserunner, too. He's fast, sure, but his instincts on the basepaths are terrible and he runs into outs constantly.

It ain't happening. Not now, not ever. He's a bust.

Reid You Animal! said...

Hey, this sounds familiar.


Devil's Threesome said...

Wow, Haudricourt lays it all out there. That's nice to see. It's funny to read through the comments - everyone agreed.

Rubie Q said...

Christ. I really wish that lazy fuck would do his own work instead of hijacking my ideas.