Pursuant to the articles of incorporation of Quevedo at the Buffet, Inc., I am designated as our official Nattering Nabob of Negativity. Accordingly, whenever one of our local teams coughs up a game in spectacularly atrocious fashion, or one of our allegedly-retired quarterbacks decides to drop trou and start taking a dump on his legacy and his former team, I am required to post something here. I rip without abandon, mostly because I'm very shallow.
For the past week, with the Brewers riding roughshod over the Giants and St. Louis LaRussas, I've had nothing to contribute. I thought that was going to change last night. I thought I was going to have to write my first post ripping Corey Hart. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Corey seems to have three gears: he either plays really well, or just OK (maybe 0-3 with a run scored, something like that), or really, really, otherworldly, unfathomably, stomach-turningly bad. He doesn't do the last one all that often, but when he does -- Lawdy. Oh-for-five, grounds into two double plays (and should've been three, if the turn at second base would've been better) to snuff out two potential rallies, makes an inexcusable error with two down, allowing the go-ahead run to score. He did the same thing against the Twins earlier this year, leaving a steaming pile of excrement all over the field.
Anyway, I don't have to write about that, because Ryan Braun did what a MAN does when a MAN's team is cornered -- lashed out like a starved wolverine and clawed Ryan Franklin's eyes out. In fact, Braun's homer led to the first-ever Emergency Conference of the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club's Naming Committee, convened to debate whether the name of the Club should actually be the "Ryan J. Braun I Am A MAN" Club.
So, long story short, I'll continue to sit quietly and enjoy my time off. Thanks, Brauny.