Thursday, September 11, 2008

Philly Preview & Predictions

This is a series fraught with danger. The Brewers are 4 games up on not only the Phillies, but suddenly the Astros and Cardinals! Holy shit Batman, that's what happens when you fail to properly secure the door at an MU party. The next thing you know, assholes like the Al-toids and random bums asking for gas money have infested your party and are drinking your beer. We didn't really have girls, but if we did, they would be fucking our women...on the washing machine. On the bright side, the Crew is playing on the road, which has to be better than the nervous, quietly poisonous atmosphere of Miller Park, particularly with DT3 attending (0-5 since last Tuesday)

Game 1 - Sheets vs Moyer: Biggest start of Sheets's career, the Olympics don't count. Moyer, well, he wrote the Book of Leviticus, which means Braun will strike out multiple times. This game is really, really important and I'm really concerned b/c we don't hit soft tossers well and Torres can't pitch a 4th day in a row. In normal circumstances, I'd like our chances, but not here. 4-2 Phils on a bullpen spit the bit job after a SOLID Sheets start.

Game 2 - Parra vs Hamels: I just vomited in my mouth. Reid and I saw a fat woman who had pissed herself after the game on Tuesday. That will be Parra on Friday. I'll be delighted if he goes 5 and only gives up 4. Chances of that? Zero. Because Parra is the biggest fucking pussy on the team. 10-2 Phils.

Game 3 - Bush vs Blanton: What a treat for America on the Fox Saturday game of the week, a Dave Bush-Joe Blanton matchup. I wish the result would be determined by a Bush-Blanton foot race, then we'd be a shoe-in. I think we'll get to Blanton because he'll be distracted by the cheesesteak in his back pocket. Another solid start for Bush, I'm starting to come around on this guy. He's not an anchor for the rotation but I'll take Dave Bush as a 4 or 5 any day. Brewers win 5-3.

Game 4 - Suppan vs Kendrick: PILLOW FIGHT!! I am really starting to hate Jeff Suppan. The guy sucks asshole. He nibbles with shitty ass hitters, then walks them and then they score. Simply ass equation. But, he's our most experienced pitcher. I don't know what to say here - I'm torn. I guess we'll get the same craptacular start from Soup - 6 innings, four runs. Brewers lose 6-4.

That's it folks, our best chance for a win is when Dave Bush starts. We have to root for a Cubs sweep of Houston. I hate this game of baseball.


Devil's Threesome said...

The DT3 off the cuff odds for wins in each game:
Game 1: 45%
Game 2: .0000000000000000001%
Game 3: 60%
Game 4: 49%

Rubie Q said...

The fuck did Parra do to inspire you with that much confidence? If there was a percentage less than 0, I'd multiply that by 50, and that's the chance we win the game with Parra on the mound.

I said this a month ago: he's used up for the year. He's never pitched this much in his life, and, if that wasn't enough, he's as soft as marshmallow fluff.

Rubie Q said...

Also: fuck Manny Parra.

FPMKE said...

I like the reference to that crazy black dude Taiwan that used to show up at the Kensington and sometimes at Marquette One. He really liked keg beer, rail shots, and white chicks. I remember having to kick him out of my place one night after he asked if he could sleep on the couch (and by kick him out, I mean politely asking him to leave and find another couch).

EMoney said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Moongoose McQueen said...

He was at least kind enough to let me win a few hands now and then. I don't know what kind of crazy Hearts/Spades type game we were playing, but I thought I was at least doing a good job of staying competitive.