Thursday, September 25, 2008

Rhetorical Question:

How does Ben Sheets even show his face when Yovani Gallardo walks into the clubhouse?

Captain Vagina: "Hey, Yo. Ready to pitch tonight?"

Yo the Stud: "Gosh, I hope so. You know, it was only four months ago that my ACL decided to take up residence in my thigh. But, since I'm a man and not a fucking fairy, I'm going to give it a shot tonight."

Captain Vagina: "Yeah, I know what you mean. When I throw a ball now, my elbow tickles a little bit. I mean, there's nothing structurally wrong with it -- which, as best I can understand, means that there's NOT A FUCKING THING WRONG WITH IT AT ALL. But, boy, that little tickle. Just completely throws me off my game. (sniffs) Hey, do I smell like rotten tuna to you?"

Yo the Stud: "Yes, there is a distinct odor of rotten tuna coming from your direction. Well, I better take my recently-shredded knee out to the bullpen to get ready."

Captain Vagina: "Alright, kid. Good luck out there. I'm going to be rubbing Me-Gay all over my arm to see if I can get this tickle to go away. Then I'm going to trim my hair into a landing strip pattern; I've gotten bored with the Dorito-chip style I'm going with now."

Yo the Stud: (shoots Ben Sheets in the face with a shotgun)

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