How does Ben Sheets even show his face when Yovani Gallardo walks into the clubhouse?
Captain Vagina: "Hey, Yo. Ready to pitch tonight?"
Yo the Stud: "Gosh, I hope so. You know, it was only four months ago that my ACL decided to take up residence in my thigh. But, since I'm a man and not a fucking fairy, I'm going to give it a shot tonight."
Captain Vagina: "Yeah, I know what you mean. When I throw a ball now, my elbow tickles a little bit. I mean, there's nothing structurally wrong with it -- which, as best I can understand, means that there's NOT A FUCKING THING WRONG WITH IT AT ALL. But, boy, that little tickle. Just completely throws me off my game. (sniffs) Hey, do I smell like rotten tuna to you?"
Yo the Stud: "Yes, there is a distinct odor of rotten tuna coming from your direction. Well, I better take my recently-shredded knee out to the bullpen to get ready."
Captain Vagina: "Alright, kid. Good luck out there. I'm going to be rubbing Me-Gay all over my arm to see if I can get this tickle to go away. Then I'm going to trim my hair into a landing strip pattern; I've gotten bored with the Dorito-chip style I'm going with now."
Yo the Stud: (shoots Ben Sheets in the face with a shotgun)