Monday, September 15, 2008

Your Monday Morning Smart-Assery.

Busy weekend. With apologies to the great Tim Keown, let's get to it:

(1) It was oft-said that the only benefit of the Brewers Collapse of '07 was that it would serve as a 'learning experience': Left unsaid was that the Collapse served as a learning experience for Brewers fans, not the players or coaches. The lesson, as always: never trust a Ned Yost-led team, no matter how big the lead.

Anyone shocked that the Brewers got swept in Philly? The lone surprise was that the Brewers held the Phils to 6 runs in the nightcap of yesterday's double-header. I penciled the Phillies for a 12-2 win.

(2) A variation on SB's Tony Gwynn's beloved 'If I had told you before the start of the season...' line: If I had told you before the start of the season that the Brewers would treat you to another epic bed-shitting at the end of the season, pissing away yet another formidable lead ... would you have bothered to watch the past five months of baseball?

Close call for me. I probably would have watched when CC pitched, just so I could tell my grandkids that the Brewers (who, by the time I have grandkids, will be playing in Rockford and be renamed the Peaches) once had a legitimate ace on their staff.

(3) The Milwaukee Brewers Baseball Club: Where Ownership Changes, But Incompetence Is Still The Name Of The Game: Let me get this straight: we've decided to let Frank Kremblas go because the Sounds -- stripped of all useful parts and forced to play Tony Gwynn, Jr. for much of the season -- limped to the finish, but Ned Yost got to coach this year despite the fact that his teams have collapsed in the second half of every season he's been the manager? (Holy terrible syntax, Batman.) Makes sense.

(4) Your weekend Yosting: I didn't bother to watch the game on Saturday -- I mean, you had to see that Parra was going to dick the dog (credit to Sheets' Va Jay Jay) there -- so I don't know if King Ned fucked up at all. I did catch parts of the double-header yesterday, though, so I can comment on two things:

(a) I understand moving Jon Hart to the lead-off spot, since he's proven himself completely worthless as a five hitter over the last month. But why, why why WHY WHY WHY do you move BRAUN to the five-spot? He homered on Saturday, yes? Showed signs of coming out of his malaise, eh? So you're going to get him less at-bats by hitting him fifth? Move Durham there. Move Cameron there. Both are better options than Hart, and both allow Braun to hit third.

(b) You're Ned Yost. You're tied in the eighth inning of a must-have game. Your best reliever over the last month (I can't believe I actually typed those words), Bill Mota, has given up a lead-off single. With Utley and Howard coming up, you decide to bring in your leftie specialist, 84-year-old Brian Shouse. After Utley bunts the lead-off man to second, you decide to walk Howard. Can't much quibble with this, since he's owned every Brewers pitcher in this series.

Up comes Pat Burrell with two on and one out. You decide to leave Brian Shouse in the game.


Are you trying to get yourself fired at this point?

(4) "Boy, that Favre, he just loves the game so much, look at him sitting on the bench all by himself, not talking to anyone -- he's like a kid in a candy store, I tell ya": How's that decision working out, No. 4? Happy that Bill Belichick gets to fuck with your head again in a few weeks? Enjoying the scrutiny of the New York fans?

Who had Week 2 in the "Week that Brett Favre throws a back-breaking interception and Jets fans realize, 'Hey, this guy looks kind of old out there'"?

(5) Ted Thompson would like to invite you to enjoy a warm glass of 'shut the fuck up': Sorry 'bout that, Mr. Thompson, sir. Maybe you do know what you're doing. We'll sit quietly now, sir. Yes, sir, we do understand that you would be well within your rights to tell us all to 'get fucked' after the way we treated you this summer. Yes, sir, we are glad that you're a good Christian and won't use the words 'get fucked.'

(6) Big 11 football fever -- like shingles, only more painful: Maybe you could bring the varsity team next time, Mr. Tressel?

And as for you, DickRod: Notre Dame is so fucking shitty that their coaches are getting hurt during the games, and you still can't beat them? What the fuck is going on with that white running back? Are you channeling Travis Jervey?

The only good thing about the weekend: Wisconsin wins again. No, I'm not sick. I just happen to know that, historically, the Badgers play like dog-shit when the most is expected of them. Top 10 ranking? Check. Favored team in the Big 11? Check. Monumental collapse ...


Devil's Threesome said...

Rubie - don't fall victim to the Packer fellating that befell Mr McGinn over at the Urinal.
Goodness, I hope Rodgers has enough time to pose for his bronze statue this week.

Brewers suck. I didn't watch much yesterday, but did see Mr Yost use Tony-Gwynn-our-lord-and-savior as a pinch hitter in the 8th of game one with two out and a runner on 1st in a tie game. Soooo, you're saying that Gwynn is our best option to get a guy home from third with two outs? You've got to be fucking kidding me!!!

Rubie Q said...

The Packer stuff was said with tongue-in-cheek -- somewhat. I think people might have to give Thompson a bit of credit now. He can't talk for shit, but I think he's shown he's OK at assembling a football team.

Once we get swept by the Cubs, do we start playing the kids for the last week of the season? I don't want to hear the "But we're still in it!" line. We're not in it. It's over. I want to see what Escobar can do, m'self.