Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bronzed Shrimp No. 5: The Nominees.

Award No. 5 is a relative newcomer. It's the 'Please Kirby, Don't Hurt 'Em' Memorial Award, a.k.a. The Best Line In DJ's Awe-Inspiring "IT'S NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT" Post:

The nominees:

(1) "It’s not my fucking fault that when a new stadium was finally approved, those fucking idiots didn’t want to put a fucking roof on it (at least no one ever suggested using the old Baggie out in right field as the roof)." (Note the excellent and repeated use of 'fucking' as an adjective. Rubie heartily fucking approves of this.)

(2) "It’s not my fault Minnesotans don’t know how to enjoy a baseball game like god almighty D3some does." (Say this about Sly: he's a man a few words, but when he hits, dude hits HARD.)

(3) "It's not my fault Favre wanted to play in Minnesota." (I included this one only because DJ had "Favre" spelled as "Farve" in his original post. But he fixed it. This level of devotion to craft is sorely lacking on this blog.)

(4) "The Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome is not my fault." (A very, very strong contender.)

(5) "It’s not my fault Paul’s plane crashed." (As someone who lived in Minneapolis for three years, and saw firsthand the bizarre worship of the late Paul Wellstone -- you can't drive a city block without seeing eight "WELLSTONE!" bumper stickers -- this one has special meaning for me.)

Your nominees. Discuss.

18 comments:

Zone Defense is for Pussies said...

you might have to give a Bronzed Shrip for all 5 of those quotes...the entire rant was hillarious and I bet Kirby has such a sense of relief that he's finally been able to discuss his feelings with us.

Devil's Threesome said...

I'm torn, really torn on this. I have it narrowed down to 4 & 5.

The simplicity of 4 is unsurpassed. Very encompassing of all the taunts directed at Kirby over the years. The proper title of Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome wins plaudits. Good use of bolding.

The Wellstone reference is simple genius, but I can't get too cracked up over an assassination (?).

Therefore - #4 has my vote.

Rubie Q said...

Assassination? Take the colander off your head, buddy. Dude's plane crashed. Move along, people. Nothing to see here.

I'm voting #5.

Sheets' Va Jay Jay said...

#4. I simply can't stop laughing every time I read that. It says it best by really saying nothing at all.

FPMKE said...

Triple H, #4, my friends.

Ice Fishing with Kirby said...

Am I allowed to vote on this one?

Ice Fishing with Kirby said...
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Devil's Threesome said...

I was going to make a Kirby vision joke considering his double entry, but then I realized that glaucoma was a clouding of the vision, not double vision. Oh well.

I think you should have a vote, probably 2-3. Regardless, I want to know you favorite part of the POST OF THE YEAR!!

Devil's Threesome said...

WTF? What is wrong with your computer Kirby?? I always get double emails from you, and now quadruple blog responses? Craziness.

Rubie Q said...

Last night I sent Kirby a text congratulating him on his first post. I told him that it was so funny that it may have broken the blog.

Today? Well, his computer may have actually broken the blog. Nice job.

Ice Fishing with Kirby said...

I do believe the best five parts of the post were nominated, but I think there is only one choice as the best line: #4. For all the shit I take about that place, that takes the cake. But as for #5, that is my personal favorite.

Sheets' Va Jay Jay said...

I would just like to point out Kirby's level of usefulness to this blog so far. He hasn't even been here a week and has already provided us with some great material. What about Kenosha Mustache? He hasn't been back since even though he spends all day on his iPhone. I think our agenda next year needs to include some housecleaning...

Devil's Threesome said...

It's not my fucking goddamn fault that my fucking computer submitted four fucking entries for the same fucking post!!

Can't stop laughing about Wellstone and the HHH dome.

Devil's Threesome said...

Here, here Sheets. Kirby has really taken the blog to the next level. Kenosha Mustache, on the other hand, needs to put up or shut up.

Rubie Q said...

As does Moongoose.

And has anybody seen Charlie's Foop? Haven't heard from him in more than a week. I know he's in deep cover in enemy territory, but I didn't think it was THAT deep.

Zone Defense is for Pussies said...

they might be limiting internets access in Mad-town. probably don't want info as to how bad things really are in communist Madison to reach the general public...I really hope Bucky gets the shit kicked out of them today at 1 against the Wolverines