Monday, June 30, 2008

Sad, Sad Day



A tear ran down my cheek when I saw this photo of Tiger Stadium. Why must the cold-hearted people of Detroit destroy the centerpiece of their grand cityscape? Why can't they work together to find a use for this beautiful structure? Why can't they use it as a temporary shelter to house the thousands of vagabonds and miscreants that would be displaced if they were, perhaps, to instead bulldoze the vast ghettos that make up 95% of the city? Why can't Canada pony up a few weasels to purchase this building and begin the annexing of this shithole into their country?

Why....

Friday, June 27, 2008

Say Good Night, Bill Mota, You Fucking Fucktard.

Anybody need more proof that Bill Mota is washed up? Anybody? Show of hands? Yeah, I'm not seeing any hands.

Gee, do you think Doug Melvin would like a second crack at reshaping the bullpen? Turns out that recreating the 2001 Dodgers bullpen -- featuring two former 'Roid Monkeys -- wasn't the best idea. Maybe because it's 2008. And you can't use steroids anymore. I don't know, I'm sure there are a lot of reasons. Those are just the two that jump out at me.

New MU Recruit

Well...we have a new recruit for the 2008-2009 season. It seems that the secret mission for Reid You Animal's bachelor was accomplished as MU signed a 7 footer out of Toronto today. This morning he was listed at 6'11", but he has since grown an inch. There is no truth to the rumor that Jay Bilas reported his wingspan at 7'7". Mr Ian McMorrow is his name. Apparently he played hockey and lacrosse as a kid, but he grew so much that he started playing basketball. That, and as an African-American, he was no longer allowed to play lacrosse or hockey. Mr. McMorrow will redshirt this year and begin to officially plod up and down the court at the Al (notice that I didn't say Bradley Center) in the 2009-2010 season. The excitement is palpable.

Breaking News...

I have uncovered some wonderful breaking news that is going to make a certain Ben Sheet's Vagina Fan a very happy person. As first allegidly reported on the 9 pm news last night as well as Bob and Brian this morning, there will be 20 or so Sonic's opening up in Wisconsin in the very near future. Yes, the Sonic's Drive-Up Restaurants with their awesome fruity drinks (Cherry-Lime Aid) and terrific fast food and commercials. The first Sonic in Minnesota opened earlier this year, so they are expanding in the Midwest. The report indicated the first one should be open by year-end. I've tried to corroborate the report to no avail. Stay tuned and congrats Sheet's Va Jay Jay.

And the Bucks Posts Just Keep Coming.

Well. That was interesting.

After trading Bobby "The Albatross" Simmons and Chairman Yi to the Nets for DickJeff (I'm trying it on to see if I like it), the consensus (and by "consensus," of course, I mean what SB's Tony Gwynn and I decided would happen) was that the Bucks would look for a guard in the draft. The Joe Alexander talk didn't make much sense anymore, seeing as how the Bucks had just acquired a small forward who is much, much better than Joe Alexander.

So, naturally, the Bucks took Joe Alexander.

Color me baffled. What's the thinking here? Where is Alexander going to play? If he was drafted to play the 4, didn't anybody clue John Hammond in on the fact that we already have a 6'10" guy who won't rebound and prefers to shoot jump shots? I mean, what is Chuckie V but a black, hairless version of Joe Alexander? Am I wrong?

Far as I can tell, your starting line-up now consists of: a point guard who plays like a shooting guard; a shooting guard who plays like a shooting guard; either of two power forwards who play like shooting guards; a center who plays like...um, crap?; and a pretty good small forward. Start printing those play-off tickets, baby!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Second Bucks Post...

After initially hearing about the trade from SI.com I tried to confirm the rumor by looking to JSOnline.com. You'd think I'd learn by now that JS is not the best place to look for breaking news...10 minutes after it was first reported here is what the Urnial-Scentinal has reported:


THURSDAY, June 26, 2008, 2:38 p.m.
Report: Yi, Simmons to New Jersey
ESPN.com is reporting that the New Jersey Nets and Milwaukee Bucks are on the verge of a trade that will send Richard Jefferson to the Bucks for forwards Yi Jianlian and Bobby Simmons.ESPN, citing NBA front-office sources, said the deal had been agreed to and submitted for league approval in advance of tonight's NBA draft. The Journal Sentinel is pursuing the story and will report on any developments immediately.

Which translates to we had no fucking idea this was in the works and instead of telling the local newspapers we are forced to read the breaking news at ESPN.com. Looks like we blew that one.

First Bucks post...

Now I don't consider myself a huge Bucks fan but always get excited come draft time to see who will be in our future. Up until 5 minutes ago I was thinking sweet we'll take Joe Alexander and he'll be a solid role player at the SF position I'm cool with that.

Nope, not going to happen if the reported Richard Jefferson for Yi and Bobby Simmons trade goes through as is being reportd.

Pros:
-Richard Jefferson is signed for the next 3 seasons and is a stud and all-star SF we haven't had since Big Dog.
-Finally get rid of Bobby DePaul slacker Simmons and his moster contract.
-Yi hates Milwaukee, now he can be with is Asain friends in New York.

Cons:
-Basically wasted first round pick last year.
-Hope Jefferson isn't pissed about leaving Jay-Z to come to Sen. Kohl.
-Hope Jefferson can stay healthy for the rest of his time in Milwaukee


I like it overall. Here's the starters Mo, Redd, Jefferson, Charlie V and Bogut. I wonder if we are done yet. I highly doubt we'll take Alexander any more. Perhaps we can trade Mo and get a better point guard. We'll see but I'm glad to see some changes made by the new GM. I"m not sure this one trade will get done but its a damn good start.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

If nothing else, the Buzz Williams era...

... will have great BBQ!

Just returned from the first ever Buzz Williams BBQ.  I'm not sure what the real name of it is, but it was a good time.  I attended the event with SB Tony Gwynn, Mrs. SB Tony Gwynn, and Devil's Threesome.  We definitely got our $10 worth.  The food was from Famous Dave's and it wasn't just a little bit. It was a lot bit.  You could have all 3 entree choices if you want.  So being the fat guy that I am, I took a piece chicken, some ribs, and the pork sandwich.  There were also delicious beans and some fine dessert.  Enough about the food.

It was a very nice, relaxed atmosphere.  The players mingling with everyone and taking pictures and struggling thru small talk, because that is what you do with small talk when you are a young african american college basketball player talking to middle aged white guys and young kids.  The highlight, besides the food, was Buzz talking to the entire crowd.  I like this guy.  I always seem to back the coaches.  SB Tony Gwynn seems to think that smoke is being blown up our behinds, but that is what coaches do a lot of the time.  They blow smoke. I know that and I accept that.

The thing I'm really taking away from this is that I believe that the future of Marquette Basketball is in good hands.  He spent a lot of time introducing the players and the staff.  Not just the new coaches, but everyone from the office people to the tutor... I mean everybody.  SB Tony Gwynn commented on how there are a lot of people involved in a college basketball program.  I also found it interesting that they have one lady that just makes sure they don't commit any violations.  Good to know.

He also spent time talking about how academics are important.  He made sure to point out Ooze and talk about how he graduated and said that Trend would be done in December.  He also talked about the 4 seniors (Dwight Burke and 3 other guys that I haven't really heard of) and how they would all graduate on time.  He seems to be into getting good individuals in here.  Say what you want about Crean (and we all have) but he did bring in guys that weren't "thugs" or big, white, dumb crackers.  At least we have a clean program.

I am now very excited for MU Basketball.  It's a good thing the Brewers are staying competitive to make the time until November a little more interesting.

Taking Stock, Part II.

To continue the discussion from yesterday:

I heard something marvelous and terrible on the radio this morning. In their last 33 games, the Brewers are 23-10. (Today, after Jeff Suppan does his thing and turns a potential road sweep into a 2-1 series win, that record will be 23-11.) If you're scoring at home, you'll notice the record over the last month is remarkably close to the 24-10 mark that the Crew posted to start last year.

Well, now.

After last year, there were two -- maybe three -- explanations / excuses for a team that started 24-10 checking in with an 83-79 record and puking away an eight-game division lead:

(1) 24-10 was a fluke, and we eventually settled at the near-.500 level where we belonged;

(2) the team was good, but was too green to withstand the rigors of a pennant race;

(3) they fucking choked, thanks in no small part to their dipshit manager.

Obviously, I subscribe to Explanation 3 (with a bit of Explanation 1 sprinkled in -- 24-10 was fluky, but we still should have finished 8-10 games over .500). Explanation 2 is horseshit -- if young players, as a general matter, aren't well equipped for pennant-race baseball, then the Diamondbacks shouldn't have won the West last year, and the Marlins shouldn't have won the Series in '03, and so on.

I think the 23-11 mark over the last month confirms my thinking about last year's team. The team is good. They should have won the division last year, and they spit it up. And King Ned has no business in a dugout.

SportsBubbler...

Love this site...all the relevant sports info for WI in one place. Read an interesting article from a Orioles Fan's Blog about their first adventure to Miller Park. My favorite part is the reference to the sound guy at Miller Park. I don't know what these crack smokers are thinking, our sound guys is the best in the bigs.

http://www.camdenchat.com/2008/6/23/556917/road-trippin-part-one-milw

PS-Wonder if this "Stacey" chick is hot.

John Anderson Has Heard The Word.

During the Brewers - Braves highlights this morning, John Anderson dropped this line when Braun singled to drive in Weeks:

"Ryan Braun is a MAN."

OK, I don't know if he said it with sufficient emphasis to warrant the caps. And he didn't mention the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club. But he did say: "Ryan Braun is a man."

I feel like John the Baptist right now.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Pay attention kids.

Everything that you kids out there have heard about drinking, playing video games, and being a fat slob are totally wrong.  I am living proof of that.

You are always told to not play too many video games and get outside and be somebody.  I partially agree with this statement.  I'm so old that I grew up at a time when going outside was really the only thing to do.  Atari hit it big when I was a little older during my youth, but I still loved going outside.  I suggest a nice balance of outside and playing video games.  Playing video games until 3 or 4 in the morning is probably the proper way to do it.  And while you are playing those video games until the wee hours of the morning, why not crack open an ice cold Miller Lite.  Finally, you might as well eat a huge plate of macho nachos.

This post does have a point.  While at a local watering hole after a great softball victory, I had the chance to participate in a Guitar Hero contest.  Just for purchasing Miller Lite (something we do anyway) we got to play.  The high score also won a prize along with a T-shirt that everyone got for playing.  I was excited because the prize was actually something I wanted.   You got two free Summerfest tickets as well as two passes to the Miller VIP area at the Miller Oasis.  That is cool, but it is even better when a band that you want to see is playing.  The tickets are for July 2nd, which just so happens to be the night that Coheed and Cambria is playing.

I do love playing Guitar Hero.  I'm not that best ever, but I can hold my own.  Lucky for me, I did just that.  I took on the current points leader in a battle and destroyed his score by 13,000 points.  Now I am the holder of the Summerfest prize package.

As you can see, drinking, playing video games, and being the fat dopey one does pay off.  Plus I'm pretty sure that the Miller Lite girl totally wanted me because of the way I was sweating while destroying the competition.*

If you feel like doing some reading on the topic of video games being good for you, I suggest you check out this book.

*not actually true... I wish it was though.

Taking Stock.

As I've said many times, the high-water mark last season was not when the Brewers started 24-10, as that record was accomplished by (at least) five incredibly fluky things: (1) Capuano starting 5-0 before teams realized "Hey, if you sit on his change-up, you can smack him around like a red-headed stepchild"; (2) Suppan pitching lights out for the first month of the season; (3) the Jenkench (a two-headed beast made up of one-half Geoff Jenkins and one-half Kevin Mench) hitting around .590 for the first 30 games, and about .780 with runners in scoring position; (4) JJ Hardy mistaking himself for a power hitter; and (5) CoCo's seeming inability to blow a save. (SB's Tony Gwynn and I were at a game where CoCo was pitching for, I believe, the eighth day in a row, and the bases were loaded, and Carlos Lee was up with one out -- and he still got out of it. It was a charmed April for Sr. Cordero.)

No, the apex for the Crew last year was when they were 44-30 near the end of June. Going 20-20 through a very rough stretch of schedule and not puking up any of that fluky-as-it-was start -- that was impressive. (The rest of the season need not be detailed, as it will cause me to break out in hives.)

So, the Brewers now sit at 42-34. Let's compare and contrast last year vs. this year. What stands out?

JJ Hardy has regressed to the mean.

Yeah, .251 / .324 / .370 with 5 homers seems about right, doesn't it? At least his defense is still top notch.

(Also: gag me. Did you see that play in the second inning yesterday, where James Jerry had to range to his left to snare the grounder? He moved, in my estimation, a total of about five feet, and still had to lunge (and almost fall over in the process) to glove the ball. I mean, good God. Even David Eckstein can make that play, and he's a 12-year-old girl.)

Ben Sheets in a contract year is a good thing.

He was good last year: 8-3 at this time, with a 3.19 ERA and 65 strikeouts. Then he got hurt and torpedoed the season. This year he's been Schilling-in-his-prime good: 9-1, 2.59 ERA, 1.04 WHIP, 84 punch-outs. Just shows what happens when you give your cha-cha regular maintenance and keep it in good working order. Ahh, the Power of Douche.

That Ryan Braun, he's quite something.


His stats this time last year: .330 / .372 / .592, 5 homers, 17 driven in, 24 runs scored. Just starting to get an inkling of what he was capable of. Oh, I missed another fluke in the 24-10 start: for a team can play 14 games over .500 with CRAIG COUNSELL and TONY GRAFFANINO as its starting third basemen is nothing short of mind-boggling.

It's still not happening for Rickie Weeks.

I've heard your argument, King Ned. He's a "run scorer." That's what's supposed to happen when you actually get "on base" for "Ryan Braun" and "Prince Fielder" and "Corey Hart." To think, if this stumblebum could just hit .250, his OBP would be close to .400. And if his OBP was close to .400, he might have scored 60 runs by now. That would make him a "run scorer."

When he's raking, Prince Fielder is a sight to behold.

He's also a sight to behold when he's putting away his third bag of powdered mini-donuts in the clubhouse.

This team doesn't need Bill Hall. At all.

Think about it: the one year he put up decent numbers at the plate, we finished, what, 25 games under .500? Last year, he was putrid from start to finish. This year, he's been putrid from the start. And yet we continue to win. It's too bad the asshat publicly demanded a trade and killed whatever trade value he had left; we might have been able to get a minor league pitcher and a 12-pack of Coke for him before that.

That should get the discussion going. More to come this afternoon.

Monday, June 23, 2008

My Hawaiian Vacation...

Fresh off the over-night flight home, tanned and starting to peel, thought I'd give you a quick rundown of my vacation. Brother in law is as big of a sports fan as I am so we had plenty to talk about.

Friday 6/13 - All packed up and heading down to FIB -land to drop off the dog and catch our flight the next morning. I get excited when I scroll through the in-law's satellite line-up and I see Twins/Brewers at 7 pm and the channel works at 5:30. Sweet, now I can watch the game instead of having to make awkward small talk with the in-laws about how great eldest Krotiak sister's wedding was and whether or not my father-in-law has done any fishing recently. 7:15, tune to channel 621, no game, blocked, need to spend $15.95 to get the game. $14.95 for MU's round 2 lose to Stanford I can handle, not for the Brewer game so I'll settle for text messages from you guys and listening to parts of the game in my car in the driveway. Oh by the way, the wedding pictures are nice and my father in law fished a few weekends ago at a lake somewhere in southern Wisconsin, got some perch. Crew gets destroyed.

Sat. 6/14 - Got heckled 3 times at O'Hare for wearing Brewer t-shirt. Fuck the Cubs. A crabby SBTG after full day of flying followed by an immediate trip to Pearl Harbor in 85 degree heat only gets crabbier when I find out the Crew lost to the Twinkies again. Shit! Oh well a walk on the beach and some food and lots of beers at Duke's makes everything better.

Sun. 6/15 - Our one night in Honolulu is followed by a early morning hike up Diamond Head. Wonderful view. After hiking down its time to get my pale ass in the sun so we swam for a few hours in the ocean off Waikiki Beach. Our noon checkout arrives and what do you know, the Brewers finally beat the Twinkies. The whole 5 hour time difference is really messing with me. 11 am and the game is over all ready. Watched the back nine at the US Open in the airport and barely have enough time to see Tiger and his Lisa Loeb knee knock in the putt to force a playoff Monday before sprinting to our plane. Sweet, headed to Maui and a celebration of Father's Day at the Hula Grill (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation). Mmmm Hawaiian pulled pork sandwhich-very good!

Mon. 6/16 - A Monday off day for the Crew means no worrying about the game. Head to the golf course to find that the carts are equipped with GPS that include scrolling scores at the bottom. This will come in handy Thursday (see below). Javon Walker robbed and beaten in Vegas, couldn't have happened to a nicer guy;-) Dinner at the fancy Plantation House Restaurant in Kapalua (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation) caps the night. A text message regarding the Section 8 victory cheers me up, glad we finally beat those fuckers!

Tues. 6/17 - We rise at 2 am to board a bus to take us to the highest point on Maui, Haleakala Crater, to watch the sunrise. Its damn cold up there, but quite the sight. The trip down includes a bike ride which was neat. Felt like Lance Armstrong in the Tour de France. Finally get back to the hotel at noon tired and crabby, feels like we've been up for a day, take nice nap and awake to find the Brewers' power is starting to emerge after scoring all 7 runs of the HR and Parra has a nice day. Quick dip in the Ocean and head to BJ's Pizzeria (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation) in Lahaina and share the best pizza I've ever had with my favorite bro-in-law. Chicago style pizza with an awesome dough filled with shrimp, sun dried tomatoes, and spinach in a Alfredo style sauce. Absofuckinglutely awesome from the first bite to the last piece of crust. Very good too with the Bikini Pale Ale from Maui Brewing Company.

Wed. 6/18 - Start the day feeling good. Sheeter on the mound so they are in good hands. Head off on our day long journey along the "Road to Hana" across the winding roads of eastern Maui to take in the sights and swim at the 7 Sacred Pools, the black sand beach, and the ice cold fresh water pools in the caves of the state park. Awesome trip and well worth the dangerous drive and no cell phone reception. Come home to discover the Crew won again. Fuck the Blue Jays and their lame ass song.

Thurs. 6/19 - Going for the sweep and back on the golf course. Tracking the progress of the game on the cart, Crew up 2-0 after one, up 6-0 after 3. Nice way to take the sweep, Bushy must be throwing the ball well today. 8-1 after 8. Nice! Then on the 14th hole it started going down hill. Snap hooked the second shot and the nasty trade winds carried the ball O.B. After that shot, bro-in-law yells from his cart, its 8-6 give me your phone. He calls his dad and we get the play by play for the rest of the game. Thank God we pulled that one out, had us a little nervous. No mention of the perfect game until we get back to the hotel and see the highlights. Bought my golf shirt souvenir from Matt Walsh, assistant golf pro at Ka'anapali. If that name doesn't ring a bell he's the spygate guy from the Patriots. Yeah, actually thought about asking him to autograph my receipt. Ahi Burger at LeLahni's on the beach (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation) followed by an afternoon on the beach and an authentic Hawaiian luau with an open buffet and bar cap off the night.

Fri. 6/20 - A early morning drive the the Maui winery (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation) started the day. Nothing like having a wine buzz at 9:30 am. Headed back to the beach to do some snorkeling along Black Rock. Saw a sea turtle and cliff-jumped off the rock into the Ocean. 1 and 2/3 innings by Soup, wow nice work buddy. Fucking Orioles they should just be contracted, debated the merits of inter-league play in the pool and whether or not the Packers need Jason Talyor. A surprise sunset (booze) cruise complete with open bar and buffet by the parents completed the day. Luckily for us there were only 15 people on the 45 person boat so we had the run of place and we were the only one's drinking.

Sat. 6/21 - Finally a day to sleep in, but its our last day so we head to the pool and beach for some morning R&R before our check out. Have some time to kill so we go to the Maui Ocean Center (thanks Rubie and Mrs. Q for the recommendation). Leave Maui at 5 pm after getting both harassed and high fived by the TSA security guys for my Red Sox's shirt, arrive in Dallas at 5 am. Discover the Crew beat the Orioles, M.C. Lung getting it done.

Sun. 6/22 - Get to Chi-town at 9:30 and head back to the in-laws. A power nap and we hit the road heading home. The wife naps so I get to listen to last 2 hours of the Brewer game. Another nice win and a successful home trip.

All and all we had a great time.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Sweet "Biggie" Lou featuring DJ Ozzie Oz

Not since Will Smith and D J Jazzy Jeff produced "Summertime" have I heard a rap song that sounded so awkwardly pieced together. This is running non-stop on WGN...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNGSuuHnS_w

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Please Welcome Our Latest Hire.

Buffet Management (or, as we like to call ourselves, B.M.) are proud to announce that Quevedo at the Buffet has hired its first Illinois correspondent, FPMKE.

Look to his posts for all things FIB. And please ignore my string of "please move back to Milwaukee" comments that will follow any post he makes.

Aw, hell, I might as well start now: I miss you so much it hurts sometimes.

MilwaukeeBrewers.com webmaster, Cubs fan?


So like any normal Thursday afternoon when I have a crap-load of work to do I decided it was time to set it aside (because that shit can wait until tomorrow) for a little net surfing and I log onto MilwaukeeBrewers.com. Brew Crew is up 8-0 in the top of the 8th, nice, and then the front page "click here" story says this “Bush has no-hitter brewing against Jays”. What the fuck are you thinking?! Are you trying to jinx a good thing?!! Why would any Brewers fan say something like that, let alone post it on the internets? Not that I expected Bush to throw a no-hitter, let alone a complete game, but come on!


And I look at the game-tracker and Lyle Overbay is up to bat... Bushy gives up a triple followed by a single to Alex Rios. After this I realize that there can only be one reason that something like this could happen (besides thinking Bushie threw the ball well), the webmaster is a Cubs fan.


Think about it, the most cursed team in all of baseball is having a phenomenal season and the Brewers are playing pretty well but can't catch up. I think the Cubs have infiltrated the Brewers organization at several levels and are doing everything they can to make sure the Brewers fail. We have some sort of terrorist cell operating at Miller Park. It's a conspiracy against the Brew Crew. Next thing you know Sheets' Va Jay Jay is going to be playing "Go Cubs Go" at every game.


The Apocalypse Was Nigh.

Dave Bush?

Seven innings of no hit ball?

I was getting my canned goods ready, checking the batteries on the flashlight, stocking up on candles...the end of life on Earth was imminent. Because if Dave Bush and his 85 mph fastball can throw a no-hitter, then we've seen it all, mis amigos.

But, because IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING WITH DAVE BUSH, Bushy spit up the no-no in the most unlikely way: by giving up a triple to the whitest, slowest player in the majors, Lyle Overbay. I feel better. World keeps on spinnin', and it's still always something with Dave Bush.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

MikeHunt Is Afraid To Commit.

Sheets' Bajingo noted this before, but MikeHunt has a column in today's JS about King Ned. And SVJJ was right, it's not that bad, by MikeHunt's standards.

But if you were hoping that MikeHunt would give you an opinion on whether King Ned should be shown the door, you came to the wrong column:

DECISION ON YOST NOT AN EASY TASK

For who? A mediocre-to-awful columnist for an insignificant newspaper whose opinion matters to no one? Don't fry the noodle on this one, MikeHunt. It's not that hard.

Those who are still surprised to learn that the Bradley Center is one of the NBA’s oldest arenas might be unaware of this other passage-of-time detail:

If you have been to an NBA arena other than the Bradley Center in the last five years, there is no way that you can be surprised to learn that the Bradley Center is one of the oldest facilities in the league. Of course, if you live in Milwaukee and have been to an NBA arena other than the Bradley Center in the last five years, you probably play for the Bucks, because I can count the number of NBA fans in this town on my dick. Anyway, what were we talking about?

Only three National League managers have been with their current teams longer than Ned Yost has skippered the Milwaukee Brewers. Atlanta’s Bobby Cox and St. Louis’ Tony La Russa have won the World Series. Clint Hurdle was there last season with Colorado.

Actually, MikeHunt, I am painfully aware of this fact. In fact, my pat response whenever someone tells me that King Ned needs a longer look is: "HE'S ALREADY HAD SIX FUCKING YEARS!", followed by a scissor-kick to the solar plexus.

That’s not exactly a fair comparison, considering the mess Yost inherited in 2003. Then again, it wasn’t fair the way the New York Mets strung along Willie Randolph. There is nothing inherently fair about the profession Yost chose. There are certain implied risks that come with the job.

There's nothing fair about the profession Yost chose? If you win, you keep your job. If you don't, you lose your job. I dunno, that sounds about right to me. And there's nothing "implied" about the risks that come with the job -- again, if your team doesn't win, you will no longer be employed. Everyone knows this. I think that's probably included in the language in the contract King Ned signed.

Should Lightning Rod Ned stay or go? Is he aiding or impeding the progress of this still-in-development team? And why does Yost’s job security remain as much a hot-button issue as the economy on squawk radio?

You answered the second question with the first -- the reason it's debated is because people are trying to figure out whether he's helping or hindering the team -- but let me supply another reason. Because it's June. In Wisconsin. The Bucks have been done playing for two months. The Packers don't start camp for another month. And yet, for some reason, we still have two round-the-clock, all-sports-talk radio stations. What do you want them to talk about? Todd Day's high-top fade? Brent Fullwood's career highlights?

Bottom line, Yost is a good baseball man. That hasn’t changed in five-plus seasons.

Hmm. Interesting. I don't think most people agree with that assessment, but I'm sure you've accumulated a wealth of evidence to support your point. So, do share.

He makes mistakes as he did on June 6 in Denver with Guillermo Mota. He can be inflexible, dogmatic, loath to admit his mistakes and occasionally condescending to those who aren’t familiar with every nuance of a complex game. Then again, we have just described the characteristics of virtually every man who has managed at the big-league level.

Oh, I see what you're doing. You're setting me up. You're going to list his negatives first, then hit me with the evidence that he's a good baseball man. You fooled me. You got me good, you fucker. Alright, hit me with it. "Ned Yost is a good baseball man because..."

For those who know the game, Yost has never lost command of those nuances. Some believe he was better suited to managing a developing club than a contending team, but who’s to say the Brewers are legitimate contenders?

Are you still setting me up? Is the evidence coming in the next paragraph? I'm confused now.

The question of whether Yost remains fit to manage the Brewers doesn’t rise to the level of the devastating Yovani Gallardo injury. Or the fact that Rickie Weeks and J.J. Hardy are hurt again. Or that some players might have had career years last season, not to be repeated. Or that some, with the notable exception of presumptive all-star Ryan Braun, are underachieving.

Heyyyy. I'm starting to think that you weren't setting me up. You just listed a bunch of things that King Ned has no control over without mentioning the stuff he can control, like managing his bullpen and pinch hitting and giving his position players days off and making sure his players know when the squeeze play is on.

Well, even if there's no evidence, at least I know what your position is: you think King Ned should not be fired because a lot of guys are banged up this year, and because J.J. Hardy and Prince Fielder had career years last year.

That is not to exonerate Yost, who is paid to put players in a position to achieve.

Wait...so you do think he should be fired?

Yost can manage. Still, he might eventually be reminded of what Randolph experienced: It’s always the manager’s fault, even when it’s not.

But...but...is it his fault or isn't it? Somebody make the bad man take a position!

The I.R.S.!

Since it is exclamation point day (or something like that) here at QatB, I felt the need to post something just to be a part of it.  It is fun!!!

So a story came out today that the Milwaukee Brewers first baseman and resident vegetarian owes quite a bit of money to "the man".  He owes over $400,000 from 2003 when he signed a contract and got an over $2 million signing bonus.

Okay, some interesting things to think about here.  His daddy got into quite a bit of trouble for not paying taxes and just general douche-baggery in his post (and during) his playing days.  Did Prince take a cue from his daddy in arranging his finances? Doesn't he have people that do this for him?  Is Scott Boras somehow to blame?  (I really wish that was true).  Is this his wife's fault? (probably not the reason, but I figured I would throw it out there.  Maybe she is some communist or something.  Maybe.)

So where does this lead us?  Some people in the commenting land at jsonline, think this might make it easier to sign the old slugger.  They said that since he would be really low on funds now since he has to pay this off, that he might be more willing to sign something.  Not sure if that is a possibility, and I'm not sure if I want that, but who knows.  Would Prince really be happy if he had to sign for the reason?  I have no idea.  Someone else also suggested that this is hanging over his head and that is why he isn't playing well.  I'm pretty sure that person just won the award for someone on the website over at jsonline that is dumber than Mike Hunt.  (I really wanted to trash Hunt again today, but his article wasn't that horrible.  It actually made sense.  Dammit!)  If Prince is struggling (which he really isn't anymore.  He is hitting almost .290 and is starting to get his homerun stroke back. He is vastly improved from earlier this year. People are stupid!) because he this is hanging over his head, then he has a psyche that is more fragile than Turnbow's.  He was struggling because he was swinging out of his booties and only trying to mash the ball.  He all of a sudden starts hitting singles and going the other way and then low and behold his home run stroke comes back and he is looking better up there.

So, is this a huge issue... Yes?  I mean anytime someone owes someone else almost half a million dollars, that is a big deal.  Unless of course you are Charles Barkley.  Will it affect Prince that much, I kind of doubt it.  We'll see how this all shakes out.

Have a good day!!!

Mail Time!

It's "Exclamation Point in the Title" Day here at The Buffet. Things have quieted down around the office, so let's check in with Milwaukee Brewers Reportage Czar Tom Haudricourt as he puts his finger on the pulse of Brewers ... Nation?

(Note: I don't want to call it Brewers Nation. I think the Red Sox have the copyright on that. Plus, the Brewers don't have a coast-to-coast national following. Hell, we don't have a border-to-border state following; a lot of folks (read: assholes) in the south root for the Cubs, and I've seen more than one Mientkwiviwziecz T-shirt on the western border. What's smaller than a nation? A city-state?)

Q: Chuck Brinkmann of Marshfield, Wis - Fans are talking about all these minor league players the Brewers have. Tony Gwynn Jr. is not mentioned. He is having a good year in AAA ball. Ship Cameron and Hall out. I think Gwynn has paid his dues and lets get him in the leadoff spot with his speed.

A: Brewers Mailbag - Gwynn has never been able to take advantage of the few chances he has had with the Brewers, either because of injury or lack of production. The timing just hasn't been right for him.

OK. I get it. People like Tony Gwynn around here. That's fine. ...

I'm sorry, I lied. That's not fine. Can we finally call a spade a spade here? At this juncture of his career, it is beyond dispute that the only reason -- and I mean the only reason -- Tony Gwynn was drafted, had a cup of coffee with the big league club, and isn't selling encyclopedia door-to-door now is because of his fucking name. But you know what? Ken Griffey, Jr., he ain't. Fuck, he's not even Jose Cruz, Jr. Pete Rose, Jr.? Now you're talking.

I don't know what I have to do to get people to understand this. I might buy an old ice cream truck and drive it aimlessly around the streets of Milwaukee while the loudspeaker plays "The Entertainer" (a Devil's Threesome favorite). And then, when the children run up to purchase Bomb Pops and orange-flavored push-ups and tastee ice, I'll say: "Sorry, children, I'm fresh out of goodies. But here, enjoy this pamphlet of Tony Gwynn's career stats -- and, look, children, an OBP of .305 and a slugging percentage of .302! Go home, tell your folks! Call gam-gam and poppy! Write your Senator! Spread the word -- Tony Gwynn, Jr., fucking sucks!"

I'll be like Johnny Appleseed. It'll be fucking awesome. Until I'm arrested.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Yosty!

Today's Yosty is about a week old, but it's a goody (Yost-ified!):

Following the Crew's 6-1 loss to the Astros last week, King Ned was asked if the Brewers wasted an opportunity when they had runners on the corners in the first inning and didn't score. Sayeth His Majesty:

“I don’t call it that. You’re facing Roy Oswalt. You’ve got to work for everything you get against him. There’s no such thing as a missed opportunity.”

Holy shit. King Ned has become such a contrarian that he is now unwilling to concede that the concept of a "missed opportunity" exists. Then again, perhaps His Highness just uses a term other than "missed opportunity" to describe having runners on first and third with one out and not scoring. Some suggestions:

"Fucking up."

"Piss-poor baseball."

"An abomination in the eyes of the Lord."

Or, perhaps most accurately: "The usual."

Monday, June 16, 2008

Anyone Who Doesn't Think There Should Be Instant Replay In Baseball Is An Idiot.

I'm sorry for yellin'. Like Sheeters' Pooter, I, too, am trying to take some of the weight off. To that end, I'm trying to limit my coffee intake -- not because coffee's all that bad for you, but because I take mine with about a cup of Coffeemate Cherry Streussel creamer. Anyway, in lieu of my customary four cups of coffee, I'm trying this chai tea shit. Pros: tastes pretty good, can be served hot or cold, doesn't have to be served with a half-gallon of creamer. Cons: doesn't wake me the fuck up. Holy fucking God, I'm tired. And when I'm tired, I get pissy. And when I get pissy, I start yellin'. So, to go full circle: sorry for yellin'.

But, FUCK, man -- this is the second post that has befouled this blog with complaints against using replay in baseball. I can't abide this any longer. Let's review the case against instant replay by using the arguments The Animal made before:

They use it in football, and it ain't all that great.

The fuck it isn't. The only problem with replay in football is that they don't use it more often. I mean, how stupid was it that, before this year, you couldn't review whether a field goal cleared the cross bar? That's the reason the Competition Committee considers replay every year -- not because they're not sure if it's working, but because they want to make it even better.

And the reason instant replay works in football is not because there are less overturnable calls than in baseball. The reason instant replay works is because -- gasp! -- IT SHOWS YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED SO YOU CAN CORRECT OBVIOUS ERRORS. And because football put hard-and-fast rules in place to control when it's used, because they didn't want coaches challenging plays saying: "Hey, 78 was holding right there. Go back and look at the tape." For some reason, people seem to think baseball wouldn't put similar guidelines in place. Maybe it's because this guy is at the helm:



It will take too long to use, and baseball is already too long, and if it gets any longer, then the terrorists have won.

You mean it takes longer than the manager running out to the ump who made the call, screaming at him, kicking dirt at him, pissing on his leg, then running over to the crew chief, screaming at him, kicking dirt at him, pissing on his leg, and then having the umpires get together so they can talk about what a dickhead the manager is and pretend to talk about the call for a couple minutes? That's faster?

People who complain about the length of baseball games are one of two things: (1) twelve years old, have ADD, can't sit through anything; or (2) 86 years old, are cranky, long for the days when Warren Spahn pitched 12 consecutive shut outs on 12 consecutive days, can't sit through anything. To both groups, a round of "Shut the fuck up," on the house.

Sure, they're talking about just using it for home runs, but, if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to want to review plays at the plate, and then plays at first, and then balls and strikes...

We see this all the time in the legal world. It's called the "The Republic will collapse" argument; you take something that sounds like a great idea -- like, say, using instant replay to review close home runs -- and then take the focus off that great idea by running down the slippery slope of all the places the idea could (but won't) take you -- like, say, using instant replay to review balls and strikes. The typical response to the "The Republic will collapse" argument: roll your eyes, mutter "Jesus Christ" for effect, throw your hands in the air at your discretion.

Long story short: don't come in here with the slippery slope argument.

The next argument is so outlandish that I'll just quote Reid:

"[G]o to that espn.com article and look at the poll results. 89.4% of the responders favor some form of instant replay in baseball. Of those 89.4%, 22% favor replay on ALL CLOSE CALLS!!! That is complete fucking insanity."

First question: 10.6% of Americans don't think there should be instant replay in baseball? Jesus -- now I see how Bush got elected twice.

Second question: how does the fact that 22% of 90% (math, ow) favor replay on every close call show that we're heading down the slippery slope of reviewing balls and strikes? You can't do shit with twenty-two percent of anything. I bet if you polled NFL fans, more than 25% would say they want instant replay for pass interference calls. Does that mean it's going to happen? Of course not.

Finally:

"The umpires make the right call so often that all replay will do is prove how fucking good they really are, and give the haters more ammo."

I am a hater. I hate umpires. I think their job is very, very easy; it's basically taking an eye test for three hours. And with all that repetition, they damn well better make the right call 9.8 times out of ten. And now, six-pound eight-ounce Baby Jesus has given us the technology to fix those 0.2 times they get it wrong. And we're going to say: "No, thanks, we like it the way it is"? Seriously?

Human error is part of the game, for sure: human error by the PLAYERS. That is part of baseball's charm. Conversely, it is not fucking quaint or pastoral when an umpire blows the most significant call in the game -- whether a ball was out of the park or not. That is fucking West Virginia backwoods horseshit. That is backwards. That needs to stop. Yesterday.

Jesus Christ, I'm a grouch. I'm off to Starbucks.

I shouldn't be surprised.

Here I sit on my first real day of real summer vacation (I am a teacher, so this is a great time of year).  This day is shaping up better than I thought it could. Today was supposed to be the day that I started getting in shape.  I was going to get back into my workout routine and start eating a little bit better (if I'm going to impress the ladies, I should try to not look so chubby).  This plan was going to work too.  It was going to work until Tiger Woods sunk an awesome birdie putt on 18 last night.  I am no golf expert, but I do enjoy watching it on TV.  I really enjoy watching it when Tiger is involved.  He makes it exciting and interesting. Then you add in this Rocco character and you have a recipe for awesome golf viewing... on a Monday... for the U.S. Open Championship! Where was I going with this?  Oh yeah.  Because of this unexpected golf viewing, the get healthy routine will have to wait a day.  Oh darn.  The summer of Sheets' Va Jay Jay still starts today!

That gets me to my main reason for posting something today.  I went over the Journal Sentinel's website to see what they have to say about stuff today.  I made the mistake of scrolling down to the sports area and clicking on an article my Michael Hunt.  I know we are all aware of the blob that is Mike Hunt.  He is not a gifted writer by any means.  I'm surprised that he can use anything that isn't a mono-syllabic word.  His article today is about instituting instant replay in baseball.  He is all for this ridiculous idea.  He is also interested in getting it started yesterday.  What a d-bag!

I'm not sure how the rest of the contributors here QatB feel about instant replay in baseball (I know how Reid feels, and he agrees with me) but I hate the idea of it.  There is a big push to make baseball games go quicker.  Doesn't this seem counterproductive?  There are so may more arguments against instant replay in baseball, but I don't feel like touching on them here. Reid has a great argument all set up.  I hope he posts it here for all to read.

My suggestion for all of these disputed calls and cry babies is pretty simple.  Fans, stop being idiots.  In Houston this weekend, some idiot Astros' fans got in the way of Hunter Pence (pronounced under pants) robbing a home run and possibly saving the game for the home town team. Instead, the ball is a home run and idiot fans win again.  Not all home runs, or not home runs, are thought to be the opposite of what they are due to idiot fans.  Some are just hard to tell if they actually go over the wall.  Players are in the way or some parks are just plan stupid and have dumb rules.  My suggestion to clear this up is simple as well.  Hit the weight room, Sally! Hit the ball farther.  If you hit it over the wall by more than 2 inches, there wouldn't be a dispute.

Now that I am all upset because I read some crap by a bad writer (I refuse to link to this garbage because I don't want to drive readers there or allow him to think that he matters) I need to relax.  Back to the gorgeous HD sights of Torrey Pines and watching two golfers that could probably play left handed and beat me.  Go Tiger!

Friday, June 13, 2008

The Case Against...Twins Fans



This is a post idea I have been kicking around and drunkenly discussing on occasion with the group.  It goes like this, I want to honor my legal eagle buddy by combining my lack of lawyerly skills with my burning rage at certain topics like the Badgers, NFL, Big 11 et al.  Without further ado, here's the first installment in a hopefully semi-regular post idea.

The Case Against...Twins Fans
I never used to have a problem with Twins fans, then I moved to Milwaukee and met one of the biggest Twins fans ever...DJ Liedl.  Since then, it's been all venom.  In standard Devil's Threesome style, here's a bulleted list of the reason why I abhor Twins fans:
  • Family time all the time - holy fucking shit, they have a "family" deal every day of the week in that abortion of a baseball stadium.  Christ almighty, you sit in the bleachers there and you are vilified for having a beer.  I had some Scandinavian looking 10 year old brat (that's a hard a boys, as in a little shithead kid, not a sausage) ask me why I was drinking beer at the dome.  Huh?  Because it's baseball you Lutheran!  Why don't you go think up another lame ass name for your hockey team?
  • Bert Fucking Blyleven love - He's the Ron Santo of the Twins franchise, but he's blessed with a full complement of limbs.  It started with birth for this dude - he's DUTCH!  Ask Van Lith, I can't stand the Dutch.  Fucking pot smoking hippies.  How can such a family friendly organization put up with his potty mouth and obvious pederast with his tendency of circling pre-teen boys in the stands?
  • Bert Circle Me Signs - I love how every one of these fuckers spells his name wrong on the sign.  This idea is stupid - just like the above pic of the typical Twins fan drinking his Grain Belt on his floral patterned couch. What kind of retard has a Bert Circle Me sign at home?  Probably the same cheap ass Twins fans that won't fully finance a real stadium
  • Lack of Support - how the fuck does Miller Park fill up with Twins fans every year but they fall behind the Crew in attendance every year?  They are a consistent playoff team!!  Where do they come from?  Here are a couple of thoughts: 1) They enjoy a real stadium 2) Milwaukee is the only city within a day's drive of that godforsaken northern outpost, Fargo doesn't count 3) They all live here because of Wisconsin's generous reciprocity rules for college tuition.  Nothing like leeching off of our state for a better undergrad education
  • TC love - I'm so fucking impressed that TC can hit home runs with his softball bat - it's probably Kent Hrbek in there.  We know that Kirby is occupied these days
  • Home Made T-shirts - yet another example of Twin fan cheapness.  Get a fucking jersey T at the Mall of America - there's no taxes there!
  • Mediocre Player Love - these waterhead fans love all their shit players: Matthew LeCroy (he made Frank Robinson cry!!!!!!!), Lewwww-ser Ford, Michael Cuddyer, Doug Mientkiewicz, Boof Bonser
That's all I can think of right now.  My blood pressure is rising, I can't wait till the Brewers kick the shit out of Kevin Slowey tonight!

The News on Tan Tommy Just Keeps Getting Better.

Hasn't been mentioned in this space yet, but the situation at Indiana continues to swirl down the crapper: Jordan Crawford has become the latest (former) Hoosier to grab a life preserver, give the finger to the captain, and jump over the side of the S.S. Crean.

(I particularly enjoyed this comment from Tan Tommy when he was asked, before Crawford transferred, about the young man going home for the summer and missing summer school: “He doesn’t need to [go to summer school], and I think it’s good for him to get home,” Crean said. “It’s important to remember that those guys have been through a whole lot.” Ordinarily, this might be a sensible statement. But Jordan Crawford is from Detroit. Having just been to Detroit, I can say that it's never good for anyone to have to go there / go back there / have to travel through there. I think that's the biggest indictment of the state of the Indiana program: things are so unbelievably shitty there that people would rather go to Detroit -- DETROIT! -- than stay in Bloomington. Mother of God.)

Now, here's the thing that gets me:

Tom Crean coached at a Jesuit university for nine years, right? Presumably, in that time, he met a priest or two. Presumably, one of those priests mentioned something about God to him. And, presumably, Tan Tommy was able to figure out that the dudes in those funky collars have a direct line to The Big Man.

So: how in the hell did you think that fucking over (and I'm talking just about the way he left, not about the fact that he left) the priest who's the president of the Jesuit university was going to work out well for you? Did you not realize that Fr. Wild was going to get on the Bat-phone to God and ask him to re-enact the Ten Plagues of Egypt on your bitch-ass? It started with your hideous sunburn the day you were introduced at Indiana. It's continued with every scholarship player save for one hightailing it out of Bloomington. If it starts raining frogs on the new Crean Mansion, don't say you didn't have a heads-up.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Tough Outing for Sheets?

For all the crap I take for being an "optimist", I can't imagine what its like to see the Brewers through Rubie Q's eyes.

Text message sent at 1:38 by Rubie with one out in the bottom of the second "Sheets doesn't have it today. Hope it doesn't matter"

Benny's line today: 7 IP, 7 hits, 3 runs all earned, 2 walks, 9 strike outs and as a batter 0 for 2 with a walk and a run scored. Recorded outs via the strike out on 6 of his last 13 batters and only allowed 2 hits after the 3rd. Not to shabby for "not having it today".

Like I said before, I feel extremely confident when Benny is on the mound, especially when the Crew puts up 5 runs in the first two innings, despite what Rubie "Negative Nancy" Q says. Nice road trip for the Crew even though we gave away 2 games in Colorado. Here's to another 9-1 home stand (well 8-1 actually).

And oh yeah, the Cubs won again. Its kind of ridiculous when you look at it. Overall record 43-24 (.642), Home Record 29-8 (.784), Road Record 14-16 (.467). That's 55% home games thus far.

The Brewers- Overall record 35-31 (.530), Home Record 19-10 (.655), Road Record 16-21 (.432). Brewers have played only 44% at home. My point, wait until the schedule events out a little including 6 games against the Scrubs in Miller Park.

Ok, I'm probably done posting for a week or so. Keep me up to date on the sports happenings and keep Rubie Q off the Hoan Bridge. Aloha.

New Word - Yosty



Yosty - n - A confounding and/or condescending comment spoken by the Milwaukee Brewer baseball club's manager
Word origin - root word "Yost" taken from said manager's last. Suffix of "y" was added as a homage to said manager's pet name propensity, see: Bushy, Benny, Brauny, et all.

We have two Yosties today courtesy of the Urinal Sentinel:

Manager Ned Yost took exception to being asked if he was gaining confidence in Seth McClung as a starting pitcher because of his recent good outings. Yost said he already had confidence in McClung or he wouldn’t have given him a shot to start. “I have the same amount of confidence as when I put him in,” he said. “It’s not like the first time I started him I had no confidence in him and give him a dime for every good inning he has, then it gets built up in the bank and all the sudden he has $1.20. I have confidence in him or I wouldn’t have put him in the starting rotation.”

In reference to Corey Hart now batthing leadoff and having more chances to steal bases:
“Why would it open up his running game?” Yost said. “He could still have the bases clogged up now. The only guarantee that he’s going to have the bases clear is his first at-bat.” That might be true in some lineups, but maybe not so much with this one. With Mike Cameron (.294 on-base percentage), Jason Kendall (.326) and either Craig Counsell or Joe Dillon (both decent on-base guys), not to mention the pitcher, all in front of Hart, the bases might be cleared more often than when he hit behind Braun (.326) and Fielder (.363).

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Get rid of the Seaward.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to quote television shows and movies.  In my first post here at QatB I referenced the show "Arrested Development".  In my honest opinion, "Arrested Development" and "Seinfeld" are the two greatest shows to ever grace my television screen.  I know some will argue with me on that one, but oh well.  The title of this blog post is in reference to a quote from an episode of "Arrested Development".  In the episode Gob buys a yacht that is called the Seaward (pronounced C-Word).  Michael tells him to get rid of the Seaward.  At this point Lucille, their mother, walks in and says, "I'll leave when I'm good and ready."  Now this is funny on so many levels. The obvious is that the C-Word refers to something that we all know and few people (by few people I mean females) like to say. Lucille thought they were referring to her.  Calling her a C-Word.  Comic Gold!  I'm sure I didn't need to explain that to the intelligent readers we have here at QatB, but I did anyway.

Where am I going with this?  Well, I think it might be times for the Brewers to get rid of the Seaward.  No, not that one. She doesn't own the team anymore.  I mean Seaward as in the big expensive yacht that they really don't need, and in this case, doesn't really work anymore.  The only problem with this Brewers team is that they have quite a few Seawards.  Let's take a look at them.

#1 Enemy - Eric Gagne.  The dude just doesn't have it on a consistent basis anymore.  He is being paid $10 million thanks to the last closer here in Milwaukee, CoCo.  CoCo and the Reds drove up the price of closers just like Zito and Giants did with starters when we got Suppan.  Gagne started off bad, but then settled down and actually toyed with leading the league in saves, while still blowing 5, before realizing that he was not the Gagne wearing Dodger blue.  He then realized he had a wicked bad case of Sheets' Va Jay Jay and had to get hurt.  I know several people that hope he doesn't ever come off the DL and we can just forget about this one mistake.  We'll see what happens, but he is a pretty big Seaward.

#2 Enemy - Mike Cameron.  Now, Cammy (I'm channeling Ned Yost) isn't exactly making a huge payday here in the Brew City, but it isn't anything to sneeze at when they dude is swinging a weak stick.  His defense is stellar, and it should be.  That is the main reason we got him, but the other parts need to come.  I think he can play a valuable role for us, but getting rid of this Seaward has to deal with putting him some sort of platoon (a platoon would suggest that he hits a particular type of pitcher well and I haven't looked at the splits enough to know if that is true...E$, get on that) with Kapler or moving him in the lineup or something.  No team would touch him and a trade is no the answer.  A trade might be the answer for the next man on this list...

#3 Enemy - Bill Hall.  Now, some people might argue that Bill Hall should be #1 on this list.  I can see their point.  I probably should have put him at #2, but I didn't.  As far as I'm concerned, #2 and #3 on this list are interchangeable.  I've always liked Bill Hall.  For that longest time all anyone said in Milwaukee was that Bill Hall wins ball games.  That was so true. for a season.  Now, Bill Hall has no impact on ball games.  Someone said he wanted a trade and he didn't really dispute that.  He isn't Sheffielding it yet, and I don't see that coming from him.  Something must be done though. He has already been platooned, so the only thing to do next is to try and trade him.  He is a huge expensive yacht though.  Big money for little production at this point.  Not sure what to do with this Seaward.

Nobody else on this team is really getting paid a crap-ton of money and not producing.  I am in the school of thought that we are getting what we can expect out of Suppan.  Sheets is one hell of a pitcher when his Va Jay Jay is not acting up.  Braun signs a huge contract and still is delivering.  Prince is being paid peanuts (or in Skittles as his waist seems to say).  Our infield is young and not being paid a lot and Corey Hart should be getting that pay day very soon.  The sooner the better if you ask me.

I'm sure some on this blog, or in the blogosphere, will point to Yost as our Seaward.  I like the guy, but I do see some holes in his coaching over the last couple of years.  I still want to give the guy a chance, and I think this last homestand might have sealed his fate for the rest of the year.  Now if he could learn hypnosis and use it on the road.

So, which Seaward do we deal with or get rid of? The choice is yours.  If it was up to all of them, they would leave when they are good and ready

.


Oh, To See the World Like SB's Tony Gwynn.

On a day when the sky is sprinkled with clouds, some of us will look up and say: "What a great day!  Look at all that blue sky!"  Others of us will look up and say: "Fuck, it better not fucking rain.  I'm gonna punch a weatherman in the nuts if it rains today."

I'm in group two.  My great and good friend SB's Tony Gwynn: group one.

To illustrate, let's review and summarize TG's epic player rankings:

1. Braun - LOVE him.

2. Hart - Love him, too.

3. Fielder - Luv him.  Afraid he might not reciprocate, but still luv him.

4. Sheets - Love him, willing to volunteer to massage his cha-cha if it will help the team.

5. Torres - Recently fell in love with him after short courtship.  Hoping for a long-lasting relationship.

6. Gallardo - Love him.  Care for him as a parent cares for a toddler.  No more boo-boos, please.

7. Villanueva - Love him as a reliever.

8. Parra - Puppy love.

9. Kapler - Meshugah for this guy.

10. Dillon - Bench love.

11. Suppan - Consistent, veteran love.

12. Kendall - Gritty love.

13. Branyan - Platoon love.

14. Hardy - Ignore-the-evidence-about-his-subpar-defense love.

15. Weeks - Tough luck love.  Hang in there, guy!

16. Counsell - Not-sure-what-he-brings-to-the-table love.

17-23 – Bushy, DiFelice, Dillard, McClung, Mota, Shouse, Tavarez - On-and-off love.

24. Rivera - Making the most of his chances love.

25. Hall - Would-like-to-love-you-more love.

26. Cameron - Looked good a month ago love.

27. Gagne (DL) – But it's only $10 million! love.


Now, if it were me making those rankings?  It wouldn't be a very long post.

1. Braun - Member of the Corey Hart "I am a MAN" Club.

2. Hart - Founding member of Corey Hart "I am a MAN" Club.

3 - 27. The rest of you fuckers - just lost two of three to the fucking Rockies.  The fuck is wrong with you fucktards?  Pick it up.

Yeah, TG's outlook on life makes for a much more interesting read.  It's also the reason he'll still be kicking when he's 95 and I'll be dead in 20 years.

SB's Tony Gywnn's Brewers Rankings...

An off day for the Crew gave me some time to reflect on the first part of the season and rank my favorite Brewers on the active roster. Here goes:

1. Braun-New face of the franchise and will be my favorite Brewer (see jersey tee) for the next 7.5 years. 5 tool player and stats would be awesome if it weren't for a bad start but I blame that on the contract negotiations. Not nearly as bad of a outfiedler as I thought and will be RF once LaPorta is ready to go. Helping 'Swinging Man Bunt' climb the fantasy standings.

2. Hart-Hart IS A MAN! Would be a five tool player if he got those power numbers up, but there's nothing wrong with doubles and triples and timely hitting with men in scoring position. Plays pretty good defense. Sign this man up to a Billy Hall like contract to be CF of the future. Helping 'Swinging Man Bunt' climb the fantasy standings.

3. Fielder-Would be #2 if his average was higher and he played a little better defense. Is being overshadowed by Braun and is too much of a stubborn fuck to sign a deal like Braun. So much for getting your $10 mil in Arbitration like Ryan Howard. Hope he gets going soon, we need him. Helping 'Swinging Man Bunt' climb the fantasy standings.

4. Sheets*-Feel confident every time he takes the mound we are going to win. Our ace. He's having too good of a year to sign him to a longer deal at the end of the year, but I hope he gets a huge contract from somone next year becuase it means he made it thru the season strong, which can only be a good thing for the Crew. Love watching him make the knee’s buckle with that nasty curve and its fun watching him try to be a hitter. *ranking based on keeping the sand out of his Va Jay-Jay.

5. Torres-Hopefully our new closer for the rest of the year. Has taken over Bushy’s nickname of “The Bulldog”. Helping 'Swinging Man Bunt' climb the fantasy standings.

6. Gallardo* (DL) -Future ace of the team. He’s a true pitcher ala Greg Maddux. *ranking based on keeping the sand out of his Va Jay-Jay.

7. Villanueva – New ranking based on Chuckie New Town the reliever. Thrived in the role last year, but wore down. Hopefully doesn’t have the same fate this year. He’s in a better situation since he doesn’t have to go thru the 5th inning. Should be Rubie Q and Nedly’s new "8th inning guy". Can make some good money as a reliever (see Riske, Gagne, Mota, Torres, etc).

8. Parra – Starting to pick up the face and I think will be a great #2 to Yo at some point in the future.

9. Kapler – Need to start playing him more in center. Or move Hart to center and play Kapler in right. I’ll take a few fielding miscues and some solid hitting versus solid defense and a few hits (see Mike Cameron).

10. Dillion - Hopefully he’ll get a chance to have some consistent playing time at 2B, but is a pretty versatile bench player/pinch hitter and puts solid at bats together.

11. Suppan – You know what you are going to get with Soup. Probably paying
him too much but he’s a real pro and can put together some solid starts for us. Very experienced which may help us out in the long run.

12. Kendall – Handles the pitching staff very well and has played almost everyday. Not as bad at throwing out runners as we originally thought. Hey did you know that he spent the off season working on his throwing technique with is dad, a former big league catcher? We all knew his hitting was a bit stretch at the beginning of the year and has come back to earth.

13. Branyan – Its been a good experiment to try the platoon at 3B and Branyan has been very good. Will provide some protection for Hart in the 6 hole and is good for a homer or two a week. Getting used to the K’s and love watching the long ball.

14. Hardy – Solid defender with great arm (apparently some think he doesn’t have range). Streaky hitter that I think will get hot if he get’s the chance to bat in the 2 hole. It he hits here Braun will provide him some protection (both in the line-up and with the chicks). Apparently chicks dig Hardy and he puts asses in the seats, mostly nice little tight asses with long tan legs and super tight jersey tees and the pony tails thru the back of the ball cap. Ok, time to get back on track. He was an All-Star last year.

15. Weeks – Defense has gotten better, wish his average was a little higher, but when he gets on base he steals bases and scores runs. Plus he’s gotten his fare share of bad luck. When you look at the balls he’s put in play on nights when the wind is coming out of the east and we are facing a pitcher we’ve seen before when less then 2 strikes, Rickie’s batting .750. Still like the guy though.

16. Counsell – Does what he’s supposed to do, plus I have a funny feeling he’s going to score the winning run in the divisional playoffs when we knock off the Diamondbacks in game 5 against Webb.

17-23 – Bushy, DiFelice, Dillard, McClung, Mota, Shouse, Tavarez – You don’t know what you are going to get out of this collective group night in and night out. Bushy can be really good at home, then give up 8 in the 6th. There’s a reason DiFelice has been in the minors for 10 years. Gonna give Dillard an incomplete for right now. McClung seems better in the pen, but every once in a while has a good start. Shouse used to be awesome, but he is in his 40’s, should just be lefty specialist. Ol’ Dirty Cap does what he does and sometimes looks good.

24. Rivera - Good back-up catcher that will get his chance once Kendall is gone. Hitting pretty well for only playing once a week, maybe.

25. Hall – I’d really like to give Billy some more love, but I can’t. His defense is bad, his hitting is bad, and now he’s becoming a whinny biatch. Sorry Braun tapped Trenni before you did, sorry you got moved 3 times in 2 years, sorry we can’t find a spot in the everyday line-up for a .220 average hitter, sorry you can’t use a pink bat everyday, sorry they no longer have a section on Tuesday nights that chants your name, sorry you need “laser” eye surgery. Did you guys know he’d be a much better hitter if he just took some of those balls to the opposite field?

26. Cameron – Boy his first game against the Cubs was awesome but it seems like a long time ago. Needs to spend more time on the bench.

27. Gagne (DL) – Ok, I admit the signing is not looking to good, but it was still a low risk, high reward signing. What’s $10 mil? He’s going to be gone after this year and who knows maybe he’ll help us when he gets back.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Of Weddings and Getting Old, Part III

Some random musings from the weekend that was in Green Bay.
  • The drive to Green Bay is horrific. You think, "Hey, it's only 2 hours, it's not that bad, I'll just spend my time laughing at all the funny place names and making fun of Badger frontcourtmen in my head." Then, 45 minutes in, you are ready to scratch the corneas off your eyes. It's sad when the Fox River is the most impressive thing you see on the whole trip. #2 is that huge "classic car dealership" on the east side of the road. I don't know how Mrs. von Dohmenschmidt did that once a week
  • In the grand scheme of eternal damnation, does swearing in a Lutheran church count any worse than swearing in a non-secular place? It's a Prostestant church, I shouldn't get more demerits
  • I have to call out Rubie Q. His PDA with Mrs Rubie Q, Esq got my hinder in trouble on Friday night. Word to the wise, don't mess with a pre-menstrual future Mrs Devil's Threesome. Apparently, I wasn't paying enough attention to her which resulted in an early retreat and a cuddle-free night
  • Anyone else freaked out and then amused by the Reid father-son likeness? The elder even had the patented Reid shot routine down. Point at each recipient of the shot, raise the shot glass, raise eyebrows and down the hatch
  • By the way, I'm too much of a pussy to take shots of Crown Royal
  • The wedding food was damn good
  • The cheese curds at the Stadium View were damn good
  • My only quibble with the wedding party stuff was the bus ride. It was dead. I'm not sure that anyone is to blame, but that bus felt like the Kohl Hole after Burke sunk those two free throws. OK, I'll pass some blame, the significant others calmed it down, which was probably for the best in the long run
  • I have to blame our White Sox rootin' friend for the Soul Finger mishap. He claimed the DJ told him he didn't have the song in his library. Therefore, we smoked stogies instead
  • Boo-urns to the football passing game at Stadium View. They had a sharp thingy that I caught my left thumb on, causing bleeding. It may have been karma out to get me since I was spazzing out and firing the balls as hard as I could and hitting innocent bystanders in the process
  • The marketing geniuses struck again at the HGI. Congrats to the Hilton corp for providing drunk food. For the price of $9 (the burned roof of my mouth was complimentary), I was able to scarf down two packages of pizza rolls and a chicken burrito on Saturday night. I give credit to that for my decent state on Sunday morning - and my tubbiness
  • Mad props (I learned that term from Marshall) to Tiffany for rolling with the punches on the DJ-Jerel introduction. Not only did she chest bump my fat ass, but she did it in heels.
  • Has anyone perfected the "Morning Ninja" quite like FPMKE? Regardless of drunkeness, you know his ass will be in the car and out of Dodge before anyone has their morning purge
  • The future Mrs. Threesome and I have some major shoes to fill. I just hope she goes along with my pirate theme plan. I can see it now, arriving at Lakefront on the Brew City Queen with eye patches, peg legs, parrots and swords. I'm too classy to make a Viking themed rape joke here, oh wait, I just did...

I'm Getting Soft in My Old Age.

After watching Bill Mota spit the bit on Friday night (I chucked some Cracker Jack at the TV in the hotel room while unleashing a much-too-loud "MOTHERFUCKER!"), I was all kinds of ready to let loose with the great anti-King Ned post that you've all been waiting for.

And then something happened yesterday that caused me to reconsider.

(OK, I couldn't totally reconsider. What a stupid fucking move to bring Mota in right there. Please, someone, tell me what the thinking was. Chuck New Town was fucking dealing Friday night. He had that huge, looping curveball -- you know, that 75 mph beauty that, when he was a starter, kept drifting over the heart of the plate and must've looked like a beach ball to a hitter -- working on the outer half. His spot in the order didn't come up in the top of the eighth. He throws with the same arm as Bill Mota. So, where's the benefit? If you're going to double-switch because the pitcher's spot is up first in the ninth, why not put Cameron in center? Kapler's capable with the glove, but he's not Cameron. I just don't get it. OK, that's all.

(Fuck that, that's not all. You know what King Ned's defense of the move was? "He's my eighth inning guy." Oh. Well. I see your point. You had to take Chuck out. After all, if a baseball player is required to pitch outside of his King Ned-designated role, his wiring starts short-circuiting and his CPU starts to overheat and oil starts to come out of his ears. I think that's one of Isaac Asimov's rules of robotics.

(Oh, wait! That's right! That doesn't happen. Maybe it's because baseball players aren't robots. Their performance actually changes sometimes; sometimes -- like, say, Friday night -- they're throwing the ball as well as they have all season and they need you to send them out for another inning BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE ANY FUCKING FINGERNAILS LEFT IN A WEEK IF YOU INSIST ON BRINGING BILL FUCKING MOTA INTO THE GAME BECAUSE "HE'S YOUR EIGHTH INNING GUY."

(Yeah, that's right, it's another open parenthesis. I'm still going. Here's the thing about baseball managers -- as far as I can tell, the reason there is a manager in baseball is so you have one person making decisions instead of 25. Now, unless I'm mistaken, the way most people make decisions is by a process called thinking. You take some information, chew on it, process it, and make a choice. Putting Mota in because "he's my eighth inning guy" is not thinking. And if you're going to be sitting on the bench just not thinking all the time, then, really ... what's the point of a manager?)

Anyhow, I had a great anti-Ned post that was all ready to go, but I guess I'll save it for another day. Because something extraordinary happened yesterday in the eighth inning, with one man out and the tying run on third:

King Ned brought in his best relief pitcher to get the final five outs of the game.

Holy fucking God. I almost shat myself. What a concept. Bringing in your best reliever to go the last inning and two-thirds? That fucking Nobel Prize shit right there. I might have to start calling him Dr. Ned.

For most teams, this wouldn't be a big deal. In fact, pitching your best reliever for five outs when he hasn't thrown in a week might be considered, I don't know, common sense. For King Dr. Ned, though, this is impressive shit. Consider that CoCo had only four inning-and-a-third saves last season, with two coming in the last week of the year. And that the only time Cordero threw an inning-and-two-thirds last year was when he blew the save in the ninth and got sent out in the tenth (and coughed up the game completely). I'm not going all the way back to '06 (maybe tomorrow), but at least in terms of last year, this was unprecedented.

This is almost like watching a chimp learn to use a twig as a tool. If King Dr. Ned keeps evolving at this pace, we might have a halfway competent manager in the next eight years or so.

Of Weddings and Getting Old, Part II

Long time reader, first time blogger here. A couple of side notes regarding the great dance-off between Sheet's Va-Jay-Jay, Rubie Q, and myself:

-A wedding of a my own or a very close friend/relative is the only time you'll see SB's Tony Gywnn consistently on the dance floor. Plus, the tuxedo was a rental so who gives a fuck.
-I've learned that sweating is a great way to fend off a massive beer hang-over. I'll take a few sore dancing muscles and a sweaty dress shirt over a massive headache any day of the week.
-No one was hurt, including Sheeter, so the prop bet for first one to go down with a dance floor injury is a push.
-I wish I could take credit for calling "Soul Finger" prior to the beginning trumpets of the song, but I had asked the DJ when he was playing it and he said its next.
-If you dance to much, you'll miss the mini-brats and burgers you've been looking forward to all week. Shit!!!!
-As always, anytime you can include the line "Fuck the Badgers" in a chorus it makes for a great song and directing the chorus chants at a Badger Bridesmaid and sister of the bride was an added bonus.
-Jumping up and down to the song "Jump Around" doesn't make you a Badger Fan, it means you can follow directions. And no Badger fans (Badger Bridesmaid and Jamie "Tan Tommy" Curtain) just because they play the song in Camp Randall doesn't mean you own the fucking song so us non-Communists can dance to it too.
-Speaking of following directions, props to B. Ho for teaching us dance moves to the rap songs that us 3 white guys didn't know the moves to. Now I can add that to the moves I all ready know, like the Electric Slide, the Macarena, the Chicken Dance, and that fucking Let's Go Jays song from Canada.

All and all it was a fantastic wedding. T-minus 14 months to the Von Dohman Schmidt nuptiuals, cuz I know for a fact I won't be doing any dancing at the dry wedding in San Francisco in November for Mrs. SB's Tony Gywnn's friend, and by dry I don't mean free from rain. Oh well!

Of Weddings and Getting Old.

Consider this Exhibit 259 in the case of Age v. Rubie Q:

I'm right in the middle of an epic dance-off with SB's Tony Gwynn on Saturday. I believe this was right after the spate of Reel Big Fish songs. My calves are barking like Dobermans. Sweat is pouring off my head. I am getting dizzy. I am contemplating how incredibly lame it would be for me to survive the Great White Excursion to the Great White North, only to die on a makeshift dance floor in the club level of Lambeau Field. SB's Tony Gwynn (and Sheets' Va Jay Jay) are still bouncing happily around the floor, even though no music is playing.

I am shooting mind bullets at the DJ:

Play a slow one. Play a slow one. For the love of God, it can be "Butterfly Kisses." JUST PLAY A FUCKING SLOW ONE.

And just like that: "Jump Around."

Oh.

Fuck.

No.

But I put on my game face, and obey the song's demands for a while, though I would have much preferred to do the opposite (stay in my seat; not jump around). And then -- sweet, merciful, seven-pound six-ounce Baby Jesus: the song starts skipping! And I turn and look at the DJ, and I'm sure he thought I was telling him: Christ, man, fix the song. Actually, I would have much preferred if he let the song play to the end, then "accidentally" unplugged all of his equipment for a couple minutes. But anyway, he had to scramble for a new track, which gave me just enough time to assume the classic out-of-shape, on-the-border-of-collapse position: hunched over, hands on knees, sucking in sweet lady O.

I like to think that the Lutheran God gave me a heavenly shout-out for visiting his church earlier in the day. I'm still not convinced on this religion thing, but LG, you're cool with me.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Crean Bobblehead - What to Do?


Atop my computer screen at work I have a lovely Cornhuskers football helmet to show my pride in Husker Nation. Just to the right of that, I have a foul, tanned, shit eating grinning bobblehead of the 21st century Judas, Tom Crean. I humbly ask you, fellow Buffet readers, what should I do to rid myself of the Crean bobblehead? Should I slam it in a door jam? Run it over with my car? Grill it until it melts? Give it to a blind kid and tell him it's a bird? I'm taking suggestions and we can have a ritual killing in my back yard over dozens of bottles of High Life.

Sheets' Va Jay Jay Ruins it for Everyone

That's right folks.  I have accomplished something the Buzz Bissinger could not.  I got Will Leitch to quit Deadspin.com.  Well, I actually had nothing to do with it, but it is a funny story.  Maybe not funny, but I'm going to tell it anyway.

We here at Quevedo at the Buffet have talked about how awesome it would be to be linked off of Deadspin.com.  Most of us here read that website several times each day.  I know that I check it way too much and I'm sure it is affecting the education that my students are receiving, but I'm fine with that.  Leitch is a skilled writer and a funny person.  Yesterday I decide to take the bull by the horns and send him an email telling him about our little blog that has been started. Hoping that he would find it funny and link to us in his daily blogdome piece.  About 15 minutes later he put up a post saying that we was leaving Deadspin as the editor.

Did I actually have anything to do with this.  The answer is no.  It was awfully creepy though  and those of us at QatB did exchange some non-work related emails about it.  We here at Quevedo at the Buffet wish Will Leitch the best in his future career.  You can rest assured that you will still get the same annoying and vulgar insight here at this blog.  We are also sure that Deadspin will be left in good hands and will continue to be a great site.