Today's Blog Is Brought To You By The Letters F-R-A-U-D.

Jim Fucking Edmonds has two homers, including a grand slam. Yeah, that's about right.

Bright Spot #1: King Ned's fate has been sealed. After his showing in this series, there is no conceivable way that His Majesty is back next season.

Bright Spot #2: At least we learned early that our team is full of pantywaists. Now we don't have to spend all August and September wondering if they're going to make a run.

Bright Spot #3: Plenty of fine seats will be available at the ballyard come September.

Agreed!

If the Brewers manage to miss out on the playoffs again this year, there isn't a chance in hek that Nedly returns as head coach in '09. Attanasio and Melvin new that there was enough talent on this team and had enough confidence in them that they gave up their #1 prospect, Matt LaPorta, to rent CC for 2.5 months. If the last week is any indication, again this team is not capable of handling the pressure of a playoff push. They seemed to have gotten a little too cocky after the last road trip with the home run binge that they went on, and as a result can hardly put the ball in play anymore. Being a bit of an outsider at this point I'm not sure it still exists, but approximately 2 weeks ago they was a giant home run counter located somewhere in the outfield stands at Miller Park. I went bezerck when I heard Brian Anderson discuss it during one of the broadcasts. Now we are more than capable of hitting home runs, but Rickie Weeks and Bill Hall have a hard enough time hitting the ball in play without a giant home run counter staring them in the face. Ned should have told them to tear that thing down the minute it went up. This week we haved witnessed the first 3 games of what we thought was going to be a hard fought 4 game series. Instead, the very good Chicago Cubs have brought out our true colors and in doing so look to go for the 4 game sweep today. We continue to scatter hits, strike out often, and fail to have good at bats with men on base. I hoped I was wrong when I said it in early May, but I said and I quote "We will never win with Ned Yost". It's unfortunate, but I predict we fall short again this year with the Cubs playing great ball (and an incredible starting staff), the Cards right on our heels and returning their top 2 starters, and the top 3 teams in the NL East. It sucks, but I've seen them miss out for 26 straight years now so I'm kind of used to it. Go Pack! Go Huskers!

New Plan:

Take the only guy who's swinging the bat with any consistency and get him less at-bats. Sound good? Great.

Yep, that's right: Ryan Braun is hitting fifth today. Brilliant: take him out of the spot where he's the most comfortable and has flourished this year. That should do the trick.

Fucking idiot.

The Ned Yost Legacy

When this season is over and we again fall just short of the playoffs, a big decision has to be made.  What to do with Ned Yost.  To me, there's one inning that completely defines the Yost era and why he is incapable of getting this club over the hump.  That was the top of the 7th on Monday night.  Faced with the decision of whether to leave CC in or take him out with the bases loaded, Ned Yost displayed an incredible lack of leadership unseen since the blank stare of Bill Callahan on the Memorial Stadium sidelines in Lincoln.  

Ned's decision to leave CC in the game was correct, and subsequently proven correct by the sure inning ending double play CC induced.  Leaving Rickie in the game was not the issue, either.  The look on Ned's face while pacing up and down in the dugout and the way he threw his hands up in the air and helplessly looked at Ted Simmons is all the proof I need to deliver a death penalty verdict to Mr. Yost.  In the most critical situation of his managing career, Yost absolutely shit the bed and sent the message to his young team that he didn't have confidence in them or in his own decision making.  

All of the other issues with Yost stem from this lack of confidence.  His terse know-it-all attitude with the media?  Check.  His refusal to bench Weeks?  Check.  His meltdown and repeated ejections at the end of 2007?  Check.  His comment that starting 24-10 would have been bad in 2008?  Check.

A team takes on the attitude of its leader.  Look at the Patriots or the Yankees under Torre.  Hell, I see it at work all the time.  Brauny said it right after the Red Sox series.  This team doesn't expect to win and that attitude starts with Ned Yost, regardless of his trite cliches.  Ultimately, that will be the reason the Brewers will be searching for a new skipper for the 2009 season.

Sorry!

The thesis that I just posted can be credited to the 3rd consecutive beat down that I am witnessing. I won't discuss the series, but I will say that Lou Piniella is dominating Ned Yost in this 3 game chess match.

I hope you know what you're doing Ted

Now I suspect that we are all well informed with the Brett Favre versus Ted Thompson saga so I will not discuss the latest situation in the matter. However, I do find the whole situation very intruiging and complex the more that I think about it. Like most of you I was shocked that Brett decided to hang 'em up when he did considering how he perfromed last year, so it was one of those reality check moments. I figured it was a hell of a ride, but remained optimistic with the current situation of the team and was actually a little excited that we could forget about this year in and year out retirement saga and begin the Aaron Rodgers era. With what has transpired over the last month or so, I haven't found myself flip-flopping back towards Favre necessarily, but wonder how Brett has gone from one of the greatest Packers of all time, a guy whom could show up anywhere anytime in the state of Wisconsin and be welcome with open arms, to a guy that Ted Thompson won't even allow in Green Bay for the start of training camp. During his tenure as GM of the Green Bay Packers, Ted has taken an extremely unusual approach to building a winning football team. In my opinion, unusual is the politically correct way to describe this.......I would say crazy, stupid, and would often call him a moron. With Brett at quarterback and still playing quite well , one would think that Ted would have tried to surround him with as many offensive weapons as possible, whether it be through the draft or free agency. That would be the easy approach. Instead, he repeatedly traded down and often took players that were not areas of immediate need. Sure he has had some good picks. All gm's do over a number of years, and any one of us could make some good picks, but it was blatently obvious from day 1 that his intentions were to put the needs of the team 3,4,5 years down the road rather than the following. It makes me wonder if he was the GM of the Minnesota twins in a previous lifetime. If he was GM of a small market baseball team, I would have no problem with his approach, but the NFL is a quick fix league. Sign a playmaker here and there and the team can improve immensely in one off season. Now, I am not saying that he should have listened to Brett and traded for Randy Moss or Terrell Owens, but it seems as if Ted has this personal vendetta against Favre and is trying to somehow win and yet avoid anything that meets Favre's approval. It's like a who's dick is bigger battle between Brett and Ted, except Ted has put a lock on Favre's wranglers. So here we sit.....August......training camp......and like I said, I can see how the Packers organization is fed up with Brett's flip flopping and has decided to stay put with ARodg. I also agree with them not wanting to release them. The thought of that is just mind boggling. You cannot just give away a player of his value (under contract) and get nothing in return. A 6 year old selling lemonade on the sidewalk has enough business sense to understand that thought. Trading him was a fine thought, but it does not appear that there are any worthy suitors at this point. So again, here we sit lonely hearted, came to shit, but only farted. Two weeks ago, Ted makes a statement claiming that if Brett comes in he is the backup. Now, Brett turns in his reinstatement and is due in Green Bay for practice on Friday, and Ted explains to Brett that he will get fired if Brett shows up. So who's the flip flopper now? Can Ted Thompson or Mike McCarthy actually say with a straight face that with Brett and Rodgers side by side in training camp that Rodgers is our starter? Are you serious? Something has happened behind closed doors that we do not know about, and I hope that we can some day find out, because none of this makes any sense. I am looking forward to Brett showing up to camp this weekend and firing 30 yard out patterns to Driver and Jennings. And when he does I predict that Ted Thompson's will find out that not only does he not have as big a dick as he thinks he does, but that he doesn't have any balls either. Brett knows this and once the fans look at Brett and Aaron side by side, they will come back to reality, and put a ton of heat on Thompson the second Brett is holding that clipboard.

Cubs fans are classy

1)Forest Park police responded July 27 to reports of a man defecating and exposing his penis in a parking lot at 7200 Madison Street shortly before 10:30 p.m.

When officers arrived at the scene they identified the man wearing a shirt that read "Sox Suck" as Shawn Abernathy, 39, of Oak Park. Police reportedly noticed Abernathy's pants unzipped, urine stains on the front of his pants, and brown stains on the back of his shorts.

The officer on the scene asked Abernathy if he had urinated, and he allegedly responded, "Yeah, I had to go." Excrement was also observed on the window of a building on Madison Street.

Abernathy was charged with criminal defacement and disorderly conduct.

2)Three Chicago area men are accused of beating up a suburban Milwaukee man who police say threw a beer at their bus after the Milwaukee Brewers' loss to the Chicago Cubs at Miller Park.

Officers arrested the three Cubs fans Tuesday night on possible charges of substantial battery. The men are 25, 26 and 34 years old.

Police say the three Chicago area men got off the bus after the 24-year-old West Allis man threw the beer. The Brewers fan was cited for disorderly conduct and taken to a local hospital. Authorities say he suffered cuts to his face and had a tooth knocked out.

The 34-year-old Chicago area man also received a municipal ticket for assault and battery after police say he punched his sister in the mouth as she tried to intervene in the fight.

It's Back to Work for Rubie Q.

So...we dropped two of three to the Astros because we were looking ahead to the Cubs. And now we've dropped the first two games in the Cubs series, handing them the first one and then looking every bit like a Double-A team in the second one, with Sheets apparently deciding he's not interested in this whole "twin aces" concept. He's been atrocious ever since CC came on board.

Way to make the most of your time on the national stage, boys. I'm sure no one will count you out after the Cubs finish the sweep.

Brett's Back...

He filed his paperwork today so the Pack has 24 hours. The more I think about it the more I think he'll be in the green and gold #4 come September 8th. Its apparent that there are no takers, except for the Queens (not going to happen), at least at the current asking price. So either Teddy lowers his asking price or we let Favre come to camp. That way if Rodgers looks pathetic in camp or gets hurt in pre-season, then we can fall back to Favre. Or when someone else's QB gets hurt in pre-season, they'll want to trade for Favre and Teddy gets his price. Boy I can't believe how much I'm flip flopping on Brett Favre. I say bring him back now and make a run.

My Pledge to Dick Weeks.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes clear that management is not willing to take a miserable piece of shit like Dick Weeks out of the lineup, or to remove him from the organization entirely, it falls to said organization's fans to take matters into their own hands.

So, here's my pledge to you, fucknut:

I am going to hunt you.

And I mean this literally, Dick: you and I are going to recreate "The Most Dangerous Game" in the Menomonee Valley, and I'm going to be General Zaroff.

And, yes, Dick, I know that General Zaroff didn't succeed in hunting the other guy, but this isn't about killing you. No, this is just about keeping you away from the team for the rest of the year. King Ned isn't willing to take you out of the lineup, despite the fact that you are a sub-par -- if not downright terrible -- baseball player in every facet of the game. And Melvin won't cut you, even though we've got a much better option (Durham) sitting on the bench. So, Dick, I have to take matters into my own hands, and the only option left is hunting you with an antique elephant gun.

Rubie caused this...

Quit bashing Yost or this may happen to your house:

Yost supporter starts fire in apartment
Talk about Brewers fever.A Franklin man took his enthusiasm for the surging National Leaguers to a new -- albeit dangerous level.The 21-year-old, a resident of the 3300 block of West College Avenue, became upset Friday night about a newspaper article that was critical of Milwaukee Brewers manager Ned Yost.Disgusted, the man then set the article ablaze. Unfortunately, other newspapers in his apartment also caught fire, causing $500 damage to carpeting but no other destruction. Not only does he need some new carpeting, but the man also was arrested by Franklin police for negligent handling of burning materials, a municipal ordinance violation. After being booked at the police station, the man was released to the custody of his grandfather. There's no word on what newspaper the man was reading or what exactly got him hot under the collar.


Coincidentally, the 3300 block of College Avenue is 10 blocks from my house. I was wondering why there were a lot of sirens in the neighborhood Friday night after I got home from the Brewer game.

Buffet Management does not like Cubs

Based on today's barrage of activity at the Buffet it is safe to say that Buffet Management does not like the Cubs, their jerk off fans, their jerk off players, their jerk off manager, their jerk off stadium, or their jerk off city.

Series Predictions

I don't know about you all, but I am concerned as hell about this series. Very, very concerned. Maybe I'm just trying to lower my expectations, but I'm hoping like crazy for a split. Here's how I see each game playing out:

Game 1: Sabathia vs. Lilly
We beat lefties like a drum, and Lilly is prone to giving up huge innings. Additionally, CC is rolling, but we can't expect a complete game shutout every time. Basically, this game is a must win for the Brew Crew as the remaining pitching match-ups are difficult. If the Cubs win, we could be looking at a long series. Brewers win 5-2

Game 2: Sheets vs. Zambrano
Great pitching matchup, the question is who can convert on their opportunities. I can't stand Zambrano, but I respect him. I think he'll channel his rage for 8 solid innings along with an annoying RBI single that will have the Cubbies fans jumping around in their popped collars. Cubs win 3-1.

Game 3: Parra vs. Dempster
Toughest game to call in the series. Dempster is much worse on the road, but his off speed stuff could give the Brewers fits, particularly Braun. How will Parra react in the biggest start of his career? Of all the games, this one could turn into a high scoring affair. Prince gets a big hit late to propel the Crew. Brewers win 6-4.

Game 4: Harden vs. Bush
Ick. He's not getting the pub, but Harden's ERA is lower than CC's since the trades. Granted, he doesn't go deep into games. As for Bush, well, it's Bush. He can dominate in an April game against the Nationals, but he will wilt in this game. Cubs blow Bush's doors off and Harden maxes his pitch count after 5 2/3, but it doesn't matter. Cubs win 8-3.

Hate fuck or not?

Jen Sterger

The Case Against: Cubs Fans.

I'm hijacking Devil's Threesome's "The Case Against" bit for the Crew-Cubs series. Let's review the evidence against Cubs fans, the group of people for whom the word "fucktard" was created:

1.The whole "loveable losers" bullshit -- You know who's a loveable loser? A four-year-old playing his first tee-ball game who steps up to the plate, with the visor of the helmet tipped down over his eyes, and takes a mighty cut, only to miss the ball, spin around, and end up on his toochus. That makes you say, "Aww, li'l buddy, you tried so hard. Good for you." You know who's not a loveable loser? A stumblebum (or, in the Cubs case, a group of stumblebums) being paid millions of dollars to suck ass.

2. Wrigley Field -- The place is such a fucking dump that vegetation has overrun the outfield walls. Plus, they serve Old Style; there's no place to tailgate; you have a 3/4 chance of having a big fucking pillar blocking your view of the game; and you're surrounded for three hours by insufferable queef-nuggets who came to be seen at the game, not to see the game. Good times.

3. The stunning lack of basic knowledge about baseball -- Having taken in a few games at Wrigley, and a few more at Miller Park when the FIBs flock north, I have come to the conclusion that most Cubs fans have never seen a game in person. This is the only way to explain the way they collectively blow their load every time Mark DeRosa hits a fly ball to shallow center field. "Ohhh!! That's got a chance! Go, baby, go!" No, cocksnorter, that's a routine fly ball.

But it's more than that. They either (a) don't know enough about or (b) are too wrongheadedly stubborn to admit the weaknesses on their team. Anyone with half a brain can tell you that Alfonso Soriano belongs in the lead-off spot as much as Rickie Weeks does. Or that Fuck-u-do-me is a slap singles hitter masquerading as a masher. Or that Theriot is gawd-fucking-awful. Or that your farm system is a joke when you can't find someone to play centerfield and have to turn to the Corpse of Jim Edmonds to man the post.

That said, when you have this guy as your "color analyst" ...

4. Ron Santo -- ... you can't really be faulted for not knowing the first fucking thing about baseball.

Look, I know. He's got diabetes. He loses limbs like the Black Knight in Monty Python & The Holy Grail. He wasn't hired to provide hard-hitting insight. Fine, I get it. I do. But this man is a fucking abomination. Muttering "oh, jeez, oh, jeez" over and over again, and then screaming in delight when the Cubs do something good -- it's just embarrassing. Why not get a trained chimp to clap cymbals together whenever the Cubs score a run?

Anyway, my favorite Santo story (one that I'm sure I've told before): Cubs are playing the Astros a couple of years back. Cubs are up one late in the game, but Houston is threatening to score. If memory serves, there were men on second and third with one out. The Cubs bring the infield in. Biggio strikes out. And Santo drops this line:

"Well, now the infielders can move back to set up the double play."

I was driving when he said this, and I nearly drove into a bridge abutment. Never mind that there were two outs. There were runners on second and third. I mean, holy fuck.

5. Chicago -- nice city and all, but there's a serious inferiority complex going on down there. Ironically, Chicagoans love to jab at Milwaukee for being less of a city than Chicago. No debate there, but we're not trying to compete with you. We're quite content being Milwaukee, a decent-sized city that, in many respects, is like a big town. Chicago, though, always seems bothered that it's not on the same level as New York or LA.

You're still a pretty swell town, guys. It's just that your North-side baseball team, and all of its fans, are a spectacularly marvelous collection of assholes.

In Case You Missed It...

...Here's a little light reading from the JSonline, MU blog.

http://blogs.jsonline.com/muhoops/archive/2008/07/27/catching-up-on-cadougan.aspx

That'll get ya fired up, and he's not coming till 09! I like it.

Managers doing their thing.

We are all aware of it.  As fans, we all know which games are the big ones.  You can just feel it.  You get ready for it days in advance.  You can feel it in the air.  You get a little hard when the scent comes by your nose.  That is what we have ahead of us.  The managers of the Milwaukee Brewers and the Chicago Cubs do not feel the same way.

I can understand the role of the manager here.  He doesn't want to make any one series, especially one in July, seem too big.  But you know what, it is.  This four-game series is ridiculously huge.  This is the best chance for any team to put a little distance between them and the loser.  Best case scenario, we leave town up 3 games.  Worst case is that we leave town 5 games out.  I really don't see that happening, but might as well put it out there.  That way I don't seem too confident.

Back to the managers.  Yosty had this to say, "We want our fans to really enjoy it and fun with it, but as a team, we've got to stay focused on what we want. We want to win a championship."  Okay.  We all expected something like this.  Stay focused.  Win a championship.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  This does kind of contradict other things with the whole win a championship talk.  I thought we were supposed to stay focused on the series ahead of us.  That's what he just said during the Houston series... and we see how well that turned out.  If it wasn't for the gigantic balls of Mr. Braun, we would have been swept.  So, are we focused on each series or winning the whole damn thing?  Help me out.

The Cubs manager, Lou Piniella, had this to say, "The series in Milwaukee is important, but it's still July.  It is important, but real big?  I wouldn't classify it as real big."  Wow.  Nice lip service, Lou.  I know it's only July.  I know there is a lot of baseball left.  But, in the words of GOB, "Come on!".  This series could have a huge impact on what actually happens for the rest of the year.  It is four games near the end of July between two teams battling for first place in the best division in the National League.  At this point is there a difference between big and real big?  I'm not sure, but this series is f'ing huge if you ask me.  Each team has their big horses on the mound.  The Brewers are the hotter team right now, but the Cubs are tricky bastards that we all hate.  The fans hate each other.  The best part about it, the players know that we hate each other.  CC is glad he is a little naive about the hugeness of this rivalry.  Braun basically said he wants to rip out the hearts of the Cubs fans and eat it while dancing on the dead body of Zambrano.*

This a is big/huge/ginormous/balls deep series and we all know it.  No matter what the managers try to tell us.

*Might not be true, but Braun does know this is a big f'ing series... despite what his manager tells him.

Cubs fans only see Sabathia, not team

In typical Cubs fan fashion this weeks power rankings list the Cubs at 4 and the Brew Crew at 5.

4. Cubs (3): You can argue that this is no longer a top-five team, given the 11-11 record in July, but the Cubs’ plus-110 run differential is still the best in the majors. It suggests that they will be able to hold their own in the upcoming four-game series in Milwaukee. It may seem that the Brewers have captured the NL Central mojo, but we don’t remember anyone offering $1.3 billion when Bud Selig’s team was for sale.

FPMKE: So, what you're saying is that a .500 record over the last 22 games is acceptable because no one has been able to catch up with the run production of the 105 games that the Cubs have played. Apples and oranges? Wait, this guy took it a step further and compared a fruit salad to some deep fried cheese curds with his $1.3 billion comment. What a cock-smoke!

5. Brewers (8): Is there time for CC Sabathia to win the NL Cy Young? It’s a good debate. The feeling here is why not? Brandon Webb is really the only NL stalwart having a vintage season. If he finishes poorly, Sabathia could be in the picture. He’s 4-0 in four starts, the last three of which have been complete games, and should make 12-14 more starts before season’s end. If he finishes 14-2, maybe even 13-3, he could make it tough to vote for Edinson Volquez or Tim Lincecum.

FPMKE: So what you're saying is that you've noticed C(larence) C(arter) Strokin' lately and that he is solely responsible for the Brewers catching up to the Cubs in time for the big series. You didn't notice Ryan Braun hitting dingers or that Billy Brew has been given back sole possession of his job at 3rd base not because of consistency but because of clutch hitting?

Should be a good series gentlemen, let's play ball and settle it on the field.

In your face, Canada!

I know that not many people realize this, but Team USA Mens Basketball played an exhibition game against Team Canada last night.  They did this in Las Vegas and used it as an opportunity to whoop up on some lesser competition... just like the competition they will face in the actual Olympics.

I have been trying to decide if I should care about the Olympics.  There are so many cons, that it is hard to get up for it.  I love my country, don't get me wrong.  I want to see the old USA rack up a million medals just to prove we still have the biggest dicks in the world, but who really cares this time around.  Everything has been a mess leading up to the games.  It's a circus act without a circus (I hate the circus anyway, so I'm fine with that).

I will actively follow and cheer for the men's team for a couple of reasons.  Reason number 1.  Dwyane Wade.  Enough said.  Reason number 2.  Michael Redd.  I guess I can cheer for someone that should have been on previous teams and is from the hometown team (not sure for how much longer though).  Reason number 3.  As long as they don't call themselves the "Dream Team".  I hate it that so many other teams have used that after our boys in '92 were called that.  You are not a dream team.  There was only one dream team and they were fricken awesome!  I loved that team.  I had dream team shirts.  I got a dream team jacket for eating so much cereal.  I followed that team with such passion.  More passion than I had ever done anything as a 12 year old boy.  That team was special.  That team was awesome.  They would never had settled for bronze.  They would never had settled for losing.  I believe that if they did, they all would have placed a pill under their tongue to end it right there.  That is how committed and just ridiculously superior these guys were.  The competition back then sucked big time, but they never let up.  I should stop now before I seem really crazy.

So, Team USA, please don't call yourself the "Dream Team" and please let Wade and Redd play and then I will cheer for you and actively watch your games.  I really don't have much else to do right now.

Things are about to get interesting...

NFL.com is reporting that Brett Favre has told Ted Thompson that he is planning on attending training camp starting Sunday and is going to file his request to be activated with the commissioner as soon as today. The perfect storm is about to blow into Green Bay. If he puts on that #4 jersey Sunday shits going to hit the fan.

Thank God I've got the Brewers to distract me.

Hot or Not

It appears to be the day of posts here at QatB.  I guess the anticipation of the annual tailgate tomorrow will do that.

I have been thinking about doing this for a little bit because I am bored as all hell during the summer.  When the crew is out of town, I don't have much to do besides suck at golf and watch the hot neighbor girl.

I thought, we are men.  What do men like to t

alk about?  Sports.  Check.  Drinking.  Check.  Women.  Check... now.

I decided to start this off with someone I just saw

 on SportsCenter this morning.

Rachel Nichols

I am a fan of Miss Nichols.  So let's run down the reasons why she is hot or why she is not.

Hot:  Red Head.  I personally really like red heads.  A lot.  She has that going on.

Sports.  She knows about sports and can talk about it.  Not all sports reporters can do that, but she can.  She gets bonus points for not being an idiot.

By all accounts she is not ugly, fat, or a Cubs fan.  And she would probably look good naked.

Not:  I'm not sure what it is, but there is always something about her that I can't put my finger on that makes me think she is not hot.  I can't tell what it is because she looks pretty           good.  I just get the feeling that she is the kind of girl you bring out to meet your buddies for the first time and you are all proud because you are bringing in this girl you think is hot.  But, when you show up, all of your buddies say, "Yeah.  She seems nice."  It's like when Jerry dated Christine Taylor on Seinfeld.  Taylor is obviously an attractive woman, but all of her friends thanked Jerry for taking her out and his friends really didn't have anything good to say about her.  The only people that liked her were Jerry's parents.  That's the kind of feeling I get when I look at her.  I still like her though.

Please leave your comments below and let's see what you think.

Genius.

The boys at Kissing Suzy Kolber linked to this video earlier this week. It is, in a word, brilliant. I fear that I may have blown a funny fuse.

Ryan Braun Does Not Like My Work.

Pursuant to the articles of incorporation of Quevedo at the Buffet, Inc., I am designated as our official Nattering Nabob of Negativity. Accordingly, whenever one of our local teams coughs up a game in spectacularly atrocious fashion, or one of our allegedly-retired quarterbacks decides to drop trou and start taking a dump on his legacy and his former team, I am required to post something here. I rip without abandon, mostly because I'm very shallow.

For the past week, with the Brewers riding roughshod over the Giants and St. Louis LaRussas, I've had nothing to contribute. I thought that was going to change last night. I thought I was going to have to write my first post ripping Corey Hart. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Corey seems to have three gears: he either plays really well, or just OK (maybe 0-3 with a run scored, something like that), or really, really, otherworldly, unfathomably, stomach-turningly bad. He doesn't do the last one all that often, but when he does -- Lawdy. Oh-for-five, grounds into two double plays (and should've been three, if the turn at second base would've been better) to snuff out two potential rallies, makes an inexcusable error with two down, allowing the go-ahead run to score. He did the same thing against the Twins earlier this year, leaving a steaming pile of excrement all over the field.

Anyway, I don't have to write about that, because Ryan Braun did what a MAN does when a MAN's team is cornered -- lashed out like a starved wolverine and clawed Ryan Franklin's eyes out. In fact, Braun's homer led to the first-ever Emergency Conference of the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club's Naming Committee, convened to debate whether the name of the Club should actually be the "Ryan J. Braun I Am A MAN" Club.

So, long story short, I'll continue to sit quietly and enjoy my time off. Thanks, Brauny.

Something else to make us feel good.

I'm not going to speak for everyone here at QatB, but I'm pretty sure that everyone here is really happy right now.  The Brewers are ridiculously hot and are rolling unlike any other team in the game right now.  The Marquette Basketball situation seems to have come out pretty good after a very messy divorce.  We then had a divorce that was even messier (and not done yet) that I think we have all successfully blocked out of our minds for now.  And now there is this news:

As reported by the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, A Badger football player has been suspended.  I know that I am shocked, so I can only imagine the shock for the rest of you.  I thought all Badger football players were upstanding citizens that helped old ladies cross the street and blow-up illegal meth labs.  That is what the MJS would have us normally believe.  They love them some BADgers.

The player that was suspended was done so for violating the terms of his first-offender program.  He didn't play in any road games last year because of his violation and now he won't play in any games at all.  He was slated to be the third running back, so I doubt this is a huge blow for the atrocious Big Televen team.

Everything seems to be coming up Milhouse.  Enjoy the ride, folks.

Ryan Braun - Fear Him

That picture to the right is actually Ryan Braun.  He's not a Vikings fan, I swear, but do you know what's in his right hand?  That's a human heart.  It's the collective heart of the Cardinals and he has removed it and, kosher or not, he will eat it tonight while laughing the whole way back to Milwaukee.

This guy is also a jag...

This is right where we want to be.

I don't know about the rest of you Brewers' fans out there, but I really like our position right now.  Yeah, we all like winning 7 in a row.  We all like having the best pitcher in the game right now.  We all like beating the Cardinals to a bloody pulp.  We all like watching the Cubs lose.  But, you wanna know what I really like?  I really like being in 2nd place right now.  Let's think about this.

We really have no pressure on us right now.  Last year at this time we were sweating like a woman of ill repute sitting in a house of the Lord.  We were all waiting for the epic collapse we all saw coming.  We knew it.  We could feel it.  It didn't feel good.  Right now, we are the best story in baseball (I know I'm biased, but come on. Who else is doing what we are doing right now?).  We are on a roll and the fans are loving us.  We are a good story throughout the whole darn country.  Nobody is talking about peeing their pants for the Brewers.  The only ones peeing their pants are the idiot Cubs.  They see what's coming and they see how we caught up real quick.

Here is how I would like to see this go down.  We enter August right on the heels of the Cubs.  We play some nip and tuck ball and stay close.  We hit September a game or two back.  At this point, the Cubs have a collapse that would even make the Pope question his faith.  Think the Bartman game times 70 jabillion.  We just keep charging and end up winning the division by 10 with the Cubs in 3rd place and the Cards taking the Wild Card.

Can this happen?  Probably not.  But there really wouldn't be any huge pressure on the crew like there was last year.  We all win and then we all get drunk.

This guy is a jag.

That is all.

Eat A Dick LaRussa

This one has to hurt doesn't it Anthony? Your ace was dealin', just straight dealin'. But...you left him in too long. Instead of using 14 relievers for 16 batters, you kept Kyle Lohse in. And then Billy CRUSHED another homer on your relievers. I can't wait until you throw at him tomorrow for posing you pederast. Eat and dick and enjoy CC & Sheets.

Random Musings...

How big was the CC trade? Really freaking big actually. Exhibit A is this four game series against STL. I know this is very basic, but because MC Lung gave us 5 good innings yesterday and we got the win, we are all but guaranteed a series split b/c CC and Sheeter are going the final two games. The 2nd game of a 4 game series at STL is a gravy day!! We also have Sheets and CC set up to pitch the first 2 games of the Cubs series next week. Talk about demoralizing for the visitors!

Home/Road Platoon?? I love this idea. MC Lung and Bushy's numbers tell the story here, hopefully that bears out the rest of the year. Everyone's fifth starter is crap and we have the opportunity to limit the crappiness with this move. It also provides some flexibility with the long reliever situation and frees up Villanueva. Anyone else notice that he's pitching later in games now? Much better option than the human gas can or Frenchie. Speaking of...

Stay of Execution Congrats to Bill Mota and Eric Gagne for receiving an 11th hour stay of execution last night. We know the night will come, it's only a question of when.

Rick Weeks - I'm Stumped Dude hits a 3 run run bomb and gets a clutch single in the top of the 11th. Also nearly chokes away the game for us in the field. How will he react to Durham being in the clubhouse? Ray-Ray says he wants to be a mentor, which I believe, how will The Rick react?

Bill Hall - The Wildcard I said this at some point, probably after several High Lifes, but if Billy gets hot in the second half and gives us 2 1/2 months of good ball, we're in the playoffs. I'm ready to pull the plug on the platoon and start Billy every day.

In the heart of Packers Country!

I was at a wedding up in the Green Bay area this weekend.  I thought this would be a good opportunity to gauge how the people in the heart of Packers Country felt about the Brett Favre situation.  I'm as sick as anyone of this ordeal, but I decided to put those feelings aside and ask the hard hitting question, "How do you feel about this?"

I was actually relieved to learn that several of the locals were sick of Favre and all this crap. I was sure I would get a lot of answers that had something to do with how they should let him come back and they owe it to him and blah blah blah.  I guess the up north folks ain't that dumb.  A lot of them think it is mean to Aaron "Porn Stache" Rodgers to have all of this Favre crap going on.  I can't really argue against that.

I brought up whether the people thought he should be traded or made to ride the pine.  I am happy to report that no one suggested releasing him.  These up north types are smarter than Greta Van Sustern (I don't know if that is how you spell her name but I refuse to look it up since I think she sucks.  After hearing her on Homer last week she is just a spoiled brat ugly bitch!).  A lot of people said trade him.  They didn't care who he went to, but they would rather that he didn't end up in the North Division.

It was interesting to watch all the news up there with my Dad.  My pops has never been the biggest sports fan.  When you grow up a farm boy, you don't have time for much else besides the farm work.  He was also the oldest, so he worked a ton on stuff.  He is now starting to come around and he actually knows who is on the Brewers and Packers, who they are playing and how they are doing.  He can now carry on conversations about sports.  It's nice.  Don't get me wrong, he was a great sports dad growing up.  He taught me to throw a baseball and how to play that game (the Va Jay Jay's have some good baseball genes...it kind of missed me, but I was also way too hurt to try and further my little league all-star career in high school) and also taught me about other sports and would go outside and have a catch for hours.  It's nice now to be able to discuss sports with people back home.  This leads me to the next part.

The wedding I was at was for a cousin on my Dad's side.  My dad's side is very rural.  They grew up a farm family with 12 kids.  For the most part, all of the kids live in the same 30 mile area and work in blue collar jobs.  It's not that I'm not used to this scene anymore, but it's been awhile.  It's not very often when I'm left out of a conversation because the cousins are talking about taking over the family farm or how the boat factory is going.  It made me realize that I'm glad I got out of there and to the "big" city.  It also made me realize that people in this state love baseball.  Not only that, they love the Brewers.  I was like a rock star (aside from being an actual rock star... kind of) when everyone learned I still worked for the crew.  This was way more interesting than any conversation I had about the #4 all weekend.

So, Brett, I love you.  I have loved every minute of your career.  Even when you sucked, it was still better than having Brian Griese, Joey Harrington, Rex Grossman or any other craptacular QB.  But, seriously dude, the time to move on is now.  Stop.  Just stop.  Even the people in the heart of Packers Country realize this.

Yosty!

So, King Ned, is a .215 batting average and .320 on-base percentage what you were expecting out of the second overall pick in the 2003 draft?

"I wouldn't say he has underachieved," said Yost. "He has never been a .300 hitter (in the majors), so who says he is underachieving?

"He's working his way up. He's getting better in all phases of his game. For me, he has never underachieved because he never achieved up here. How can you say he has underachieved?"

Oh, King Ned: in your never-ending, misguided quest to defend your players at all costs, you've given Rickie Weeks one of the most glorious backhanded compliments I've ever seen.  You can't say he's underachieving because he's always sucked dick.  Bravo, sir.  Bravo.

New hat time?

I've been receiving a number of comments about how nasty and ragged my retro-style Brewers cap has become. I need help from the Buffet to determine when is the appropriate time to retire a cap.

The picture includes my favorite Brewers cap as well as two hats I have tried out over the last year. To quote Garth Algar, the new caps were constrictive. Plus I look ridiculous in the pinwheel style cap.

Is it time for me to give in and wear in a new cap?

Brett Favre... Bearable

With Apologies to Kevin Nealon.

Let's consider this dandy of a quote from the latest episode of the FOX mini-series, Greta van Susteran Talks to an Overcompensated Southern Honky Who's Tired of Mowing His Lawn:

"I like my teammates," Favre said.

I know the names of three of them: Driver (that one's easy to remember), Hawk (ditto), and Baji Bamilli (that's a tough one, but I powered through it).

"I had a lot of fun with them. 

One time I let Jennings wash my car.  That was a great day.

"I have talked to numerous guys throughout this whole ordeal.

Actually, I sent them those text message things.  "MIS FTBAL.  WANT CUM BCK."

"I wish them the best, I really do. I hold nothing against those guys. 

Which is really big of me, considering all the shit they've done.  Tauscher called me a douchefuck who pussed out at the worst possible moment in the NFC Championship game.  Grant tried to sleep with my wife.  Fuck, Woodson announced my retirement before I even had a chance to think about it.  I mean, it's amazing that I hold nothing against those guys.  Fucking assholes.

We had a lot of fun together. We had, it was an amazing year last year. I don't want to make it any worse than it is."

Not possible.

Bud Selig

Dear Bud:

I am kind of drunk, tired, and need to work in the morning. Can't you just end the All Star game already?

I mean, I know you have some pull and every little bit would help at this point. Corey Hart looks terrible; he needs a beer and a nap. Are you trying to satisfy the West Coast Japs or what?

Please Bud, please.

The bachelor party that could have been...

No offense to Sheet's Va Jay Jay who threw one hell of a Canadian bachelor party for Reid You Animal. I had a good time...I've heard other people had a good time...but we should have done this:

http://www.ottawasun.com/News/National/2008/07/15/6161016-sun.html

Boiling Over.

I wrote Brett Favre a tongue-in-cheek letter about a week ago, believing that he wasn't serious about coming back and was just looking for someone to stroke his massive ego. Since then, Favre has publicly demanded that he be released from his contract, taken shots at Ted Thompson and Mike McCarthy in the media, and, perhaps most bizarrely of all, given an interview to Greta van Susteren on Fox News.

Let me make clear, at the beginning, that I'm only speaking for myself here -- not for anyone at the Buffet or Mrs. Q or my mother. Others will have different opinions, and those opinions are valid. But I'm at my wits end with this hick.

Every time Brett Favre opens his mouth now, I hear the same thing, over and over and over: "Me. Me. Me me me. Meeeeeeeeeeee." Alright, Brett. You want to talk about you? Let's have at it.

You are a 14-year-old girl.

You say you don't feel "wanted" in Green Bay anymore. You say that you were "pressured" into deciding whether to retire. You say that, when you retired, you knew it was "possible" that the Packers would move on...

(I'm sorry, I can't let that last one go without a comment. Of course it was fucking "possible" that the organization would move on when its starting fucking quarterback retired. What the fuck did you expect them to do? Sit quietly, maybe write you some letters telling you how much they missed you, pine for you during training camp, and then, when the season started and they realized, "Holy shit, Brett isn't coming back!", throw a wide receiver out there to take the snaps? My God. How full of yourself do you have to be to say that you thought it "possible" that the team would go in a different direction after you quit playing?)

Here's what I know about you, Brett. Your play, in the last few seasons (save for last season, of course), was borderline terrible. You were an average quarterback, at best, but because you're Brett Favre, nobody talked about it. No, we heard about you needing "more weapons." Give Brett more weapons, and he'll get it done, we were told. Nobody mentioned the fact that you hadn't carried this team for a few years; that Ahman Green was doing the heavy lifting, carrying the ball so often that, eventually, a tendon in his leg ended up snapping like a rubber band; that the offensive line was probably the best in football for a good three years; and that, when the line lost a couple of pieces, and when Ahman went down, you didn't do -- you couldn't do -- jack shit to save the season. Instead, you winged nearly 30 interceptions, shrugged, and said: "We did the best we could, be we just don't have the horses."

I also know that you're one of the most uncoachable players in the league. Holmgren essentially had to put a shock collar on you to get you to throw a ball out of bounds when the play broke down and no one was open. You're the primary reason Ray Rhodes only lasted a year in Green Bay. And Sherman is maligned for having good teams that never reached their potential, when you kept those teams from doing all they could because of your wildly inconsistent and reckless play. McCarthy actually had the stones to stand up to you, to make you follow a game plan, and look what happened -- we won big. And what does he get for his efforts? He gets branded (along with Thompson) as the guy who ran Brett out of town when Brett still wanted to play. In the ultimate irony, he gets called selfish for moving on with Aaron Rodgers when you quit and then said you wanted to come back.

And here's the last thing I know about you, Brett: you're not worth it. As much as you want to believe Brett Favre is the Green Bay Packers, and as much as we've been told that Brett Favre is the Green Bay Packers, it's just not true. This team existed long before you and will exist long after you. Thank God that Ted Thompson has the foresight to plan for that. Unfortunately, just like McCarthy, he gets called selfish for doing so. But here's the thing -- those same people who are clamoring for your return are the same people who will taking to the streets with pitchforks and torches if Thompson mortgages the future for you and the team goes 7-9 in the first year after you actually retire.

The only point where I have any sympathy for you is here: you are clearly a depressed man. God willing, you'll live for another forty years. And you've got nothing at all to do. That must be a sobering realization.

Where I don't have sympathy for you is here: you are clearly a deluded man. Somewhere along the line, you came to believe that you're bigger than the game, more important than anyone else on the team -- that you're owed something. None of us is owed anything, Brett. And, more importantly, bitching and complaining about how you're owed something will never convince anyone that you're right.

Chicago media: you can't have two number 1's that makes 11

Phil Rogers' MLB power rankings
Last week's rankings in parentheses
1. Cubs (4): Rich Harden, wasted no time showing why the Cubs added him. Along with Carlos Zambrano, he gives Lou Piniella the 1-2 combination he wants for October. The challenge, of course, is keeping Harden healthy.
11. Brewers (8): CC Sabathia has generated excitement, but the Brewers still need arms, especially in the bullpen. They are talking to San Francisco about Jack Taschner, a Milwaukee native. Kansas City’s Ron Mahay seems another likely target.

Read the rest here:
http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2008/07/phil-rogers-m-1.html?cid=122219410#comments

It is important to note that the Phil Rogers is an employee of the Tribune Co. The Tribune Co. owns the Cubs and therefore, Phil Rogers is obligated to be a douchebag. I also think he might be married to Mike Hunt's sister.

In other news, I got into a point, counterpoint, fuck you fight with one of the posters.

The Brewers at 11?! You're smoking crack! The Cubs are overrated and destined to choke like they do every year. Milwaukee will be laughing when they win the division and St. Louis takes the wild card.
Posted by: Bobbo Jul 14, 2008 7:50:37 AM

Bobbo and Adolph,
"The Cubs are overrated and destined to choke like they do every year. Milwaukee will be laughing when they win the division and St. Louis takes the wild card."

You obviously didn't watch baseball last year! I believe the Cubs came back from like 7 games down to take the division........you call that a choke? yeah the Cubs are overrated.....they share the best record in baseball but they are overrated? haha.....I think we all take your comments seriously!

I would have loved to play the Twins, Tigers and Red Sox.....because when we played the Pirates I believe the twins and tigers were some 10-12 games below .500........it would have been like playing the Pirates! As for the Red Sox....St Louis took 2 of 3 in Boston so I think we could handle the them.........
Posted by: AOBKING Jul 14, 2008 9:54:07 AM

AOBKING:
Actually, I did watch baseball last year and it was sad to see the Brewers lose steam in the final weeks. But it was just pathetic to see the Cubs get swept out of the playoffs.

The Brewers have the best record in baseball since May 20 and are gaining ground on the Cubs. The addition of Sabathia only strengthens their rotation. The guy pitched 9 innings yesterday for the win and crushed a home run.

Wood is on the DL, Harden spent a month on the DL, Zambrano was on the DL, and Soriano has some major agility issues. The guy needs to learn a life lesson from Ken Griffey Jr and figure out that stretching before games helps.

Nice pick up on Harden... I thought you guys let Prior walk last year but it was nice to see the second coming of your Messiah.

I recognize that the Brewers have never won a World Series but I'll crack a Highlife to 100 years of Cubs futility any day of the week.
Posted by: Bobbo Jul 14, 2008 1:24:43 PM

The Inaugural Members of the Franklin Stubbs Amputee Pron Club.

Based on a magnificent suggestion by the magnificent bastard Devil's Threesome, I am happy / mortified to announce the creation of the Franklin Stubbs Amputee Pron Club. Our emeritus members (subject to change) include:

Franklin Stubbs

Sean Berry

Teddy Higuera

Ron Belliard

Marquis Grissom

Applications are coming in faster than we can consider them, but, thus far, we have approved the following members for the current fiscal year:

Bill Mota

Eric Gagne

Rickie Weeks

Your suggestions are always welcome, although I may never read them. But the fact that you took the time to send them in says something.

The Corey Hart 'I Am A MAN' Club Needs Your Help.

TO: All Voting Members of Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club

FROM: Rubie Q, Chairman, Membership Committee

RE: Pending Applications

Esteemed colleagues:

As you know, the Membership Committee recently received two applications for membership in this prestigious organization. I will summarize these applications immediately below:

Jason Daniel Kendall, Catcher -- Application received approximately one week ago. Perhaps not coincidentally, Mr. Kendall immediately went 0-20 in his next five games to cool his average to .258. But nobody cares about what he does with the bat in his hands anyway. No, Mr. Kendall's application was based on the work he does behind the plate. Indeed, the fact that he actually does some work behind the plate made him an immediate upgrade over the last slug who played catcher. His application is also based on the fact that his skeleton is made of adamantium, a la Wolverine. Seems that when he hideously shattered his ankle some years back (I would post a picture, but I googled the image and actually threw up on my keyboard when I saw it), he had the Pirates team docs outfit him with a metal that actually doesn't exist.

Membership Committee's recommendation: Approve.

Carsten Charles Sabathia, Starting Pitcher / Defensive Tackle -- Application received yesterday (July 13, 2008). Hasn't had his usual outstanding stuff yet, but has still posted a 2-0 record with a sub-3.00 ERA. Caused an outbreak of erections around the state when he fanned the last three hitters he faced in yesterday's game. In the ninth inning. After throwing 120 pitches. Rumor is that he placed a call on the bullpen phone in the seventh inning: "Hey, Castro, it's CC. Tell those fucksticks they're not blowing my game. Have a hot dog and enjoy the show." And, just for good measure, hit a ball 450 feet in the third inning.

Membership Committee's recommendation: Approve.

As always, your prompt response is appreciated.

With warm regards,

Rubie Q.

And THAT is why to trade for that guy!

Not that anyone needs me to tell them this, but today's performance was the exact reason you go out and get a guy like CC Sabathia. He looked a litte erratic to start off, including plunking 2 guys. But damn man, he settled in and was fucking dealing. I mean, just making guys look silly. It's tough to believe, but a line of 9 innings pitched, only 2 runs, 9 Ks and only 1 walk only tells a portion of the story. When he came to bat in the bottom of the 7th, with the game tied at 2, it seemed like that was the time to pinch hit for your starter and try to get something going. But at that moment I got 2 texts, almost simultaneously, saying "Don't take him out, he needs to finish this game because we don't trust anyone in the bullpen." Apparently that was also the sentiment in the Brewers' dugout. They let him hit and sent him back out for the 8th, where he worked around a little trouble but made Junior Griffey look silly to end the inning. But wait, there's more. The Crew failed to get him any runs in the 8th, and they decided to send him out for the 9th. I was shocked by this ballsy call, especially since he was at 111 pitches already. Then, as if to say "calm down sucka, I got this shit," CC comes out and, not only gets through the 9th, but fucking dominates in the 9th; striking out the side on 11 pitches. The Brewers finally push one across (thanks to Billy Hall starting the frame with a nice single) in the bottom of the 9th and CC gets the win. Oh, did mention he also hit a homerun? Yeah, he did that too.



This was such a huge win because the Brewers were staring down the barrel of a sweep at the hands of the Reds, who have no business sweeping anyone. What a shitty way to go into the all-star break that would've been. But you give the ball to a bonafide ace like Sabathia and let him do his thing. That's why it's sooo sweet to have him. Had the Crew given the ball to Jeff Suppan today God knows what could've happened. Nothing against Suppan but he is nowhere near this caliber a player. I am so impressed with the performance from CC today, and he is one of the big reason that I still have faith that this Brewers team will be a team to be reckoned with for the rest of this season.

Six Degrees of Dick Sex.

Our Illinois friend mentioned that the Richie Sexson trade has expanded to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon-like proportions. Let's review:

DickSex was traded for Chris Capuano, Chad Moeller (ha), Junior Spivey, Craig Counsell, Lyle Overbay, and George of the Rose...who started yesterday for the Rockies.

Cappy is back in Arizona, but not by choice. If there is any justice in this world, Moeller is ranching sheep somewhere and eating pudding with other gay cowboys. Spivey was dealt to the Nats for Tomo Ohka (wow). Craigers is still here hunting Whitefish poon. George of the Rose became Tony Graffanino. And Overbay was dealt to Toronto for Zach Jackson, Gabe Gross, and Dave Bush...who started yesterday for the Brewers. Wild.

Gross was traded to Tampa for a piece of pizza that sat on the kitchen counter for a day. Zach Jackson was dealt (as an afterthought) for the Creedence.

So, in the end, we got C.C. for DickSex. Not a bad trade.

Chicago Media: Badger Fans Not Diverse, They All Suck

In honor of Iran doctoring their missile launch photos, the Chicago Tribune is running a story about infamous photo fakes. My personal favorite was photo fake #9 when the Badgers decided to show diversity by cutting and pasting a token black guy into the crowd:

"Cheering students appear on the cover of the new application form for undergraduate admissions to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In an effort to show diversity, school officials added the face of a black student (far left, center of photo) to a file photo of students cheering during a 1993 football game. (University of Wisconsin-Madison / September 19, 2000)"

Nice work guys, you made all of Wisconsin very proud.

Now an All-Star MAN!

That's right.  Now the entire continent of North America knows how much of a man Corey Hart is.  As far as I'm concerned, he crushed the competition. I spent a lot of time voting. A lot.  I had a feeling that he might win no matter what.  The votes might break down like this.

David Wright - A lot of votes.

Corey Hart - One more vote than David Wright.

MLB wanted Corey on the team I think. He is from the commissioners team and I think that guy can pull some strings. Plus, who doesn't want this MAN with awesome tattoos (according to Carlos Villanueva) on an All-Star team heading to New York.

Corey "Man" Hart, we here at QatB salute you.

Bringing Sex-y back... thoughts?

Apparently the Mariners have released Richie Sexson. His career has taken a significant downturn since he was traded to Arizona in what can affectionally be referred to as The Diamondbacks Folly.

I personally like to refer to the Sex-y as the gift that keeps on giving. It seems like we have multiple trades that can be traced back to Richie Sexson as a source. I'm too lazy to sort it all out but it's kind of like the Kevin Bacon game so have some fun with that.

Given what the Sex-y used to be able to do for the Brewers and the numerous other washed-up players we've given a second or third chance (Brooks Kieschnick, Gabe Kapler, Russel the muscle, Hideo Nomo, Jeff Cirllo... to name a few), do we pick up the Sex-y as another bat and an option to give Prince a day off?

Speechless.

Eight innings, one run, four hits, no walks, and THIRTEEN strikeouts.

Tips cap to Dave Bush, shakes head in disbelief, walks away to try to make sense of the universe.

Up is down. Down is up.

Rubie you are going to get your wish...

Unless M.C. Lung throws a no hitter Saturday against Volquez and the Reds, Mr. Bush is going to be the 5th starter coming out of the All-Star break. He's been pretty solid. 8 IP, 4 hits, 1 earned run, 13 strike outs...yeah 13 strike outs, and zero walks. I'm posting this after 8, he might come out for the complete game.

I like having McClung in the bullpen he can come in and throw some heat.

Yosty!

OK, I get it: you guys think I'm a douchebag and a bad fan for questioning King Ned's competency. Thing is, when he says shit like this:

"[Mota's] struggling," Yost said. "There's no way around it. It seems he gets two outs and the bottom falls out, and that's what happened again.

"His stuff is so good, it is a bit mystifying."

What am I supposed to do? Agree? Anybody who watched Mota pitch last night knows his "stuff" was crap. He was throwing 90 mph fastballs (and if they were sliders, they weren't moving at all) right down the middle of the plate. He was throwing batting practice.

Serenity now ... serenity now ... serenity now...

Mota

Seriously.  Why?  Can anyone answer that?  He has proven that he should only be in the game when we are way down.  Not even way up because it is not safe.

We had other arms that could have been used.  Shouse went out again today, so obviously he was ready.  What about Gagne?  He was good yesterday and should have some arm left.  Hell, trot Torres out there for two innings.  What about Villanueva?  He hasn't pitched in a few days.  Absolutely ridiculous.

I'm upset.  Cut his sorry hinder right now.  Mota is bad. Bad.  Bad.

And give me a break.  GlenDON "Cy" Rusch.  F'n ridiculous.

So, like, what's the plan for 3rd base?

Unlike the majority of the internet ranting, sports radio show calling world out there, I do not operate under the assumption that everyone besides me is a complete idiot and only I know what's best for my favorite teams at all times. If anything, I'm the opposite of that. I understand that I don't know enough detail about most sports to really take on a head coach or a GM. I usually give the people that are actually in the locker room, around the team on a day to day basis the benefit of the doubt no matter what the decision.

Of all the sports, the one I know the best is baseball. And I think one of the reasons I love baseball so much is because I really like trying to think along with a manager during the course of a game. So while the average fan, will be the first to jump all over a skipper as soon as the move he makes, or doesn't make, backfires, and the super knowledgeable fan is screaming for the move that he or she thinks should be made and can't comprehend why the idiot running things doesn't see it too; I prefer to watch and try and figure out why. Why does a manager decide go get a pitcher when he does? Why does he not pinch hit or bunt in a certain situation? A lot of people would tell you it's because he's clearly an idiot and knows nothing about baseball. But I think there's always a reason for every move. So, I watch it and try to think what he's thinking and that's one of the things that I so enjoy about the game. This isn't to say that I'm smarter or a better fan than anyone else, it's just the way I am. (It's also one of the things that makes the NL brand of baseball a far superior product, but that's for another rant.)

This leads us to last night, in the 7th inning, bases loaded, and the Brewers leading 5-3. Bill Hall comes up against a right-handed reliever. The entire crowd is yelling for Russell Branyan (including a Badger friend of mine 2 rows behind me). But Yost stays with Bill Hall who delivers a 2-run single to left (after stunning everyone by letting 2 consecutive sliders away go by). So, the question is, why? Why stay with Hall there when Branyan was the "obvious choice". I said to my Badger friend that maybe it's because Bill Hall is a better defender (which he is) and the Brewers already had a 2-run lead.

But I also thought, maybe they really want Hall to get going and were willing to gamble a couple extra insurance runs for the chance to let Billy get a big hit that might help him right the ship and start hitting the way the team hoped he would at the start of the season. I definitely think there's something to that. I'd be willing to bet that if you asked any person in Brewer management or on the coaching staff off the record what they'd like to happen with the 3rd base spot for the rest of this season, they'd tell you that they would really like to see Bill Hall get going and hold that spot down for the duration. That's probably some big time wishful thinking, but I can't say I'd disagree with that. If we're all being completely honest here, you have to agree that the Russell Branyan magical, mystery tour that he's been on since coming up is NOT going to last all season. Hot as he might be he's still Russell Branyan, and when he cools down there's going to be a decision to make. Maybe this stretch of consistent ABs against leftys is just what the doctor ordered for Hall and the Brewers? Maybe I'm just over-reacting to one good AB by a guy that'll never be anything more than a good hitter against leftys and an atrocious hitter against rightys? Maybe I've just written a long ass blog, with zero humor in it, that no one will actually read? Hope so, hope not, and definitely.

CC: First Impressions.

We'll continue with the Fan's Guide to CC's new teammates later. Here's what I came away with after seeing Creedence in person for the first time:

(1) He's big. Like, defensive end big. Prince, conversely, is just fat.

(2) He can throw some serious cheese. He was still hitting 97 in the sixth. I mean, Sheets can hump it up there pretty good, but CC's fastball was on another level.

(3) The curve/slider (I'm not sure which he throws) has plenty of movement -- in fact, too much movement last night. He couldn't throw it for a strike -- save for two pitches to Holliday -- and the Colorado hitters just started laying off when they got into a two-strike count. That looked like nerves to me.

(4) Manny Parra should be taking copious amounts of notes every time CC pitches.

(5) We need to update "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain." I'm struggling. Sabathia doesn't rhyme with anything, so you have to use CC. "CC and Sheets and eat your beets"? "Sheets and CC, and Bush is a pussy"? Help me out.

Arms Race in Progess... Mutual Destruction Assured.

In an unsurprising counter move, it is being reported that the Cubs acquired oft-injured Rich Harden from the A's. I saw it on FoxNews but I decided to check the Cubs website to verify; definitely true.

I honestly didn't think they had the players to make a trade but apparently when I jokingly said "What are they going to do, give somebody Matt Murton?" at the BM Tailgate somebody was fucking listening to me.

Not sure what this does for the Cubs besides reveal that they are worried about The Creedence. They didn't give up much:

Matt Murton - they didn't need him, didn't want him, and failed to move him in the off-season

Sean Gallagher - he wasn't that great of a pitcher

Eric Patterson - related to Corey Patterson and not likely to be a fan-favorite at Wrigley

John Donaldson - minor league catcher

In acquiring Harden, the Cubs now have a Sheets-esque pitcher who shows signs of pitching greatness but has been on the disabled list 6 times over his 6 year career including a month this year for a shoulder strain. Plus, they add another Canuck on the squad and could have some major issues with the Luxury Tax based on fluctuation in the weasel.

A Fan's Guide On Your New Teammates, Part II.

Made any friends yet, CC? Hopefully, the first installment of the Fan's Guide got you pointed in the right direction. Let's continue, shall we?

Craig Counsell -- Wait a minute, you're saying to yourself. Didn't I watch this elf play for the Marlins when I was in middle school? You sure did, CC. And Craigers is still bringing the thunder today. He also knows all the really good spots to pick up high school chicks in Whitefish Bay...or, as some call it, White Folks Bay! Do you get it, CC? Do you get the joke? Because there are a lot of white people living in Whitefish Bay, so we took the "fish" out and put "folks" in instead! Yeah, we bring the funny here.

Bill Hall -- Ahh, the proverbial turd in the punch bowl. You won't be able to miss Billy (he acts like a four-year-old, he gets a four-year-old's nickname) on the field -- he's the one with the swing that's so long that it looks like he's swinging a broom. Also, Billy's not the guy you want to go to if you've got an itch to do some Sodoku or any else that requires a functioning brain. Dude can't figure out why he's in a platoon when he's hitting .150 against righties.

Jeff Suppan -- As you might have heard, you're taking his spot in the rotation for the next couple weeks. He allegedly hurt his elbow swinging a bat about a month ago, but claims that it doesn't hurt when he pitches, but he's going on the DL anyway, so...yeah... You know how the NBA did away with the "injured" list a couple years ago, since teams were having to come up with bogus injuries like "sprained cornea" to explain why a guy didn't dress for the game? And then they said, "Aww, to hell with it, let's end the fucking charade and just call it the 'inactive' list"? Jeff Suppan is on the 'inactive' list right now.

Ryan Braun -- Remember Corey Hart's bitchin' tattoo? The one with the skull that was on fire and was doing a bunch of ridiculous, awesome shit? Check out Braun -- he's got the other half of that tattoo, the one that shows all the ridiculous, awesome shit that the skull's body is doing. If I remember right, the skull's body (which is also on fire) is slaying an army of ninjas while flying an F-16 which is dropping bombs on the Communists. Oh, and the skull body is also banging this hot chick with big boobs. All in front of a huge American flag. And, once again, above it all is the word: "MAN."

Jason Kendall -- I'm not going to say anything silly about this guy. I just want to tell you this, Carston Charles: whatever pitch he tells you to throw, throw it. Such is my faith in Jason Kendall. I would like to submit the following three non sequiturs to demonstrate said faith:

(1) Kendall's application for membership in the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" club is receiving serious consideration in the executive committee as we speak.

(2) When I say, "I would go to war with Jason Kendall," I am not using a metaphor. I literally mean what I say. I would clone Jason Kendall, take 10,000 of him to Afghanistan and Iraq, and the War on Terr-ah would be done in three days.

(3) The best way to describe Jason Kendall is to quote Ivan Drago when he was fighting Rocky in Russia: "He is like piece of iron." He's on pace for, what, 140 games? As a catcher? Fucking ridiculous.

Dave Bush -- He'll be the guy who spends four hours lifting weights, then another hour on the treadmill, then another two-and-a-half configuring his facial hair, only to realize that he has to start that night. And then, just when you've just spent the previous hour telling your friends how completely fucking worthless Dave Bush is, he'll promptly go out and toss three-hit ball for eight innings. Fucking asshole.

Still to come -- Sheeter and Gabey and Cammy, oh my!

A Fan's Guide On Your New Teammates, Part I.

I enjoyed my day off. I'm refreshed and ready to tear into this team again. What a show you dumbfucks put on for your new teammate last night. I'm sure he was impressed to see you get completely manhandled by Ubaldo Fucking Jimenez, and then politely refuse to take the game when the Rockies were doing everything to puke it away in the eighth inning. Top notch, gentlemen. Just top notch.

Anyway, as a public service to Creedence Clearwater, I'd like to submit this brief Fan's Guide on some of his new teammates. Here's Part I:

Rickie Weeks -- You might be confused when you see a guy with an OBP of .310 leading off for your new team. Don't feel bad; none of us understand it either. Your new manager (he'll be the guy that arrives via the short bus every day) says it's because Weeks is a "run scorer." Apparently, your new manager believes that when Weeks actually gets on base, he emits some kind of pheromone that makes your other teammates drive Rickie in. (He's kind of like that kid Leech in X-Men 3, except he gives people superpowers instead of taking them away.) But that's not Rickie's only mutant superpower -- also, his farts have many of the same properties as helium. Your new manager hasn't quite figured out what to do with that one yet.

Prince Fielder -- He's your biggest competition (literally and figuratively) for the team's Best Tits award. Also, everyone on the team has agreed to keep an eye on Prince right before the game starts to make sure he doesn't have a Roll-O in his mouth when he takes the field. Your help with this would be appreciated.

JJ Hardy -- He'll be the one with a new, male "cousin" hanging out at his locker after every game. Just go with it. It's kind of a Milwaukee thing; we've got a blantatly gay United States Senator, too, and nobody says anything about it (at least not publicly).

Corey Hart -- You'll recognize him by the tattoo on his back -- it's a skull that's on fire biting a scorpion in half and shooting laser beams from its eyes to destroy the Death Star and drinking twelve beers at once, all with a big American flag in the background. And above it, in big block letters, it simply says: "MAN."

Eric Gagne, Bill Mota, and David Riske -- You probably haven't seen a clubhouse that's quarantined before. Well, by necessity, ours is. You'll see three guys sitting behind a plastic partition, breathing filtered air. That's Gagne and Mota and Riske. Unfortunately, they caught a highly contagious form of Suck that we're trying to stop from spreading to the rest of the 'pen. Stay as far away from them as possible.

Checking in with the residents of Brewers County.

It is now official.  The Brewers are actually going to try this year.  It seemed as if that would happen last year, but they were just kidding.  This year they decided it was time.  It must have been the 15th sellout of the year.  Based on what should be nothing but rejoicing for a team that has disappointed us so many times, I decided to check out the jsonline forum.  I should have known what to expect.

I will start off by saying that I was more opposed to this trade than anyone on Friday night.  I then did research on Saturday morning and turned around right quick.  Why wouldn't you make this trade since we gave up 2 pieces of crap, one good prospect in Laporta, and one possibly good prospect that will be named later.  Let's see what kind of idiots roam these internets.

"I'd rather win in 2008 than 2014.  Not sure about you guys?"

Wait a minute.  A post I agree with in the first 10 comments?  I like this guy.  This might not turn out to be a bad forum.

"Good move for the Brewers, but not enough for the Brew Crew to overcome the Cubs.  Good luck trying, though"

Just when I thought we were safe, a Cubs fan has to pop their stupid head in.  Idiots.

"Prince will have someone to hang out at the 'all you can eat' buffets now."

Okay.  We get it.  They are both big guys.  But, come one.  How many vegetarian or all skittles buffets do you know of?  Do some research.

"This is a great deal for the Brewers... hopefully they can keep him, but I doubt it... if they did keep him and Sheets it would be Sheets, Sabathia, Gallardo, Parra, and whogivesarip as a starting rotation... how awesome is that... Go Brew Crew!!!!"

Well, I'm not even going to comment on the ridiculousness of the punctuation of that sentence, but I will comment on the fact that this person has no concept of money.  Maybe they are from Canada and only deal in weasels.  I'm worried about just keeping Sheets (which probably won't happen).  how can you think we keep both?  They say they doubt it, but then go on to talk about it.  It must have been MikeHunt posting.

"Overall a good move, however they should think about signing either Sheets or Sabathia after the year."

I'm really glad this person posted this otherwise I don't think the Brewers were thinking about that.  Memo to Doug Melvin:  Look into signing one of these two stud pitchers after the year.

This one almost made me have a brain aneurysm, so I'm going to stop now...

TERRIBLE move!!! Small market teams should NEVER mortgage the future for a short term gain like this.  Best case scenario he gets the Brewers about 5 more wins this year than they would have had.  The 2 extra draft picks they'll get next year aren't spit - it's not like the NFL or basketball where you can rely on your high picks to pan out."

Yikes.  First off, I'm glad this commenter screamed TERRIBLE at us.  The small market teams comment is completely stupid.  In looking at small market teams, you can really only hope for short term gains unless you are the Packers in a league with a salary cap.  This is why you build a ridiculously good farm system.  You have to make moves like this.  This commenter ends by saying it's not like the NFL or basketball (which basketball are you talking about? CBA?  Euro Leagues?) where you can rely on your high picks to pan out.  Okay.  The NFL and this unnamed basketball league have far fewer rounds and much more high profile drafts.  How many teams count on their high picks to pan out?  All of them right?  How different is it in baseball?  Wouldn't you expect your first and second round picks to at least do something? I know baseball is a different beast, but come on.  If you can't count on your top pick to contribute something to the organization then why do we play the games and put all of this emphasis on scouting and crap like that.  You take a flyer on a guy in the late rounds.  You don't reach in the first round.  Definitely not in the first 15 or so picks.

Brewers fans are stupid.  My head hurts.  Is it too early to drink?  I didn't even make it half way thru the forum.

I'm Taking The Day Off.

From being Negative Nancy.

Like most of you (save, perhaps, those of who you have inside knowledge about the team), I had two thoughts when Buster Olney reported two weeks ago that the Brewers were the front-runners for Creedence Clearwater Sabathia (credit to T-Seben):

1. "Buster"? You're a grown man and people still call you "Buster"?

2. Horseshit.

My apologies to you, Robert Stanbury "Buster" Olney III. You nailed that one.

Godspeed to you, Matt LaPorta. I hope you're a 20-time All Star for Cleveland. But I don't care about that right now. Right know, alls I know is that the reigning Cy Young winner is coming to Milwaukee. To pitch for the Brewers.

How about that for a shot across the bow of H.M.S. Cubby Bear? Eat shit and die, Ryan Theriot.

A Fantastic Baseball Weekend...

Crew sweep the Pirates. Arghhhhh! Bring on the Rockies and the Reds.

Braun/Sheets are All-Stars, Corey Hart maybe but I doubt it.

JJ Hardy is filing his paperwork for the "IS A MAN" club. The application has been faxed to Rubie Q.

Crew is tied for the Wild Card lead.

And oh by the way, we just traded for the biggest fish (literally and figuratively speaking) on the trade market. The Brewers are going for it all with the C.C. trade. Not to worried about trading away prospects for a rental pitcher. LaPorta might end up being good, but who cares. Zach Jackson never amounted to anything. Rob Bryson, yeah never heard of him. And the dreaded "Player to Be Named" later. Rumors are it could be Taylor Green a stud 3B in Single A. I'm okay because we didn't have to trade away 2 of our best prospects. They can move Gamel to first to groom him to take over for Prince if they are worried about his 3B errors. They can keep Hart in RF, pick up the option on Cameron for CF next year (or put Gwynn Jr out there if he isn't traded to SD for Maddux), keep the Hall/Branyan platoon at 3B until they get a 3B prospect ready (i.e. Green), keep Escobar to be the SS of the future and move Hardy to 2B or even 3B. But all this posturing is in the future. For the Brewers the future is now and we've set ourselves up for an awesome 2nd half and a legit run at the playoffs (and some wins in the playoffs). Plus if CC and Sheets sign somewhere else we'll have 5 picks in the first round and Jack Z./Melvin can replenish the farm system and try and find that Braun/LaPorta type that can be to the bigs in a year and a half, not to mention draft a ton of pitchers.

Can't wait for the CC debut Tuesday, might still go the game Wednesday if Sheets is pitching. Looking forward to another Suppan outing Saturday. But as Devil's Threesome noted, Suppan is a second half pitcher (see past 2 years as examples). Hopefully that trend continues.

The Brewers need to take full advantage of the upcoming All-Star break to set-up the pitching staff for the important first 2 weeks of the 2nd half. Here's how I'd do it:

7th vs. Rockies - McClung
8th vs. Rockies - Sabathia
9th vs. Rockies - Sheets (push back Parra to keep Benny fully rested prior to All-Star game)
10th vs. Rockies - Parra
11th vs. Reds - Bush (pitching well right now, have McClung ready in the bullpen if needed over the weekend and then decide who to start and who to sent to the bullpen/AAA.
12th vs. Reds - Suppan
13th vs. Reds - Sabathia

18th at Giants - Sabathia (starting on regular rest from Sunday, give Sheets and extra day post All-Star game)
19th at Giants - Sheets (the lethal 1-2 punch starts the second half)
20th at Giants - Parra
21st at Cards - Suppan
22nd at Cards - McClung/Bush/Greg Maddux;-)
23rd at Cards - Sabathia
24th at Cards - Sheets
25th vs. Astros -Parra
26th vs. Astros - Suppan
27th vs. Astros - McClung/BBush/Greg Maddux;-)
28th vs. Cubs - Sabathia
29th vs. Cubs - Sheets
30th vs. Cubs - Parra
31st vs. Cubs - Suppan

This rotation gives us the best match-ups with the huge Cards/Cubs series. I can't wait. I'd love to be still the wild card leader on 8/1. If we were leading the division it'd be gravy.

Worst...Loss...Ever

Bill Mota must die a painful death.  He has absolutely no place on this team.  To contend, he must be cut.  fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

For Those of You Who Say My Bitching Does No Good...

Consider this:

Since I wrote this about two weeks ago:

"JJ Hardy has regressed to the mean.

Yeah, .251 / .324 / .370 with 5 homers seems about right, doesn't it? At least his defense is still top notch."

...JJ has doubled his homer total while raising his average almost thirty points. So, according to the Laws of Physics, because me bitching about JJ Hardy was followed by JJ Hardy playing better, me bitching about JJ Hardy was the direct cause of JJ Hardy playing better.

You're all welcome.

Also: for Christ's sake, Alice, move your fucking feet on the ball hit to your left! It's not that difficult of a play!

I Don't Think MikeHunt Understands Words.

This is a couple of days old, but everyone's favorite bad word for a bajingo had this to say about the likelihood of the Brewers trading for C.C. Sabathia:

The variables ... are too numerous right now.

I excised a terrible joke about the band Earth, Wind, and Fire that revealed MikeHunt to be an even bigger loser than anyone could have imagined. Trust me, you don't want to hear what he had to say. Put it this way: however lame you thought MikeHunt was, multiply it by eleventy-billion. Then you'll be in the ballpark.

Anyway, getting back to the point of this exercise. Clearly, you know where MikeHunt is going with this. He's not going to take a position on anything, as per usual. But explore with me MikeHunt's understanding of the word "variable," which Merriam-Webster defines as "able or apt to vary; subject to variation or changes":

The Cleveland Indians must remain out of contention, which is likely. They've also got to be motivated to move the reigning American League Cy Young winner, a given since the Indians can't afford to re-sign Sabathia.

If you're scoring at home, MikeHunt has just listed two things which aren't going to change under the heading of "variable."

The Brewers will have to be in contention by the unrestricted trading deadline at the end of the month, also probable. And then they will need the players to satisfy the Indians, a near-certainty should the Brewers wish to part with pieces of their future in exchange for the possibility of winning now.

Whoops, spoke too soon. That's now FOUR things that MikeHunt says aren't going to change that qualify as "variables."

Coming tomorrow: MikeHunt is asked, "Will there be life on earth tomorrow?"

Too many variables to say for certain, MikeHunt writes. The sun will have to come up, the oceans can't spontaneously evaporate, the ozone layer will need to stay in place, and a meteor can't smack into Africa, causing a massive amount of dust and ash and other crap to block out the sun, thereby stopping photosynthesis and destroying the food chain.

But he's not done yet!

So here's the only thing we currently know:

You mean besides the four "variables" that you just listed?

Christ on crutches.