Thursday, July 31, 2008
Bright Spot #1: King Ned's fate has been sealed. After his showing in this series, there is no conceivable way that His Majesty is back next season.
Bright Spot #2: At least we learned early that our team is full of pantywaists. Now we don't have to spend all August and September wondering if they're going to make a run.
Bright Spot #3: Plenty of fine seats will be available at the ballyard come September.
Yep, that's right: Ryan Braun is hitting fifth today. Brilliant: take him out of the spot where he's the most comfortable and has flourished this year. That should do the trick.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
When officers arrived at the scene they identified the man wearing a shirt that read "Sox Suck" as Shawn Abernathy, 39, of Oak Park. Police reportedly noticed Abernathy's pants unzipped, urine stains on the front of his pants, and brown stains on the back of his shorts.
The officer on the scene asked Abernathy if he had urinated, and he allegedly responded, "Yeah, I had to go." Excrement was also observed on the window of a building on Madison Street.
Abernathy was charged with criminal defacement and disorderly conduct.
2)Three Chicago area men are accused of beating up a suburban Milwaukee man who police say threw a beer at their bus after the Milwaukee Brewers' loss to the Chicago Cubs at Miller Park.
Officers arrested the three Cubs fans Tuesday night on possible charges of substantial battery. The men are 25, 26 and 34 years old.
Police say the three Chicago area men got off the bus after the 24-year-old West Allis man threw the beer. The Brewers fan was cited for disorderly conduct and taken to a local hospital. Authorities say he suffered cuts to his face and had a tooth knocked out.
The 34-year-old Chicago area man also received a municipal ticket for assault and battery after police say he punched his sister in the mouth as she tried to intervene in the fight.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Way to make the most of your time on the national stage, boys. I'm sure no one will count you out after the Cubs finish the sweep.
So, here's my pledge to you, fucknut:
I am going to hunt you.
And I mean this literally, Dick: you and I are going to recreate "The Most Dangerous Game" in the Menomonee Valley, and I'm going to be General Zaroff.
And, yes, Dick, I know that General Zaroff didn't succeed in hunting the other guy, but this isn't about killing you. No, this is just about keeping you away from the team for the rest of the year. King Ned isn't willing to take you out of the lineup, despite the fact that you are a sub-par -- if not downright terrible -- baseball player in every facet of the game. And Melvin won't cut you, even though we've got a much better option (Durham) sitting on the bench. So, Dick, I have to take matters into my own hands, and the only option left is hunting you with an antique elephant gun.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Yost supporter starts fire in apartment
Talk about Brewers fever.A Franklin man took his enthusiasm for the surging National Leaguers to a new -- albeit dangerous level.The 21-year-old, a resident of the 3300 block of West College Avenue, became upset Friday night about a newspaper article that was critical of Milwaukee Brewers manager Ned Yost.Disgusted, the man then set the article ablaze. Unfortunately, other newspapers in his apartment also caught fire, causing $500 damage to carpeting but no other destruction. Not only does he need some new carpeting, but the man also was arrested by Franklin police for negligent handling of burning materials, a municipal ordinance violation. After being booked at the police station, the man was released to the custody of his grandfather. There's no word on what newspaper the man was reading or what exactly got him hot under the collar.
Coincidentally, the 3300 block of College Avenue is 10 blocks from my house. I was wondering why there were a lot of sirens in the neighborhood Friday night after I got home from the Brewer game.
Based on today's barrage of activity at the Buffet it is safe to say that Buffet Management does not like the Cubs, their jerk off fans, their jerk off players, their jerk off manager, their jerk off stadium, or their jerk off city.
Game 1: Sabathia vs. Lilly
We beat lefties like a drum, and Lilly is prone to giving up huge innings. Additionally, CC is rolling, but we can't expect a complete game shutout every time. Basically, this game is a must win for the Brew Crew as the remaining pitching match-ups are difficult. If the Cubs win, we could be looking at a long series. Brewers win 5-2
Game 2: Sheets vs. Zambrano
Great pitching matchup, the question is who can convert on their opportunities. I can't stand Zambrano, but I respect him. I think he'll channel his rage for 8 solid innings along with an annoying RBI single that will have the Cubbies fans jumping around in their popped collars. Cubs win 3-1.
Game 3: Parra vs. Dempster
Toughest game to call in the series. Dempster is much worse on the road, but his off speed stuff could give the Brewers fits, particularly Braun. How will Parra react in the biggest start of his career? Of all the games, this one could turn into a high scoring affair. Prince gets a big hit late to propel the Crew. Brewers win 6-4.
Game 4: Harden vs. Bush
Ick. He's not getting the pub, but Harden's ERA is lower than CC's since the trades. Granted, he doesn't go deep into games. As for Bush, well, it's Bush. He can dominate in an April game against the Nationals, but he will wilt in this game. Cubs blow Bush's doors off and Harden maxes his pitch count after 5 2/3, but it doesn't matter. Cubs win 8-3.
1.The whole "loveable losers" bullshit -- You know who's a loveable loser? A four-year-old playing his first tee-ball game who steps up to the plate, with the visor of the helmet tipped down over his eyes, and takes a mighty cut, only to miss the ball, spin around, and end up on his toochus. That makes you say, "Aww, li'l buddy, you tried so hard. Good for you." You know who's not a loveable loser? A stumblebum (or, in the Cubs case, a group of stumblebums) being paid millions of dollars to suck ass.
2. Wrigley Field -- The place is such a fucking dump that vegetation has overrun the outfield walls. Plus, they serve Old Style; there's no place to tailgate; you have a 3/4 chance of having a big fucking pillar blocking your view of the game; and you're surrounded for three hours by insufferable queef-nuggets who came to be seen at the game, not to see the game. Good times.
3. The stunning lack of basic knowledge about baseball -- Having taken in a few games at Wrigley, and a few more at Miller Park when the FIBs flock north, I have come to the conclusion that most Cubs fans have never seen a game in person. This is the only way to explain the way they collectively blow their load every time Mark DeRosa hits a fly ball to shallow center field. "Ohhh!! That's got a chance! Go, baby, go!" No, cocksnorter, that's a routine fly ball.
But it's more than that. They either (a) don't know enough about or (b) are too wrongheadedly stubborn to admit the weaknesses on their team. Anyone with half a brain can tell you that Alfonso Soriano belongs in the lead-off spot as much as Rickie Weeks does. Or that Fuck-u-do-me is a slap singles hitter masquerading as a masher. Or that Theriot is gawd-fucking-awful. Or that your farm system is a joke when you can't find someone to play centerfield and have to turn to the Corpse of Jim Edmonds to man the post.
That said, when you have this guy as your "color analyst" ...
4. Ron Santo -- ... you can't really be faulted for not knowing the first fucking thing about baseball.
Look, I know. He's got diabetes. He loses limbs like the Black Knight in Monty Python & The Holy Grail. He wasn't hired to provide hard-hitting insight. Fine, I get it. I do. But this man is a fucking abomination. Muttering "oh, jeez, oh, jeez" over and over again, and then screaming in delight when the Cubs do something good -- it's just embarrassing. Why not get a trained chimp to clap cymbals together whenever the Cubs score a run?
Anyway, my favorite Santo story (one that I'm sure I've told before): Cubs are playing the Astros a couple of years back. Cubs are up one late in the game, but Houston is threatening to score. If memory serves, there were men on second and third with one out. The Cubs bring the infield in. Biggio strikes out. And Santo drops this line:
"Well, now the infielders can move back to set up the double play."
I was driving when he said this, and I nearly drove into a bridge abutment. Never mind that there were two outs. There were runners on second and third. I mean, holy fuck.
5. Chicago -- nice city and all, but there's a serious inferiority complex going on down there. Ironically, Chicagoans love to jab at Milwaukee for being less of a city than Chicago. No debate there, but we're not trying to compete with you. We're quite content being Milwaukee, a decent-sized city that, in many respects, is like a big town. Chicago, though, always seems bothered that it's not on the same level as New York or LA.
You're still a pretty swell town, guys. It's just that your North-side baseball team, and all of its fans, are a spectacularly marvelous collection of assholes.
That'll get ya fired up, and he's not coming till 09! I like it.
In typical Cubs fan fashion this weeks power rankings list the Cubs at 4 and the Brew Crew at 5.
4. Cubs (3): You can argue that this is no longer a top-five team, given the 11-11 record in July, but the Cubs’ plus-110 run differential is still the best in the majors. It suggests that they will be able to hold their own in the upcoming four-game series in Milwaukee. It may seem that the Brewers have captured the NL Central mojo, but we don’t remember anyone offering $1.3 billion when Bud Selig’s team was for sale.
FPMKE: So, what you're saying is that a .500 record over the last 22 games is acceptable because no one has been able to catch up with the run production of the 105 games that the Cubs have played. Apples and oranges? Wait, this guy took it a step further and compared a fruit salad to some deep fried cheese curds with his $1.3 billion comment. What a cock-smoke!
5. Brewers (8): Is there time for CC Sabathia to win the NL Cy Young? It’s a good debate. The feeling here is why not? Brandon Webb is really the only NL stalwart having a vintage season. If he finishes poorly, Sabathia could be in the picture. He’s 4-0 in four starts, the last three of which have been complete games, and should make 12-14 more starts before season’s end. If he finishes 14-2, maybe even 13-3, he could make it tough to vote for Edinson Volquez or Tim Lincecum.
FPMKE: So what you're saying is that you've noticed C(larence) C(arter) Strokin' lately and that he is solely responsible for the Brewers catching up to the Cubs in time for the big series. You didn't notice Ryan Braun hitting dingers or that Billy Brew has been given back sole possession of his job at 3rd base not because of consistency but because of clutch hitting?
Should be a good series gentlemen, let's play ball and settle it on the field.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thank God I've got the Brewers to distract me.
For the past week, with the Brewers riding roughshod over the Giants and St. Louis LaRussas, I've had nothing to contribute. I thought that was going to change last night. I thought I was going to have to write my first post ripping Corey Hart. I don't know if you've noticed this, but Corey seems to have three gears: he either plays really well, or just OK (maybe 0-3 with a run scored, something like that), or really, really, otherworldly, unfathomably, stomach-turningly bad. He doesn't do the last one all that often, but when he does -- Lawdy. Oh-for-five, grounds into two double plays (and should've been three, if the turn at second base would've been better) to snuff out two potential rallies, makes an inexcusable error with two down, allowing the go-ahead run to score. He did the same thing against the Twins earlier this year, leaving a steaming pile of excrement all over the field.
Anyway, I don't have to write about that, because Ryan Braun did what a MAN does when a MAN's team is cornered -- lashed out like a starved wolverine and clawed Ryan Franklin's eyes out. In fact, Braun's homer led to the first-ever Emergency Conference of the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club's Naming Committee, convened to debate whether the name of the Club should actually be the "Ryan J. Braun I Am A MAN" Club.
So, long story short, I'll continue to sit quietly and enjoy my time off. Thanks, Brauny.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Home/Road Platoon?? I love this idea. MC Lung and Bushy's numbers tell the story here, hopefully that bears out the rest of the year. Everyone's fifth starter is crap and we have the opportunity to limit the crappiness with this move. It also provides some flexibility with the long reliever situation and frees up Villanueva. Anyone else notice that he's pitching later in games now? Much better option than the human gas can or Frenchie. Speaking of...
Stay of Execution Congrats to Bill Mota and Eric Gagne for receiving an 11th hour stay of execution last night. We know the night will come, it's only a question of when.
Rick Weeks - I'm Stumped Dude hits a 3 run run bomb and gets a clutch single in the top of the 11th. Also nearly chokes away the game for us in the field. How will he react to Durham being in the clubhouse? Ray-Ray says he wants to be a mentor, which I believe, how will The Rick react?
Bill Hall - The Wildcard I said this at some point, probably after several High Lifes, but if Billy gets hot in the second half and gives us 2 1/2 months of good ball, we're in the playoffs. I'm ready to pull the plug on the platoon and start Billy every day.
Monday, July 21, 2008
"I wouldn't say he has underachieved," said Yost. "He has never been a .300 hitter (in the majors), so who says he is underachieving?
"He's working his way up. He's getting better in all phases of his game. For me, he has never underachieved because he never achieved up here. How can you say he has underachieved?"
Oh, King Ned: in your never-ending, misguided quest to defend your players at all costs, you've given Rickie Weeks one of the most glorious backhanded compliments I've ever seen. You can't say he's underachieving because he's always sucked dick. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I've been receiving a number of comments about how nasty and ragged my retro-style Brewers cap has become. I need help from the Buffet to determine when is the appropriate time to retire a cap.
The picture includes my favorite Brewers cap as well as two hats I have tried out over the last year. To quote Garth Algar, the new caps were constrictive. Plus I look ridiculous in the pinwheel style cap.
Is it time for me to give in and wear in a new cap?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
"I like my teammates," Favre said.
I know the names of three of them: Driver (that one's easy to remember), Hawk (ditto), and Baji Bamilli (that's a tough one, but I powered through it).
"I had a lot of fun with them.
I am kind of drunk, tired, and need to work in the morning. Can't you just end the All Star game already?
I mean, I know you have some pull and every little bit would help at this point. Corey Hart looks terrible; he needs a beer and a nap. Are you trying to satisfy the West Coast Japs or what?
Please Bud, please.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Let me make clear, at the beginning, that I'm only speaking for myself here -- not for anyone at the Buffet or Mrs. Q or my mother. Others will have different opinions, and those opinions are valid. But I'm at my wits end with this hick.
Every time Brett Favre opens his mouth now, I hear the same thing, over and over and over: "Me. Me. Me me me. Meeeeeeeeeeee." Alright, Brett. You want to talk about you? Let's have at it.
You are a 14-year-old girl.
You say you don't feel "wanted" in Green Bay anymore. You say that you were "pressured" into deciding whether to retire. You say that, when you retired, you knew it was "possible" that the Packers would move on...
(I'm sorry, I can't let that last one go without a comment. Of course it was fucking "possible" that the organization would move on when its starting fucking quarterback retired. What the fuck did you expect them to do? Sit quietly, maybe write you some letters telling you how much they missed you, pine for you during training camp, and then, when the season started and they realized, "Holy shit, Brett isn't coming back!", throw a wide receiver out there to take the snaps? My God. How full of yourself do you have to be to say that you thought it "possible" that the team would go in a different direction after you quit playing?)
Here's what I know about you, Brett. Your play, in the last few seasons (save for last season, of course), was borderline terrible. You were an average quarterback, at best, but because you're Brett Favre, nobody talked about it. No, we heard about you needing "more weapons." Give Brett more weapons, and he'll get it done, we were told. Nobody mentioned the fact that you hadn't carried this team for a few years; that Ahman Green was doing the heavy lifting, carrying the ball so often that, eventually, a tendon in his leg ended up snapping like a rubber band; that the offensive line was probably the best in football for a good three years; and that, when the line lost a couple of pieces, and when Ahman went down, you didn't do -- you couldn't do -- jack shit to save the season. Instead, you winged nearly 30 interceptions, shrugged, and said: "We did the best we could, be we just don't have the horses."
I also know that you're one of the most uncoachable players in the league. Holmgren essentially had to put a shock collar on you to get you to throw a ball out of bounds when the play broke down and no one was open. You're the primary reason Ray Rhodes only lasted a year in Green Bay. And Sherman is maligned for having good teams that never reached their potential, when you kept those teams from doing all they could because of your wildly inconsistent and reckless play. McCarthy actually had the stones to stand up to you, to make you follow a game plan, and look what happened -- we won big. And what does he get for his efforts? He gets branded (along with Thompson) as the guy who ran Brett out of town when Brett still wanted to play. In the ultimate irony, he gets called selfish for moving on with Aaron Rodgers when you quit and then said you wanted to come back.
And here's the last thing I know about you, Brett: you're not worth it. As much as you want to believe Brett Favre is the Green Bay Packers, and as much as we've been told that Brett Favre is the Green Bay Packers, it's just not true. This team existed long before you and will exist long after you. Thank God that Ted Thompson has the foresight to plan for that. Unfortunately, just like McCarthy, he gets called selfish for doing so. But here's the thing -- those same people who are clamoring for your return are the same people who will taking to the streets with pitchforks and torches if Thompson mortgages the future for you and the team goes 7-9 in the first year after you actually retire.
The only point where I have any sympathy for you is here: you are clearly a depressed man. God willing, you'll live for another forty years. And you've got nothing at all to do. That must be a sobering realization.
Where I don't have sympathy for you is here: you are clearly a deluded man. Somewhere along the line, you came to believe that you're bigger than the game, more important than anyone else on the team -- that you're owed something. None of us is owed anything, Brett. And, more importantly, bitching and complaining about how you're owed something will never convince anyone that you're right.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Last week's rankings in parentheses
1. Cubs (4): Rich Harden, wasted no time showing why the Cubs added him. Along with Carlos Zambrano, he gives Lou Piniella the 1-2 combination he wants for October. The challenge, of course, is keeping Harden healthy.
11. Brewers (8): CC Sabathia has generated excitement, but the Brewers still need arms, especially in the bullpen. They are talking to San Francisco about Jack Taschner, a Milwaukee native. Kansas City’s Ron Mahay seems another likely target.
Read the rest here:
It is important to note that the Phil Rogers is an employee of the Tribune Co. The Tribune Co. owns the Cubs and therefore, Phil Rogers is obligated to be a douchebag. I also think he might be married to Mike Hunt's sister.
In other news, I got into a point, counterpoint, fuck you fight with one of the posters.
The Brewers at 11?! You're smoking crack! The Cubs are overrated and destined to choke like they do every year. Milwaukee will be laughing when they win the division and St. Louis takes the wild card.
Posted by: Bobbo Jul 14, 2008 7:50:37 AM
Bobbo and Adolph,
"The Cubs are overrated and destined to choke like they do every year. Milwaukee will be laughing when they win the division and St. Louis takes the wild card."
You obviously didn't watch baseball last year! I believe the Cubs came back from like 7 games down to take the division........you call that a choke? yeah the Cubs are overrated.....they share the best record in baseball but they are overrated? haha.....I think we all take your comments seriously!
I would have loved to play the Twins, Tigers and Red Sox.....because when we played the Pirates I believe the twins and tigers were some 10-12 games below .500........it would have been like playing the Pirates! As for the Red Sox....St Louis took 2 of 3 in Boston so I think we could handle the them.........
Posted by: AOBKING Jul 14, 2008 9:54:07 AM
Actually, I did watch baseball last year and it was sad to see the Brewers lose steam in the final weeks. But it was just pathetic to see the Cubs get swept out of the playoffs.
The Brewers have the best record in baseball since May 20 and are gaining ground on the Cubs. The addition of Sabathia only strengthens their rotation. The guy pitched 9 innings yesterday for the win and crushed a home run.
Wood is on the DL, Harden spent a month on the DL, Zambrano was on the DL, and Soriano has some major agility issues. The guy needs to learn a life lesson from Ken Griffey Jr and figure out that stretching before games helps.
Nice pick up on Harden... I thought you guys let Prior walk last year but it was nice to see the second coming of your Messiah.
I recognize that the Brewers have never won a World Series but I'll crack a Highlife to 100 years of Cubs futility any day of the week.
Posted by: Bobbo Jul 14, 2008 1:24:43 PM
Applications are coming in faster than we can consider them, but, thus far, we have approved the following members for the current fiscal year:
Your suggestions are always welcome, although I may never read them. But the fact that you took the time to send them in says something.
FROM: Rubie Q, Chairman, Membership Committee
RE: Pending Applications
As you know, the Membership Committee recently received two applications for membership in this prestigious organization. I will summarize these applications immediately below:
Jason Daniel Kendall, Catcher -- Application received approximately one week ago. Perhaps not coincidentally, Mr. Kendall immediately went 0-20 in his next five games to cool his average to .258. But nobody cares about what he does with the bat in his hands anyway. No, Mr. Kendall's application was based on the work he does behind the plate. Indeed, the fact that he actually does some work behind the plate made him an immediate upgrade over the last slug who played catcher. His application is also based on the fact that his skeleton is made of adamantium, a la Wolverine. Seems that when he hideously shattered his ankle some years back (I would post a picture, but I googled the image and actually threw up on my keyboard when I saw it), he had the Pirates team docs outfit him with a metal that actually doesn't exist.
Membership Committee's recommendation: Approve.
Carsten Charles Sabathia, Starting Pitcher / Defensive Tackle -- Application received yesterday (July 13, 2008). Hasn't had his usual outstanding stuff yet, but has still posted a 2-0 record with a sub-3.00 ERA. Caused an outbreak of erections around the state when he fanned the last three hitters he faced in yesterday's game. In the ninth inning. After throwing 120 pitches. Rumor is that he placed a call on the bullpen phone in the seventh inning: "Hey, Castro, it's CC. Tell those fucksticks they're not blowing my game. Have a hot dog and enjoy the show." And, just for good measure, hit a ball 450 feet in the third inning.
Membership Committee's recommendation: Approve.
As always, your prompt response is appreciated.
With warm regards,
Sunday, July 13, 2008
This was such a huge win because the Brewers were staring down the barrel of a sweep at the hands of the Reds, who have no business sweeping anyone. What a shitty way to go into the all-star break that would've been. But you give the ball to a bonafide ace like Sabathia and let him do his thing. That's why it's sooo sweet to have him. Had the Crew given the ball to Jeff Suppan today God knows what could've happened. Nothing against Suppan but he is nowhere near this caliber a player. I am so impressed with the performance from CC today, and he is one of the big reason that I still have faith that this Brewers team will be a team to be reckoned with for the rest of this season.
Friday, July 11, 2008
DickSex was traded for Chris Capuano, Chad Moeller (ha), Junior Spivey, Craig Counsell, Lyle Overbay, and George of the Rose...who started yesterday for the Rockies.
Cappy is back in Arizona, but not by choice. If there is any justice in this world, Moeller is ranching sheep somewhere and eating pudding with other gay cowboys. Spivey was dealt to the Nats for Tomo Ohka (wow). Craigers is still here hunting Whitefish poon. George of the Rose became Tony Graffanino. And Overbay was dealt to Toronto for Zach Jackson, Gabe Gross, and Dave Bush...who started yesterday for the Brewers. Wild.
Gross was traded to Tampa for a piece of pizza that sat on the kitchen counter for a day. Zach Jackson was dealt (as an afterthought) for the Creedence.
So, in the end, we got C.C. for DickSex. Not a bad trade.
"Cheering students appear on the cover of the new application form for undergraduate admissions to the University of Wisconsin-Madison. In an effort to show diversity, school officials added the face of a black student (far left, center of photo) to a file photo of students cheering during a 1993 football game. (University of Wisconsin-Madison / September 19, 2000)"
Nice work guys, you made all of Wisconsin very proud.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I like having McClung in the bullpen he can come in and throw some heat.
"[Mota's] struggling," Yost said. "There's no way around it. It seems he gets two outs and the bottom falls out, and that's what happened again.
"His stuff is so good, it is a bit mystifying."
What am I supposed to do? Agree? Anybody who watched Mota pitch last night knows his "stuff" was crap. He was throwing 90 mph fastballs (and if they were sliders, they weren't moving at all) right down the middle of the plate. He was throwing batting practice.
Serenity now ... serenity now ... serenity now...
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Of all the sports, the one I know the best is baseball. And I think one of the reasons I love baseball so much is because I really like trying to think along with a manager during the course of a game. So while the average fan, will be the first to jump all over a skipper as soon as the move he makes, or doesn't make, backfires, and the super knowledgeable fan is screaming for the move that he or she thinks should be made and can't comprehend why the idiot running things doesn't see it too; I prefer to watch and try and figure out why. Why does a manager decide go get a pitcher when he does? Why does he not pinch hit or bunt in a certain situation? A lot of people would tell you it's because he's clearly an idiot and knows nothing about baseball. But I think there's always a reason for every move. So, I watch it and try to think what he's thinking and that's one of the things that I so enjoy about the game. This isn't to say that I'm smarter or a better fan than anyone else, it's just the way I am. (It's also one of the things that makes the NL brand of baseball a far superior product, but that's for another rant.)
This leads us to last night, in the 7th inning, bases loaded, and the Brewers leading 5-3. Bill Hall comes up against a right-handed reliever. The entire crowd is yelling for Russell Branyan (including a Badger friend of mine 2 rows behind me). But Yost stays with Bill Hall who delivers a 2-run single to left (after stunning everyone by letting 2 consecutive sliders away go by). So, the question is, why? Why stay with Hall there when Branyan was the "obvious choice". I said to my Badger friend that maybe it's because Bill Hall is a better defender (which he is) and the Brewers already had a 2-run lead.
But I also thought, maybe they really want Hall to get going and were willing to gamble a couple extra insurance runs for the chance to let Billy get a big hit that might help him right the ship and start hitting the way the team hoped he would at the start of the season. I definitely think there's something to that. I'd be willing to bet that if you asked any person in Brewer management or on the coaching staff off the record what they'd like to happen with the 3rd base spot for the rest of this season, they'd tell you that they would really like to see Bill Hall get going and hold that spot down for the duration. That's probably some big time wishful thinking, but I can't say I'd disagree with that. If we're all being completely honest here, you have to agree that the Russell Branyan magical, mystery tour that he's been on since coming up is NOT going to last all season. Hot as he might be he's still Russell Branyan, and when he cools down there's going to be a decision to make. Maybe this stretch of consistent ABs against leftys is just what the doctor ordered for Hall and the Brewers? Maybe I'm just over-reacting to one good AB by a guy that'll never be anything more than a good hitter against leftys and an atrocious hitter against rightys? Maybe I've just written a long ass blog, with zero humor in it, that no one will actually read? Hope so, hope not, and definitely.
(1) He's big. Like, defensive end big. Prince, conversely, is just fat.
(2) He can throw some serious cheese. He was still hitting 97 in the sixth. I mean, Sheets can hump it up there pretty good, but CC's fastball was on another level.
(3) The curve/slider (I'm not sure which he throws) has plenty of movement -- in fact, too much movement last night. He couldn't throw it for a strike -- save for two pitches to Holliday -- and the Colorado hitters just started laying off when they got into a two-strike count. That looked like nerves to me.
(4) Manny Parra should be taking copious amounts of notes every time CC pitches.
(5) We need to update "Spahn and Sain and pray for rain." I'm struggling. Sabathia doesn't rhyme with anything, so you have to use CC. "CC and Sheets and eat your beets"? "Sheets and CC, and Bush is a pussy"? Help me out.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Craig Counsell -- Wait a minute, you're saying to yourself. Didn't I watch this elf play for the Marlins when I was in middle school? You sure did, CC. And Craigers is still bringing the thunder today. He also knows all the really good spots to pick up high school chicks in Whitefish Bay...or, as some call it, White Folks Bay! Do you get it, CC? Do you get the joke? Because there are a lot of white people living in Whitefish Bay, so we took the "fish" out and put "folks" in instead! Yeah, we bring the funny here.
Bill Hall -- Ahh, the proverbial turd in the punch bowl. You won't be able to miss Billy (he acts like a four-year-old, he gets a four-year-old's nickname) on the field -- he's the one with the swing that's so long that it looks like he's swinging a broom. Also, Billy's not the guy you want to go to if you've got an itch to do some Sodoku or any else that requires a functioning brain. Dude can't figure out why he's in a platoon when he's hitting .150 against righties.
Jeff Suppan -- As you might have heard, you're taking his spot in the rotation for the next couple weeks. He allegedly hurt his elbow swinging a bat about a month ago, but claims that it doesn't hurt when he pitches, but he's going on the DL anyway, so...yeah... You know how the NBA did away with the "injured" list a couple years ago, since teams were having to come up with bogus injuries like "sprained cornea" to explain why a guy didn't dress for the game? And then they said, "Aww, to hell with it, let's end the fucking charade and just call it the 'inactive' list"? Jeff Suppan is on the 'inactive' list right now.
Ryan Braun -- Remember Corey Hart's bitchin' tattoo? The one with the skull that was on fire and was doing a bunch of ridiculous, awesome shit? Check out Braun -- he's got the other half of that tattoo, the one that shows all the ridiculous, awesome shit that the skull's body is doing. If I remember right, the skull's body (which is also on fire) is slaying an army of ninjas while flying an F-16 which is dropping bombs on the Communists. Oh, and the skull body is also banging this hot chick with big boobs. All in front of a huge American flag. And, once again, above it all is the word: "MAN."
Jason Kendall -- I'm not going to say anything silly about this guy. I just want to tell you this, Carston Charles: whatever pitch he tells you to throw, throw it. Such is my faith in Jason Kendall. I would like to submit the following three non sequiturs to demonstrate said faith:
(1) Kendall's application for membership in the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" club is receiving serious consideration in the executive committee as we speak.
(2) When I say, "I would go to war with Jason Kendall," I am not using a metaphor. I literally mean what I say. I would clone Jason Kendall, take 10,000 of him to Afghanistan and Iraq, and the War on Terr-ah would be done in three days.
(3) The best way to describe Jason Kendall is to quote Ivan Drago when he was fighting Rocky in Russia: "He is like piece of iron." He's on pace for, what, 140 games? As a catcher? Fucking ridiculous.
Dave Bush -- He'll be the guy who spends four hours lifting weights, then another hour on the treadmill, then another two-and-a-half configuring his facial hair, only to realize that he has to start that night. And then, just when you've just spent the previous hour telling your friends how completely fucking worthless Dave Bush is, he'll promptly go out and toss three-hit ball for eight innings. Fucking asshole.
Still to come -- Sheeter and Gabey and Cammy, oh my!
Anyway, as a public service to Creedence Clearwater, I'd like to submit this brief Fan's Guide on some of his new teammates. Here's Part I:
Rickie Weeks -- You might be confused when you see a guy with an OBP of .310 leading off for your new team. Don't feel bad; none of us understand it either. Your new manager (he'll be the guy that arrives via the short bus every day) says it's because Weeks is a "run scorer." Apparently, your new manager believes that when Weeks actually gets on base, he emits some kind of pheromone that makes your other teammates drive Rickie in. (He's kind of like that kid Leech in X-Men 3, except he gives people superpowers instead of taking them away.) But that's not Rickie's only mutant superpower -- also, his farts have many of the same properties as helium. Your new manager hasn't quite figured out what to do with that one yet.
Prince Fielder -- He's your biggest competition (literally and figuratively) for the team's Best Tits award. Also, everyone on the team has agreed to keep an eye on Prince right before the game starts to make sure he doesn't have a Roll-O in his mouth when he takes the field. Your help with this would be appreciated.
JJ Hardy -- He'll be the one with a new, male "cousin" hanging out at his locker after every game. Just go with it. It's kind of a Milwaukee thing; we've got a blantatly gay United States Senator, too, and nobody says anything about it (at least not publicly).
Corey Hart -- You'll recognize him by the tattoo on his back -- it's a skull that's on fire biting a scorpion in half and shooting laser beams from its eyes to destroy the Death Star and drinking twelve beers at once, all with a big American flag in the background. And above it, in big block letters, it simply says: "MAN."
Eric Gagne, Bill Mota, and David Riske -- You probably haven't seen a clubhouse that's quarantined before. Well, by necessity, ours is. You'll see three guys sitting behind a plastic partition, breathing filtered air. That's Gagne and Mota and Riske. Unfortunately, they caught a highly contagious form of Suck that we're trying to stop from spreading to the rest of the 'pen. Stay as far away from them as possible.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Like most of you (save, perhaps, those of who you have inside knowledge about the team), I had two thoughts when Buster Olney reported two weeks ago that the Brewers were the front-runners for Creedence Clearwater Sabathia (credit to T-Seben):
1. "Buster"? You're a grown man and people still call you "Buster"?
My apologies to you, Robert Stanbury "Buster" Olney III. You nailed that one.
Godspeed to you, Matt LaPorta. I hope you're a 20-time All Star for Cleveland. But I don't care about that right now. Right know, alls I know is that the reigning Cy Young winner is coming to Milwaukee. To pitch for the Brewers.
How about that for a shot across the bow of H.M.S. Cubby Bear? Eat shit and die, Ryan Theriot.
Braun/Sheets are All-Stars, Corey Hart maybe but I doubt it.
JJ Hardy is filing his paperwork for the "IS A MAN" club. The application has been faxed to Rubie Q.
Crew is tied for the Wild Card lead.
And oh by the way, we just traded for the biggest fish (literally and figuratively speaking) on the trade market. The Brewers are going for it all with the C.C. trade. Not to worried about trading away prospects for a rental pitcher. LaPorta might end up being good, but who cares. Zach Jackson never amounted to anything. Rob Bryson, yeah never heard of him. And the dreaded "Player to Be Named" later. Rumors are it could be Taylor Green a stud 3B in Single A. I'm okay because we didn't have to trade away 2 of our best prospects. They can move Gamel to first to groom him to take over for Prince if they are worried about his 3B errors. They can keep Hart in RF, pick up the option on Cameron for CF next year (or put Gwynn Jr out there if he isn't traded to SD for Maddux), keep the Hall/Branyan platoon at 3B until they get a 3B prospect ready (i.e. Green), keep Escobar to be the SS of the future and move Hardy to 2B or even 3B. But all this posturing is in the future. For the Brewers the future is now and we've set ourselves up for an awesome 2nd half and a legit run at the playoffs (and some wins in the playoffs). Plus if CC and Sheets sign somewhere else we'll have 5 picks in the first round and Jack Z./Melvin can replenish the farm system and try and find that Braun/LaPorta type that can be to the bigs in a year and a half, not to mention draft a ton of pitchers.
Can't wait for the CC debut Tuesday, might still go the game Wednesday if Sheets is pitching. Looking forward to another Suppan outing Saturday. But as Devil's Threesome noted, Suppan is a second half pitcher (see past 2 years as examples). Hopefully that trend continues.
The Brewers need to take full advantage of the upcoming All-Star break to set-up the pitching staff for the important first 2 weeks of the 2nd half. Here's how I'd do it:
7th vs. Rockies - McClung
8th vs. Rockies - Sabathia
9th vs. Rockies - Sheets (push back Parra to keep Benny fully rested prior to All-Star game)
10th vs. Rockies - Parra
11th vs. Reds - Bush (pitching well right now, have McClung ready in the bullpen if needed over the weekend and then decide who to start and who to sent to the bullpen/AAA.
12th vs. Reds - Suppan
13th vs. Reds - Sabathia
18th at Giants - Sabathia (starting on regular rest from Sunday, give Sheets and extra day post All-Star game)
19th at Giants - Sheets (the lethal 1-2 punch starts the second half)
20th at Giants - Parra
21st at Cards - Suppan
22nd at Cards - McClung/Bush/Greg Maddux;-)
23rd at Cards - Sabathia
24th at Cards - Sheets
25th vs. Astros -Parra
26th vs. Astros - Suppan
27th vs. Astros - McClung/BBush/Greg Maddux;-)
28th vs. Cubs - Sabathia
29th vs. Cubs - Sheets
30th vs. Cubs - Parra
31st vs. Cubs - Suppan
This rotation gives us the best match-ups with the huge Cards/Cubs series. I can't wait. I'd love to be still the wild card leader on 8/1. If we were leading the division it'd be gravy.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Since I wrote this about two weeks ago:
"JJ Hardy has regressed to the mean.
Yeah, .251 / .324 / .370 with 5 homers seems about right, doesn't it? At least his defense is still top notch."
...JJ has doubled his homer total while raising his average almost thirty points. So, according to the Laws of Physics, because me bitching about JJ Hardy was followed by JJ Hardy playing better, me bitching about JJ Hardy was the direct cause of JJ Hardy playing better.
You're all welcome.
Also: for Christ's sake, Alice, move your fucking feet on the ball hit to your left! It's not that difficult of a play!
The variables ... are too numerous right now.
I excised a terrible joke about the band Earth, Wind, and Fire that revealed MikeHunt to be an even bigger loser than anyone could have imagined. Trust me, you don't want to hear what he had to say. Put it this way: however lame you thought MikeHunt was, multiply it by eleventy-billion. Then you'll be in the ballpark.
Anyway, getting back to the point of this exercise. Clearly, you know where MikeHunt is going with this. He's not going to take a position on anything, as per usual. But explore with me MikeHunt's understanding of the word "variable," which Merriam-Webster defines as "able or apt to vary; subject to variation or changes":
The Cleveland Indians must remain out of contention, which is likely. They've also got to be motivated to move the reigning American League Cy Young winner, a given since the Indians can't afford to re-sign Sabathia.
If you're scoring at home, MikeHunt has just listed two things which aren't going to change under the heading of "variable."
The Brewers will have to be in contention by the unrestricted trading deadline at the end of the month, also probable. And then they will need the players to satisfy the Indians, a near-certainty should the Brewers wish to part with pieces of their future in exchange for the possibility of winning now.
Whoops, spoke too soon. That's now FOUR things that MikeHunt says aren't going to change that qualify as "variables."
Coming tomorrow: MikeHunt is asked, "Will there be life on earth tomorrow?"
Too many variables to say for certain, MikeHunt writes. The sun will have to come up, the oceans can't spontaneously evaporate, the ozone layer will need to stay in place, and a meteor can't smack into Africa, causing a massive amount of dust and ash and other crap to block out the sun, thereby stopping photosynthesis and destroying the food chain.
But he's not done yet!
So here's the only thing we currently know:
You mean besides the four "variables" that you just listed?
Christ on crutches.