Friday, August 29, 2008

Representing



It's been a while since I posted a pic. Here's a nice shot of D. Wade bringing home the Gold. Call me nostalgic but I think the shirt should have been Blue.

If it wasn't for that whole Star Jones thing (I think I jut threw up in my mouth again), I would suggest that he be inducted into the Corey Hart "I am a Man" Club.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

'I'm Swell, Occifer, How Are You?'


About last night:

(1) Tony LaRussa is a Grade-A fuckstick: If what the Cardinals do is considered 'playing the game the right way,' then I'm more happy than ever to be a Brewers fan. Yeah, Defendant LaRussa, I'm sure that ball just got away from Wainwright when he drilled Braun in the ribs -- the guy who just happens to be recovering from a ribcage/lower back injury. Funny how those things happen like that.

Also: you're a fucking queefnugget. You deserve every bit of misfortune that befalls you. Tony LaRussa should die of ghonnorea and rot in hell.

(2) The Cardinals are done: I don't know if the Brewers are going to make the playoffs, but I know for sure that the Cardinals aren't. So you say Chuck New Town lit a fire under your asses, Prince Albert? Interesting. You know what kind of teams don't need a fire lit under their asses? Good ones. Ones that are going to make the playoffs because they have good pitching and good hitting and play good defense, not because of some inane shit like 'we're a sleeping giant.' The fact that you referred to your team as 'sleeping' tells us all we need to know. Enjoy getting swept by the Cubs.

(3) The bullpen is going to make the last month interesting: Let's see. Riske can't be trusted. Mota, despite what Tom Haudricourt would have you believe, certainly can't be trusted. Gagne is a crapshoot every time he takes the mound. Shouse and Jesse Orosco just threw a joint 68th birthday party. And Torres has cooled off, as we knew he would.

Whoa, fuck.

And, perhaps most importantly:

(4) Happy Golden Birthday, FPMKE: Hope you get that golden shower you've been wanting.

Pissed Away a Golden Opportunity...

Ok, I understand that last night was gravy and that all we hoped for heading into this series was a split and that's what we got. But we really pissed away a golden opportunity. Just like when the Cubs came to Miller Park and did what they had to do to bury the Brewers in the Division race, we had that same chance to bury the Cardinals in the Wild Card race and we failed. 5 1/2 games is a lot more than 3 1/2. Not to mention Carlos' little show of emotion is exactly the kind of fuel the Cards need to try and catch us. I'm glad we don't play these guys again. Reminds me of last year with the Cards, everything is going well and we beam Pujols and light a fire under their asses. This year we piss off Pujols by celebrating the fact that you got lucky and got out of a bases loaded jam with no one scoring. I hope I'm wrong, but I don't' have a good feeling about what took place last night. I'll feel a lot better if we win the first 2 in Pitt and have CC on the bump Sunday.

PS-Parra pitched awesome last night and deserved the W.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Congrats to FSN on the New Set

WHAT THE FUCK??? This new set for the postgame looks like they got it from the movie Tron. Grayson and Cirillo look like they are floating. If they big red stripe on the "desk" starts talking like Hal, I'm jumping out the window.

Just What the Doctor Ordered

Huge, easy win!! We needed a laugher and it couldn't have come against a better team. Now - let's step on their throat tomorrow night and bump this lead up to 5.5 games. That's a huge lead to overcome, especially since STL has 6 games remaining against the Cubs.

A note to FSN Wisconsin

Dear FSN Wisconsin,

Long time viewer, first time emailer.  I'm really glad that we have a network that carries a lot of Brewers games and gives us the kind of coverage that you do.  It might not always be the best and most insightful, but at least it's something.

I do have one little complaint that I would like to share with you tonight.  A televised baseball game looks much better when ALL THE CAMERAS ARE IN FOCUS.  I'm sorry for yelling, but come on.  I can count at least 3  cameras that have been out of focus all night.  The cameras in the dugout pits and at least one other are in rough shape.  Check the back focus, get your engineer on it, something.  You are a network that has the resources.

Very busch league FSN.

Sheets' Va Jay Jay

Thanks again Ted Thompson!

Once again, Ted Thompson the genius, proves that......well.......he is not so much of a genius. His 1st round "steal" of Justin Harrell in the 2007 NFL draft was just put on the pup list meaning he cannot suit up for game play until week 7. Many wondered why Ted decided to reach for an injured DT, when a) he was injured and played like 10 snaps that season b)the team already was deep in the position meaning if Justin even was healthy, he probably wouldn't see the field and c)the team had other areas of need ie. the secondary. In his rookie campaign, when the guy finally healed, he showed little to justify his hype and was constantly getting is a** thrown around and made very few tackles. So here we are in his 2nd year, with what looks to be another year with very little production from him. Keep this up Ted, and you will begin to approach Ron Wolf's level of incompetence of drafting in the first round. Maybe this is why you repeatedly decide to trade down.......because you honestly don't know who to take at that spot. How does one state gather so much incompetence in it's sports management?

Thank God...

The Big Ten Network and Time Warner Cable finally reached a deal for the BTN to be shown on the expanded cable line-up channel 63. Can't wait for my cable bill to go up a few bucks for that shit. Atleast we'll be able to see Cal-Poly, Akron, and Marshall now.

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Man Needs Assistance.

D's 3Some and I were talking about this yesterday whilst we attended the Brewers game, and apparently D3S and Reid had a similar conversation on Saturday: Corey Hart's at-bat music is beyond atrocious. "International Harvester" is, without question, the dumbest fucking song I have ever heard. If you can stomach it, take a look at these lyrics:

'Cause I’m a son of a third generation farmer
I’ve been married 10 years to a farmer’s daughter
I got two boys in the county 4-H
I’m a lifetime sponsor of the F.F.A.
Hay! That’s what I make

(I made it that far. The 'hay' pun just about killed me. My heart stopped for 3.4 seconds. I will soldier on:)

I make a lotta hay for a little pay
But I’m proud to say
I’m a God fearin’ hard workin’ combine driver
Hoggin’ up the road on my a p-p-p-plower
Chug a lug a lugin’ 5 miles an hour
On my International Harvester.

My eyes...

We have the power to fix this -- mainly because we know Sheets' Pooter. Hart can't keep coming up to this fucking abomination. So I beseech thee, Va Jay Jay, play something else. It will get you fired, sure, but one of us will take you in when you get evicted.

Here's my suggestion: "Comfort Eagle" by Cake. For one, it's Cake, and Cake is a great fucking band. Plus, it's got that awesome, driving guitar line to open the song, and then the dude starts singing about "building a religion." Fuck yes. Sign me up. I'm a Corey Hart acolyte.

Other suggestions?

Worst...Poll...Ever

Apparently, there's some sort of argument that this year's Redeem Team could be better than the 1992 Dream Team. To that end, ESPN developed the inane poll you see below. My answers are bolded. Seems that everyone else agrees with me. ESPN, trying to squeeze more blood out the Olympics. Idiots, I'm sure this will on PTI today.

1) Which set of point guards would you rather have?
82.9% 1992 Team USA: Magic Johnson, John Stockton
17.1% 2008 Team USA: Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, Deron Williams

Two very solid point guards and one dazzling young talent don't quite stack up to Magic and Stockton.

2) Shooting guards:
71.7% 1992: Clyde Drexler, Michael Jordan
28.3% 2008: Kobe Bryant, Michael Redd, Dwyane Wade

Did Jordan suddenly cease being the greatest basketball player ever? Seriously?

3) Small forwards:
57.4% 1992: Larry Bird, Scottie Pippen, Chris Mullin
42.6% 2008: Carmelo Anthony, LeBron James, Tayshaun Prince

Two of the best pure shooters ever and another Top 50 NBA player vs Lebron (damn, damn good), a lazy-assed Carmelo and Tayshaun? 42% voted for 2008? How?

4) Power forwards/centers:
93.0% 1992: Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Christian Laettner, Karl Malone, David Robinson
7.0% 2008: Chris Bosh, Carlos Boozer, Dwight Howard

Finally, some sanity is returned.

5) Coach:
73.2% 2008: Mike Krzyzewski
26.8% 1992: Chuck Daly

I thought this one would be closer, but Coach K did a great job with this crew.

6) The 1992 Dream Team won the gold medal in Barcelona by going undefeated in tournament play, with an average margin of victory of 43.8 points per game. How would the '92 team fare against the competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics?
55.3% Win gold and go undefeated, but by a lesser margin of victory
39.4% Just as dominant
3.3% Lose a game in pool play, but still win gold
2.0% Not win gold

The rest of the world has caught up, that's the only reason.

7) Which of these young NBA player do you most want to see playing for Team USA at the 2012 Olympics?
26.1% Kevin Durant
23.0% Greg Oden
11.2% Michael Beasley
9.2% Andrew Bynum
8.8% Brandon Roy
8.6% Derrick Rose
3.8% Kevin Love
3.6% O.J. Mayo
3.1% Josh Smith
2.7% Monta Ellis

5 of these dudes haven't even played in the NBA!

8) Who was Team USA's Olympic MVP?
42.8% Dwyane Wade
32.1% Kobe Bryant
20.8% LeBron James
4.3% Other

Representin!

9) Which nation will pose the biggest threat to Team USA at the 2010 FIBA World Championship?
61.1% Spain
26.5% Argentina
2.9% Australia
2.6% Greece
2.3% China
2.3% Lithuania
1.8% Other
0.5% Croatia

Wow, I feel bad for Croatia, scoring below Other is pretty rough.

10) Are you more likely to follow Team USA at international tournaments after these Olympics?
66.0% Yes
34.0% No

Fuck.

Asshole.

Way to leave your teammates high and dry right before the school year starts, cuntface.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Yosty!

From today's JS:

Hardy has 13 hits in his last 37 at-bats with three homers and 10 RBI during the stretch.

This has come on the heels of a cold spell in which he had slides of 0 for 20 and 0 for 28. But Yost doesn’t believe Hardy should be classified as a “streaky” player.

“I don’t sense any inconsistency,” Yost said. “When he was 0 for 28, I didn’t know he was 0 for 28. I don’t follow the day-to-day. What do you do to help me win a baseball game? That’s what I look at. I look at defense, I look at base running, I look at offensive production all in one. You don’t have to just swing the bat to help us win ballgames.”

Fuck me in the glory hole, that's like three Yosties in one quote:

(1) Insisting that someone who has, on two recent occasions, gone 0-20 (plus) isn't a streaky player. "I didn't even know he hadn't gotten a hit in six games," said King Ned. "I was going to ask him about it one day, but then I got lost in his eyes and forgot what I was talking about."

(2) "I don't follow the day-to-day." (Hi. I am employed as the manager of a professional baseball team. The entirety of my job involves putting players in position to succeed. To that end, I have decided to ignore what they do on the field.)

I am forced to ask again: WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE PAYING THIS MAN FOR?

(3) "I look at offensive production all in one." (What "offensive production" do you create in an oh-for-28 skid, dipshit?)

I beseech someone in the media: ask King Ned if he thinks Kim Jong Il is a bad dude. Ask him if Anna Farris is hot. Ask him if your farts stink worse after eating Indian food.

Like I said to D's 3Some at the game today: I can't tell if he realizes he's an idiot and says shit like this just to fuck with us, or if he actually believes these things.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Outlook

34 games left. That is all for this team. Here's how I see each series going the rest of the year.

PIT = 2-1
at STL = 1-1
at PIT = 2-1
NYM = 2-1
SD = 3-1
CIN = 2-1
at PHI = 1-3
at CHI = 1-2
at CIN = 2-1
PIT = 2-1
CHI = 1-2

That leaves us at 19-15 and 92-70 for the year. Will that be enough guys? The Cubs play Washington and Pittsburgh next and then they have only one series against a team with a losing record the rest of the year. Please melt down, please melt down.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A Fan's Guide On Your New Teammates, Part III.

Hi, again, CC. It's been a while since I've updated my guide on your new teammates. I didn't forget about you, or them. Let's get back after it, shall we?

Manny Parra -- See Bush, Dave, but make him left-handed.

Actually, that doesn't come close to describing the Manny Experience. CC, would you try something with me? (That's what she said.) Let's go on a trip to Imagination Land!

Imagine that Manny Parra is a car, but he's one of those talking cars like KITT from Knight Rider that can drive himself. Let's go for a ride with Manny the Car, shall we? What a nice country road we're driving down. I'm going to roll down a window and enjoy the air. Gosh, such a nice day. Oops, hit a small pothole there, but it's no big deal -- Manny the Car is still cruising just fine ...

Wait a minute. Something's going on here. The car is shaking really bad. Maybe I better close the windows. ... Fuckin' a, Manny the Car, you're driving on the wrong side of the road! We just sideswiped an old lady in a Camry! Oh Christ, now you're headed right towards a school! We just plowed through the chain link fence! I think we ran over a couple of third graders who were playing Four Square! What the fuck! We're really in trouble here. Oh my fucking God. We're headed right for the kindergarten class room. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck ...

... ... ... Is it over? Is everybody OK? That's weird. Something smells like little kid shampoo. Oh, that's what it is. It's that little dude right there who got decapitated. His head fell in my lap. Sweet. Thanks for the ride, Manny the Car!

Much better. That about sums it up.

Ben Sheets -- At first, you will think your eyes are deceiving you. My God, you'll think, is that an ambulatory vagina? And then the vagina will move a little bit, and you'll think, Wait a minute. Now it looks like a walking turd. What the hell is going on here? Don't worry, CC. You've just experienced the awful, maddening mystery that is Ben Sheets. He's got talent coming out of his ears, but zero moxie. Need a big pitch in a big moment in the game? Ben Sheets is not the guy you want out there.

This fuckstick doesn't just crap the bed, he Alabama Hot Pockets it. He's stolen money from the good citizens of Milwaukee for four years now, and I, for one, can't wait to see some other team have to pay him $18 million a year for 12 wins.

Monday, August 18, 2008

'08-'09 Predictions

The Brett Favre saga is finally behind us and we have 2 preseason games under our belts in what is now the Aaron Rodgers era, so I thought I would throw out my preseason predictions. Now we can't put too much stock into preseason games, and I didn't witness one snap of the San Francisco game, but it's hard to come away from the two games overly confident after losing at home to the Bengals and getting bitch smacked by the lowly San Francisco 49ers. Sure Rodgers looked pretty decent the first few series against Cincy, and his receivers haven't helped him much to this point, but if scrutinizing the overall team effort, I have to say that the near future doesn't look too bright. Rodgers should be solid, and our receiving corps is deep, so that should definitely help him get his feet wet, but I suspect that we will go through some growing pains this season. I like Ryan Grant.......not like I like LaDainian Tomlinson.....but he did a hell of a job stepping in last year. I think that much of his success was attributed to our potent passing offense, and the fact that the way Brett was throwing, opposing defenses had no choice but to respect Brett and let the 3rd string running back beat them........which he did. That being said, Brett goes bye bye and passes the torch, check that, was forced to pass the torch to a "rookie" qb, so I suspect that the running lanes will be a little more hard to come by this season. In spite of that, I think that overall our offense will be fine. It won't compare to last year's offense, but provided the O-line doesn't get Rodgers murdered, he has enough weapons to move the chains consistenly enough to win some gains.

My major concern lies (still) in the secondary of this team. I feel like we have the curse of Terrell Buckley or something because the secondary has been a major issue for what feels like a decade now. Sure Harris and Woodsen are solid/physical corners that can hold their own when healthy, but they are not getting any younger and have very little help behind them ie. safeties and nickel/dime backs (see Jarrett Bush as first off the bench). The organization hasn't put a lot of effort into strengthening the secondary of this team of late, so I hope that our lack of depth does not come back to haunt us. Linebackers = solid. We don't have a Ray Lewis by any means, but they get the job done for the most part. The D-line went from an area of strength and depth one year ago, to an injury away from calling up the Green Bay Burger Kings to find where Gilbert Brown is hiding these days. By the way has Justin Harrell tackled anyone yet?????

So after quickly defining my overall thoughts on the team, my prediction........

6-10

Tough schedule this year + inexperienced qb = long season. I will sacrifice wins for production and development from Aaron Rodgers without getting him killed. If he his our boy of the future I don't want him to fold under Brett Favre's shadow and turn into the next Ryan Leaf/Tim Couch. Actually Tim Couch would be a good comparison because the fans were such a*holes to him, he simply crumbled. I think a majority of Packer fans are receptive to him, but from what I hear there has been a little anarchy surrounding the Ted Thompson/Aaron Rodgers regime, such as an 8 year old kid wearing a Favre jersey telling Aaron that he's a piece of sh*t. What a sweet kid. I bet his dad drinks plenty of Milwaukees Best every night when he gets home from work (not there's anything wrong with that).

So there it is. I predict 6-10, but I'll set the over/under at 8. I'll take the under. Who wants some sweet action?

Friday, August 15, 2008

MU Tidbit of the Day


From Rosiak's blog:

MU will host Wisconsin on Dec. 6 at 8:30 p.m. at the Bradley Center. The game will be telecast on ESPNU.
First, I'm surprised the game is on ESPNU. Both teams deserve better billing. After all, this is one of the better rivalries out there.
More importantly, the game is at 8:30!! Great googily moogily. The drunkeness will be obscene. I'm betting that I'll crawl into a luxury box and take swings at some red clad renobs.
Also, because of the late start, there's a better than even chance that Bo Ryan will be asleep before beer sales stop.
God help us all, December 6th will be a day of stupidity.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ace My Ass...

fucking Sheets goes 6 innings of 1 hit ball (not getting any run support again) and has a 1-0 and can't get the first guy in the 7th after being up 1-2 and the wheels fall off. I think Ned left him in to long to try and "let him get through it". CC can do it...Sheet's can't. Benny's only out in the inning was a diving stop by Lance Nix on a .111 hitter. The Brewers (Sheets and hitters) fucked up a great opportunity today. I hope we can somehow get a couple of games in LA, but I'd take 1 and get home.

We've Been Linked!!

From the MU premium Scout board. Unless YoungMUFan4 is someone on this site. E?


YoungMUFan4
Member
1827 posts this site

Posted: Yesterday 12:05 PM
Scheduling Rumor
Rumor has it, that MU plays Villanova at home on Jan. 1http://quevedobuffet.blogspot....ting-first.html

Nukem2
Member
4153 posts this site
Posted: Yesterday 12:20 PM
Re: Scheduling Rumor
Somehow that seems dubious that a game would be scheduled on New Year's Day. Too many conflicts.....?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Stats with Stotts.....I mean

Since this is typically a huge Milwaukee Bucks/NBA forum, I know you are all dying to hear my opinion on the blockbuster deal that was pulled off by the Milwaukee Bucks today. I will sum it up to you with one word......eh. When the biggest name in the deal is Moe Williams, it's not exactly going to generate a ton of excitement. However, after reading the story detailing the works of the trade one question came to mind. What the hell? Heading into the draft we had a forward heavy roster. Yi, Bobby Simmons, D Mason, Charlie V, and I'll include Bogut. Due to this, I was surprised to hear all the projections that pegged us taking Alexander if he was available. I personally thought we needed to revamp our PG position. Moe is too much of a scoring PG for my taste and to sum it up I think that he was overhyped/overpaid/and a weak defender on an overall soft squad. Yet being that we gave him a 5 year deal last year I wasn't too optimistic about us taking one of the PG's in the draft. Draft day comes and we make a solid deal to acquire Richard Jefferson and at the same time get rid of Bobby Simmons dead weight contract. When the Bucks pick rolls around, Bayless falls to us, but Alexander is still sittin' there so just as predicted we select Alexander who looks to come of the bench this up coming season. I like Alexander, but would have preferred to have selected Bayless. Again, since we committed ourselves to Moe I understand not taking a PG. Well, today as I'm guessing you all have heard, the Bucks traded Moe Williams and Desmond Mason in a 3 team deal in which we acquire Luke Ridnour, Damon Jones, and Adrien Griffin. Now, Luke Ridnour is more of a true point guard, which I think what would fit better on this team, but I do not foresee him as our PG of the future. So I guess what I meant when I said "What the hell?" earlier in this post is, if management intended on moving Moe Williams, why did they decide not to either take Bayless in their spot, trade up to select one of the more highly touted guards, or trade down in what was a PG heavy draft? I of course don't have the answer for this. Maybe they didn't feel that any of the PG's were as good as advertised. Maybe they think Joe Alexander is going to be a superstar. I don't believe either of these. So I put this out there to my roundtable brethren. Does anyone make any sense of this?

Our First Ever Gymnastics Post.

Let's get this out of the way: I love the Olympics. Fucking love the Olympics. I know, I'm supposed to be the cynical one who bitches about how the athletes are just there trying to snag an endorsement deal and how the whole thing is a big ad for McDonald's and Nike and Speedo and how nobody gives a shit about the fact that they're supposed to be representing their country. Couldn't give half-a-shit about any of those things. Fucking love the Olympics.

I'll watch almost any of the events. Swimming? Fucking love it. Basketball? Fucking love it (though Dwyane needs to rethink the shaved head -- without hair, he looks bloated, like a bunch of bees stung him in the cheeks). Softball? Fucking love it. Beach volleyball? Fuck and yes. Synchronized diving? I'm there, motherfucker.

But, for the last two days, I've had to cut back on my Olympic viewing, because NBC insisted on showing the Greatest Abomination in the History of Sport: gymnastics.

(Quick side note to NBC: hook me up, assholes. You want to show gymnastics? Fine. Put it on MSNBC or CNBC or Oxygen or some other fucking channel that nobody watches. Leave the swimming on regular NBC, and show it around the clock. Fuck, you should be replaying that men's 4X100 free relay every 15 minutes anyway.)

My love for all other sports Olympic is perfectly balanced by my undying, boundless, and intense hatred for gymnastics. The basic concept is alright: people flying around and doing flips and shit. Sounds a lot like training to be a ninja, and, as everybody knows, the only thing cooler than training to be a ninja is actually being a ninja. But the basic concept has gotten so incredibly fucked up with the fucking judging.

Here are the rules: to be a legitimate sport, the difference between coming in first and coming in second can't be some Ruski saying: "I like little girl from Red China little better." It's completely subjective. We're told there are objective criteria, but no one can fucking identify any of them. It's a fucking travesty, and it came front and center in the last Olympics, leading the Gymnastic World Order (I'm not bothering to look up the actual name of the governing body) to come up with an even more cockamamie scheme that decides how hard something is before it's even fucking attempted, and then awards points based on how hard it should have been compared to how hard it actually was compared to how well the thing was actually done.

Fuck me. These are my hands. They are in the air, and not because I'm waving them around like I just don't care. It's because your fucking "sport" is a farce.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Soul Glo, coming to Miller Park?


So, I went to the White Sox game tonight (slobber-knocker by the way) and was very excited to see Ken Griffey Jr. in person. I think the last time I saw him play in person the Brewers were in the AL and they were playing the Mariners on a Turn Back the Clock Night at County Stadium. I had this friend who wore his Mariners Griffey jersey religiously... what a gay-rod.

Anyway, so Griffey comes up to bat and his batting music is the Soul Glo song from Coming to America... classic. I had an awkward moment when I realized that I got excited and identified the Soul Glo music prior to Beth's date who was sitting next to me (yes, he was black. Jamaican black, not African-American black but still an odd moment). Here's a link http://www.imeem.com/people/hC7Qw//music/1q8YcCut/soul_glo/ for those of you unfamiliar with the Soul Glo.

At the end of the day, awkwardness aside, I'd really like to see a Brewer have this song as their batting music. So I'm running through the list of... um, not to be racist... "playas"... and nobody is Soul Glo worthy. The only person I can think of is Gagne with his nappy-pachouli-smelling-Canadian-hair. I've had a few beers at this point but the thought of him coming out of the bullpen to the Soul Glo song just makes me giggle uncontrollably.

The worst idea since Greedo shooting first.

Yesterday was a gold outing for the M Club.  A Marquette group that... well... I'm not exactly sure who they are or what they do, but they apparently like golf and have an outing.  Good for them.  Lord knows there aren't enough golf outings out there.

At this outing the new Marquette Men's  Basketball coach gave a little speech.  Buzz Williams is apparently quite a charismatic character.  I am sold on the guy and I like him.  Others think he is lying to all of us.  I guess we'll see what is happening later on.

At some point in his talk, Buzz said that MU will open the Big East season against Villanova on January 1st.  Yeah.  You heard it right.  New Years Day!  From what I can tell this is a home game.  A home game!  Lots of hung-over MU fans wearing sunglasses and hating the loud noises.  Sounds like a fun way to start the Big East season.

I will be there and loving it though... and possibly throwing up in a popcorn bucket.

By Request:

From Deadspin yesterday:

Two University of Nebraska Wrestlers Featured In Gay Photo Shoot Sans Tights

"Uh oh. The two wrestlers, Paul Donahoe and Kenny Jordan, are pictured nude on a gay p0rn site, fratmen.tv. Donahoe was a national champion in the 125 pound weight class in 2007. He finished third last year. Jordan is a junior. Now the Univeristy of Nebraska is investigating. And you thought trying to find out whether Lawrence Phillips threw his ex-girlfriend down a flight of stairs was awkward. Does the NCAA have a specific rule prohibiting gay p0rno shoots?"

I'm not surprised you missed this story, D's 3some -- this kind of stuff happens all the time in the Husker state. I mean, they call Nebraska "San Francisco of the Midwest" for a reason.

Monday, August 11, 2008

JESUS GOD WHY?!?

Listen:

Craig Counsell is a nice ballplayer. He can give a guy a breather and, though he can't hit worth a lick, he can hold down the fort in the field at three positions (not at the same time, which would be some kind of record).

But JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, he's not an everyday player. You can't run him out there game after game after game. He's already struck out three times today, and...

Fine. Go ahead. Hit a two-run double just as I'm typing this. Goddamn elf.

Deep Thoughts (by Jack Handy)

So I just heard the Barry Bonds speech from the other day at AT&T Park (or whatever it is this year) and I found it interesting that he.......

1. seemed personable and almost human-like
2. talked sh*t to Joe Torre whom was sitting in the oppossing dug out
3. re-iterated that he was not retired

This of course got me thinking. He obviously is a major pain in the ass and may not be nimble enough to play even Manny Ramirezesque defense, however just last year the guy had an OBP over 0.500 and was on a terrible offensive team. So I wondered, theoretically of course, of the possibility of Doug Melvin making a push for him to come to Milwaukee. I understand a)the likelihood of him wanting to play in Milwaukee is slim to none b) he would probably want like 5 mil to play the final six weeks and c)we play in the national league, which doesn't have a DH slot, of which I believe Barry stated that is the position he would desire. But for arguments sake, would this be a good move and solidify our run this year. Afterall, we know our pitching staff is going to look a bit thin next year compared to this (both literally and figuratively), so if we're going to go I say GO BIG. Sit Cameron down, slide Hart to center, and stick Barry in the outfield somewhere where he can be as lazy as possible. Inserting Barry in between Braun and Prince would be sick in my opinion and I'd be willing to bet that our RPG would increase by 20-25%. If the Red Sox could win multiple world series with Ramirez out in left, I imagine we would have a great shot as well........even with old Nedly at the helm. Its completely unrealistic, but an interesting thought.

And that's Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy.....I mean E-Money

Live Sportscenter

I figure that I am the only at QatB that is having the pleasure of checking out the live Sportscenter thing they rolled out this morning.  The first thing I asked myself was, "Am I even going to be able to tell the difference?"  I now have my answer... yes and no.  That isn't much of an answer, but then again, in many ways, Sportscenter isn't much of a program.  At least not what it used to be.  Kind of like Saturday Night Live.

At times it has a "Live" feeling to it.  You can tell when they don't hit the camera movement or the anchor misses their spot by a bit.  Otherwise, it seems like the same old show.  I know this sounds horrible, but I think they are waiting for some huge disaster or something big to happen just so this live thing pays off.  They can be the first to report it.

The best moment of the morning so far was during a quick recap of Team USA mens basketball highlights.  It got so bad I was waiting for a, "Boom, goes the dynamite!" type of moment.  One of the ladies who is talking on the television this morning just absolutely murdered the highlights.  She was about 3 highlights behind and just stumbling over everything.  I know that most of the players are African American gentleman with shaved heads, but that is why they wear numbers.  Very bush league by this female member of the live Sportscenter.

(Oh great.  They just showed the shoving match between Fielder and a limp Parra for the 3rd time this morning.  Yeah, we get it.  He pitched today.  That happened last time.  Fun.)

I'm hoping someone curses live on the air, but I don't think I can stand to watch anymore of this.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

New Translations

After watching the 13-hour big league baseball game that took place at Miller Park today, I have figured out how to speak two different languages.  I know you are thinking that is impossible, but stay with me here.

First we will look at this word; Rivera.  By looking at the word it appears to have some Spanish origins.  Looking in the dictionary, I came across this picture.












Rivera, Mike - Seldom used catcher for the Milwaukee Brewers of Major League Baseball.  He stays sharp even though he spends a lot of his time on the bench and catching ceremonial first pitches.  He has gigantic balls.  Both literally and figuratively.  He will get clutch hits.

I then cross-referenced it with this; Gigantic Balls.

Gigantic Balls - See Rivera, Mike

Next I decided to look up the word Kapler.  I was very unsure of the origins of this word, but I came to find out it comes to us from the land of the Middle East.  This picture was found with it.





















Kapler, Gabe - Reserve outfielder for the Milwaukee Brewers of Major League Baseball.  Started the 2008 season on  ridiculous tear and now does his best to keep his average above .300.  He is in ridiculous shape and a has a huge neck.  He also has ice water in his veins, also known as cold blooded.

Very interesting.  I know that Kapler had a rough day until one swing of the bat, but his fellow tribe member (Braun, Ryan) has also had days like that.  Rivera had an amazingly awesome day and Kapler stepped up when he needed to.  So we see that in Spanish, Rivera stands for gigantic balls and Kapler, in Jewish (or something like that), stands for cold blooded.

In order to stay in it this year we are going to need contributions from fellow like Mike 'Gigantic Balls' Rivera and Gabe 'Cold Blooded' Kapler.

I love baseball.

Friday, August 8, 2008

I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.

Really, Milwaukee?  Really?  We come in second to Austin as the Hardest-Drinking city in America?  For shame.  For shame.

Forbes magazine did a little research and came up with this bogus title for Austin.  I hear wonderful things about Austin, including a rocking music scene, but harder drinkers than us?  They obviously didn't ask any of us.

I figure that with everything going wrong in this state, this just adds to the heap.

You can see the rest of them at the link below.

http://www.forbes.com/lifestyle/2008/08/07/alcohol-drinking-cities-forbeslife-drink08-cx_de_avb_0807hard.html

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Good Night, Sweet Fuckhead.

I just got done listening to the press conference with Mark Murphy, Ted Thompson, and Mike McCarthy. The lasting impression: after how charitable they were with The Insufferable Prick Formerly Known As Brett Favre, all three of these dudes should be immediately canonized.

At one point or another over the last month, Favre has lambasted each of these men in the most public, unnecessary, and immature way possible. He called Thompson a liar. He said Murphy tried to "buy him off" with the marketing deal, which, as Murphy made clear today, was complete and utter horseshit. He blamed McCarthy and Thompson for pressuring him into retirement, and then had the gall to say (and I'm paraphrasing here) that McCarthy knew that Favre was going to come back all along and should have been planning for this. In one month, through the tremendous distraction he (and he alone) created in his pathetic effort to satisfy his massive (but apparently fragile) ego, he has undone all the good he did in Green Bay over 16 years. Once and for all, he has revealed himself to be a selfish, emotionally-immature asshole.

And yet all Thompson and McCarthy and Murphy could talk about today was how hard this was for Brett, and how they sympathized with Brett's situation, and how they wished it hadn't come to this point, and how they wished him well with the Jets. They not only took the high road, they built a road on top of the high road and then took that path. It was not entirely unexpected, since these men are undeniably better and more decent human beings than Brett Favre (though, at this point, who isn't?), but their refusal to say anything even quasi-negative about The Prick was striking nonetheless.

For myself, and just for myself, I'd like to say: Fuck you, Brett Favre. I do not wish you well with the Jets. I hope you throw 42 interceptions. I hope you start the year 0-8. I hope you're running for your life from opposing defensive linemen all year. I hope that, as the year goes on, you wake up in cold sweats in the middle of the night as you realize that your decision to come back was a collosal mistake. And I hope the New York tabloids tear you apart in the way that the Wisconsin papers never would. Because you deserve it. I firmly believe that a shit-ton of personal indiscretions were swept under the rug by the Packers organization and the Wisconsin media. I hope you're never given the same kid-glove treatment again, because, as a person, you have done nothing to merit it.

And though I know you're too self-deluded for this to happen, I hope, at some point in the next 40 years, you realize, in some small part, what a petty, infantile dickhead you are and do something to change it. But I won't be holding my breath.

J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets

As disappointed as I am to see Brett go, I come away somewhat satisfied with the compensation that Green Bay is getting out of the deal. A fourth round pick, with conditions that could result in a 1st rounder, was likely the best deal out there so I am happy that all sides were able to agree on it. While we don't know the exact terms yet, I understand that a superbowl appearance would yield a first rounder meaning that simply making the playoffs may yield a 2nd-3rd round pick. I for one (and after listening to The Herd, Chris Mortenson agrees with me) think that the Jets were a solid team with a crappy Chad Pennington, so the addition of Favre makes them a legitimate playoff contender even with the Patriots in the same division. That being said, getting a 2nd or 3rd round pick is bonus considering he was retired 2 months ago. We have all witnessed a large number of NFL franchises go into the wastelands because of the revolving door at the QB position (see NFC north teams not named Green Bay), so I hope that TT knows what he is doing when he is gives the keys for a near Super Bowl Team to an inexperienced QB.

Go Pack!
And now, Go Jets!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Not bad...

That's what I have to say about Rachel Nichols' backside.  I know it was in question during the earlier hot or not post.  My vote is still under the hot category.




It's too bad Favre is in the picture.  There goes the spank-bank quality.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

The view of an empty podium...

There is supposed to be a press conference happening in Green Bay.  This press conference is supposed to be about some old quarterback and his 16 year-old need for attention.  It is really fun to hear people talking about what might happen at this conference and showing shots of a room full of mikehunt type of reporters staring at an empty podium.  What excitement.

The sad part, it is getting better ratings than anything else on TV right now.  I think I'm going to write a pilot tonight for my new show, The Podium.  It's guaranteed to have great ratings.

I'm sure we'll talk about this more later.

The Fight...



I think the most important thing to be concerned with is Bushy's right arm okay? That's a lot of weight moving around...hopefully he'll be okay to make his next start.

In all seriousness, everyone needs to relax regarding the big fight. It happens. Happened in Chicago last year...Boston this year...probably happens more than we know. And of course its going to be #1 story on ESPN (aside from the late night Favre saga) because a fight in the dugout gives the talking heads something to talk about. Yes, I agree Nedly made a poor choice in words/analogies, but he was right. Its an internal matter, they'll figure it out as a team and they don't owe us anything in terms of an explanation. Manny's pissed because he allowed 4 runs in the 5th after looking awesome for the first 4 1/3. Prince is pissed because he's sucking it up this year and he's probably mad that he didn't stop the grounder to his right in that inning which would have held the scoring to only 2 runs.

This isn't going to cause the end of the Brewers season...it might even light a fire under the team's asses. We'll see, but everyone needs to take a big deep breath and realize this isn't that big of a deal. I'd be more concerned about why Parra hasn't won a game in a while and why we are atrocious at the plate with runners in scoring position. Solo homers are cool and all but they are not going to get the job done.

Yosty!


Another Yosty folks!


“It’s a little bit rude when your neighbors are fighting next door for you to go knock on the door and ask what happened. We handle it ourselves. It’s between us and it’s nobody’s business. But it wasn’t that big a deal.”


Except for when said neighbors witness an assault in your backyard like Monday night and your neighbors pay your salary. Now, we don't need to have the dirty laundry aired, but Yost's comment is pure lunacy. Typical, defensive shit from Nedly.


Also - how is it not a big deal when your 350 lb 1B is assaulting a starting pitcher who figures to be a fixture in the rotation for years to come?


Boy, I'm sure Prince is really feeling the heat. His free agent value is decreasing by the day. He may be the worst baserunner in the majors in addition to being in the bottom 1/6 of defensive first basemen. Now, you can add major concerns about clubhouse presence. Big time negative dude, which happens when your whole being is based off several chips on your shoulder.
"MANNY PARRA!!! HOW DARE YOU SPILL MY SKITTLES????"

Monday, August 4, 2008

Really????

Just when I think that Ned Yost can't be any more of a waste, he comes out and says the following:

Reporter questions the teams inability to score runs and why their average with runners in scoring position is so low....answer.....Well they are all good hitters, and I want them to learn situational hitting on their own as they mature as ballplayers. They will turn it around.

What the hell are we paying you for then NED! What do you do exactly? How about explaining to them that swinging out of their shoes doesn't help them hit the ball hard.......when a pitcher throws 90 mph, CONTACT DOES! Maybe ask Rickie Weeks to try swinging a Louisville Slugger versus a caveman's club. Bunting in the first four innings of a game is NOT illegal, and is actually encouraged when your team is struggling to manufacture runs consistently. Or I've got an idea.....COACH! I know it's difficult, but it's not like the good ol' days with Bobby Cox in Atlanta where you just trot your 3 cy young award winners out there and let them do the rest.

Speaking of sinking to new lows, I just experienced deja vu. Correct me if I'm wrong but it was darn close to 1 year ago when Johnny Estrada and Yost were getting after it in the dug out in the midst of our collosal 1st place collapse. Well, this time it's our "leader" Prince Fielder and Manny Parra. I don't know, and I'm sure we will never find out what exactly was said, but unless Manny insulted Prince's mama, wife, kids, or dog, Prince should not be shoving our number 3 starter into the wall the way he did. That's just ridiculous! We have now lost 8 of the last 11. If things don't change in a hurry, the playoffs are going to be an afterthought and we are going to be without Sabathia, Sheets, and soon thereafter Prince whom the more I think about, don't think I'm going to miss too much. Can we bring LaPorta back? Or maybe we can trade Prince for Favre. Prince would be a good fullback, and the way Brett throws maybe he can be our closer.

QB Controversy Solved

If this picture, which has been up on the front page of espn.com, is any indication, there really shouldn't be any QB controversy in Green Bay.  The job should be handed to Aaron Rodgers because it appears that Brett Favre has come down with a case of the physically challenged, or as Devil's Threesome likes to call it, the gotards.  I also have to worry about that T-Rex arm.  Especially since it is his throwing, gun-slinging arm.  Don't worry Rodgers. The job is yours.



Friday, August 1, 2008

The Day After Tomorrow.


(JASON KENDALL emerges from pile of ash)

KENDALL: Holy shit. That was fucking intense. I can't believe I lived through a direct nuclear strike. I guess it helps that my skeleton is made of adamantium. I better look for survivors.

(Walks around the wreckage of Miller Park.)

COREY HART: Uhhh...owwww...

KENDALL: Corey Hart, are you alright?

COREY HART: I...I think I'm OK. I was down in the clubhouse when the bomb hit, so my skin didn't melt off. But I think I've got fallout sickness. Better let me lay here like a worthless turd for two days.

KENDALL: Makes sense. Have you seen anyone else?

COREY HART: I think ... I think that's Prince and CC over there.

KENDALL: I think you're right. Prince! CC! Are you guys OK? Wait...are you guys eating?

PRINCE: (Wolfs down an entire bag of Munchos in one movement) We good. (Holds up finger, in classic "give me a minute, I've got some shit in my mouth that I'm still chewing, and I don't want to be rude and spit Muncho shrapnel all over you") Our bodies are so full of synthetic preservatives from all the Tootsie Pops, Snickers, Twinkies, Ho-hos, Sixlets, Gobstoppers, Airheads, Spree, Nutter Butters, Reese's cups, York peppermint patties, Laffy Taffy, Suzy Q's, and Ding Dongs that we're pretty much impervious to a nuclear attack.

CC: Want a Roll-O?

KENDALL: I'm alright, thanks, CC.

CC: Want a Crunch bar?

KENDALL: No, I'm alright.

CC: How 'bout a Twix? Mr. Goodbar? Kit Kat? Krackel?

KENDALL: No, seriously, CC. I'm alright.

CC: Fuck, dawg. Won't you even have a Mentos?

KENDALL: Fine, one Mentos. But I have to keep looking for survivors.

PRINCE: If it's cool with you, we're going down where the clubhouse used to be to see if our hot tub full of Skittles made it through.

KENDALL: OK, guys, be safe out there. We haven't been able to confirm that the Cubs are gone yet.

(KENDALL walks to where the infield used to be.)

KENDALL: Hello? Anybody alive over here?

RICKIE WEEKS: Hey, Jason.

KENDALL: Oh, hey, Rickie Weeks. Are you OK?

RICKIE WEEKS: Yeah, I'm OK.

KENDALL: Oh. Really? You're not hurt at all?

RICKIE WEEKS:
No, I think I'm good.

KENDALL: Ain't that some shit. ... Wait, hold on. You've got something on your back. Turn around.

RICKIE WEEKS: Oh, really? Shit. What is it?

KENDALL: (Picks up shattered piece of bat) Just hold still. Let me...just... (Repeatedly stabs Rickie Weeks, because he is a fucking fuckstick who can't do a fucking thing well and is inexplicably allowed to keep fucking playing)

RICKIE WEEKS: (Dies)

KENDALL: Oh, no! Rickie Weeks! No! Curse you, Cubs! I will avenge you, Rickie Weeks! (Looks around, makes sure there are no witnesses who need a "memory adjustment") Sweet.

(KENDALL walks over by the dugout)

KENDALL: Hey, is anyone here?

NED YOST: (Crawls from under the charred corpse of Ted Simmons) I'm here, Jason.

KENDALL: Skip! Are you alright?

NED YOST: Yeah, I'm fine. Being a good leader, as I am, I hid under Simmons when I saw the bomb coming. Sure, most of my team was incinerated, and the rest have radiation poisoning, but at least I'm alright!

KENDALL: Wow.

NED YOST: Hey, have you seen Rickie? We need him to lead off tonight.

KENDALL: (Silently decides whether to kill Ned Yost, decides he has enough blood on his hands for one day) No. Haven't seen him. Let me know if you do.