Tuesday, January 27, 2009


By Marc Stuart of the Urinal-Sentinel Staff

It's not limited to the new administration in Washington, D.C.

No, the Audacity of Hope has spread far and wide, and, on Monday night, it nestled comfortably into the Kohl Center in Madison.

Riding a career-high 21 points from sure-fire lottery pick Keaton Nankovil and the concussive force of Joe Krabbenhoft's elbows, the Wisconsin Badgers added to their nation-leading "ALMOSTS" ledger by blowing a late, five-point lead to the dastardly Matt Painter and his crew of goons -- who, quite rudely, refused to stop making wide-open three pointers in the game's closing minutes.

By almost winning this barn burner between two of the Big Ten's most high-powered offenses, Bo Ryan's squad has now put a scare into a number of good teams.

"Grrrrrr!" explained Ryan after the game, baring his teeth. "This is a mean face! GRRRRR! Look at my mean face! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Painter was relieved to leave Madison with a slim victory and made clear that he wouldn't want to see this Badger team in the Big Ten tournament in March.

"Fuck yeah I'd want to play those fucks again," said Painter, who must have been joking. "We've beaten them four times in a row, and two years in a row on their home court.

"Bo Ryan is my bitch," Painter continued. "Print that shit, and put it in caps -- BO RYAN IS MY BITCH. I come home from practice, and Bo Ryan is making a me a roast beef sammich in my kitchen. Know why? Because HE'S MY BITCH. Make sure that's in caps."

Told of Painter's joshing, Ryan responded: "I'm a badger! Check out my claws! GRRRRRRRRRR!"


EMoney said...

Of course there's hope! Never mind I won't say it.

Reid You Animal! said...

Now THAT is funny. Everyone at work was chuckling at me while I tried to read this without bursting into uproarious laughter. Nicely done sir.