Saturday, January 24, 2009

Not Much To See On Our End...

With the largely uneventful win over DePaul, so let's check in with our friends in BadgerLand for some schadenfreude, eh?

Here's Mark Stewart's attempt to explain away Bo-hovah's (see what I did? I took "Jehovah" and put "Bo" in place of the first two letters!!!!!!! Get it??!? ROFLMAO!!1!1!11!) fourth Big 11 loss in a row:
The Wisconsin men's basketball team earned a dubious distinction Saturday while providing its coach with a glimmer of hope for a better future.

Does it have anything to do with Jordan Taylor and his "mojo"? Inquiring minds want to know.

The Badgers' equaled the longest losing streak of Bo Ryan's eight years as coach with their 64-57 loss to No. 25 Illinois in front of a sellout crowd of 16, 618 at Assembly Hall. UW dropped to 12-7 overall and 3-4 in the Big Ten, but not before putting a scare into the Illini by trimming a 15-point deficit with 14 minutes left to just five in the final 30 seconds.

Wow. Good job, men. You might not have a win over a solid team, but you're kicking ass and taking names in that all-important RPI category: "Putting a Scare Into Teams While Ultimately Losing the Game."

In falling for the fourth straight game, though, the team showed some of the toughness the coach has been looking for.

"Just grit," Ryan said of the rally. "The guys that were on the floor were the toughest guys we have. We just need to get that from the rest of the guys."

Ouch, Keaton. (Also: I'm going to take a stab in the dark. Mr. and Mrs. Nankovil were big fans of "Family Ties," weren't they?)

Ryan closed the game with senior Joe Krabbenhoft, who had 16 points, a collegiate high, and 12 rebounds,

...plus one U-Boat captained...

senior Marcus Landry (13 points, three assists),

...who disappeared for major stretches of the game...

juniors Trevon Hughes (13 points, three steals)

...who shot 5-13 overall and 2-7 from three, though he leads the nation in Multi-Colored Mouthguards (1)...

and Jason Bohannon (two points)

...J-Bo, as the ladies never call him, couldn't create his own shot if you let him drive a bulldozer down the lane. He's fucking awful. I'm sorry I can't find a more creative way to say that. He's just completely fucking worthless...

and freshman Jordan Taylor (four points, three assists).

But off-the-charts "mojo"!

That group cut a 10-point deficit in half, and had it taken any advantage of the three turnovers it forced with its trap in the final 1 minute 13 seconds the Badgers might have left town with something to really feel good about.

I love how this: "had it taken advantage of the three turnovers it forced with its trap in the final 1 minute 13 seconds" is said like it's a good thing. Had the Germans controlled any of the beaches on D-Day, we might all be eating sauerkraut for breakfast (and Krabbenhoft might be Uber-Kommander of Wisco-Deustche-Land).

"We've got some fighters out there," Hughes said.

But, amazingly, none of those "fighters" has ever committed a foul. Right, Bo?

[Bo Knows Shit] drew the [technical foul] call after Krabbenhoft was called for a blocking foul against senior guard Chester Frazier. Ryan thought the call should have been a charge and was applauding Krabbenhoft's effort; the referee, Ted Valentine, took offense and hit Ryan with a technical.

Bo: you are palpably full of shit. I hope you had a huge smile on your face when you were saying that you were "applauding Krabbenhoft's effort," you fucktaster. I saw the play. You were unequivocally, unquestionably mocking the ref, as you are wont to do when you boys are actually getting whistled for fouls. You earned that one. Wear it, meat.

Up next for Bucky: Purdue, a team that seems to have Bo's number. Five losses in a row?

2 comments:

FPMKE said...

Rolling on the floor laughing my FUCKING ass off!

Devil's Threesome said...

Mark Stewart = Joseph Goebbels

I was giddily laughing at BW3 while watching the game. JBo is such a child out there. Just getting OWNED.