Thursday, April 2, 2009

Let's Do A Thought Experiment.

Let's say you're a middling talent who writes a sports column for a small, generally shitty local newspaper. And let's say that, one day, you come up with A Really Fucking Dumb Idea in your column -- namely, that the local baseball team should trade its prodigiously talented, defensively challenged, Orca-fat first baseman for starting pitching.

(Please note: coming up with Really Fucking Dumb Ideas is nothing new for you, the middling talent who writes a sports column for a small, generally shitty local newspaper. In fact, some of your ideas have been so fucking dumb -- like this one, where you advocated a four-team basketball tournament involving Marquette, Madison, UWM and UWGB -- that the rag you write for has taken the post off its website, such that this particular Really Fucking Dumb Idea can only be found through an intensive Google search. But wait, you say. What was so dumb about that idea? I don't know. How 'bout the fact that UWM AND UWGB CAN'T PLAY IN THE SAME PRE-CONFERENCE TOURNAMENT BECAUSE THEY'RE IN THE SAME FUCKING CONFERENCE? I know it's a pretty hard concept, what with there being a clear-cut NCAA rule prohibiting this, and it taking all of 10 seconds to find that rule on the Interwebs, but still ...)


So you've got this Really Fucking Dumb Idea, and you write a column about it. It's poorly thought out, poorly researched, and poorly written. But, hey -- you were on deadline and wanted to get something in so you could move on to other pursuits, like mauling a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos or listening to the Marshall Tucker Band or trying to comb your hair so it doesn't resemble a fucking Brillo pad.

And then, a couple of months later, a floundering national magazine puts out its annual baseball preview issue, and included in the preview of the local baseball team is this nugget:

With yet another defensively challenged slugging prospect on the doorstep in 23-year-old Mat Gamel, it's time for Milwaukee to trade Prince Fielder. ... His perceived value will always be higher than his actual value, so the Brewers should dangle Fielder in a bid to upgrade their rotation significantly while plugging in Gamel at first base without losing much production.

Heavens! you, the shitty columnist, say to yourself. That's my idea! I wrote that two months ago!

Now ... not wanting to look any dumber than you've already shown yourself to be, you should probably move on quickly and quietly and hope that nobody remembers you touted this Really Fucking Dumb Idea first. After all, the fact that two people share a Really Fucking Dumb Idea doesn't make it a better idea. It just shows that there are a lot of dumb people.

Curiously, though, you take the opposite tack, chastising the magazine for stealing YOUR brainfart:

Until then, we're stuck amusing ourselves with Timothy Dolan getting a Brewers jersey as a parting gift. That'll teach 'em in New York for paying AIG bonus-type money for CC Sabathia when the archbishop wears it up and down First Ave.

Or reading where a national magazine is proposing that Prince Fielder be traded for starting pitching. A fresh, timely thought there, guys.

It's like he's doing my job for me. Thanks for the help, MikeHunt.


Rubie Q said...

I'm sorry, this proposed trade continues to drive me fucking insane. Here's an easy way to explain why it's so dumb, aside from the fact that we control Prince's rights for the next two years, aside from the fact that Prince is one year removed from hitting 50 bombs, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera:

MikeHunt (and apparently SI) are proposing that we trade Prince for pitching. Presumably, this means young, affordable, top-of-the-rotation guys. We can't afford to take on Peavy's contract or Bedard's contract (even if we wanted him) or anything like that.

As luck would have it, the Brewers have a young, affordable, top-of-the-rotation guy in Yovani Gallardo.

Ask yourself this question: what would a team have to give up for the Brewers to consider moving Yovani? A shit ton, right?

So why do we assume (and by "we," I mean MikeHunt and SI) that another team will fall all over itself trying to trade away a similar pitcher?


Devil's Threesome said...

Suggesting some potential pitchers would require too much work (read: research). In theory, trading Prince for a good, young pitcher is a great idea. Dig just a bit past that and there are a slew of reasons why it wouldn't work.
Kind of like saying you want bi-partisan support in Congress.

EMoney said...

Agreed - A smart man once said (actually he says it quite often), "ignorance is America's most expensive commodity". Case in point, the sports bubbler guy, Mike Hunt (I still can't believe he gets paid for that garbage), and the typical "local" sportsradio talkshow host (ie. 1250AM). These guys are morons. One of the few intelligent radio hosts, while many people don't like him, is Colin Cowherd. He always criticizes the local sports shows that talk about (example): "Hey, why doesn't Doug Melvin work a 3-way deal with the Yankees and Red Sox packaging Prince, JJ, and Doug Davis for an aging Alex Rodriguez, Joba Chamberlain, and Dustin Pedroia?"

Riiiiiight, why don't you ask Boston to throw in DiceK while you're at it. Great in theory, but let's be realistic here people.
These are the kinds of people that our taxes end up supporting. Morons.

Milwaukee, like EVERY other organization is looking for great young pitching.....and it comes with a price, maybe.

Devil's Threesome said...

WSSP was asking Ken Rosenthal yesterday if the Brewers are in the running for Sheff.

Ken's response: "Uh, well, where would he play?"

Swollen Tongue: "4th outfielder! Jelly beans! [whistling 'On Wisconsin'].

Ken: [Slightly uncomfortable pause] "The Tigers signed him exclusively as a DH last year. Maybe a NL team in dire need of RH hitting in a cozy ballpark, like the Reds, would be interested. But only for a platoon situation. [sigh]"

Rubie Q said...

He seriously asked if the MILWAUKEE BREWERS would be in the running for Gary Sheffield?

Mr. Closed Head Injury: please Google "Gary Sheffield" and "Milwaukee."

Devil's Threesome said...

He not only suggested it, he asked a follow-up question on it. I've had more lucid conversations with Alzheimer's residents in nursing homes.

Rubie Q said...

I half-expect Ellerson to start saying random, inane things ala Brick Tamland in "Anchorman":

"I pooped a candle."

"I love lamp."

"I ate some insulation. It wasn't cotton candy, like the man said."

"I stabbed a guy with a trident."

Devil's Threesome said...

"I serviced Barry Alvarez."
"Mike Wickett makes a great devil's threesome partner."

Oh wait, those just might be true.