Friday, April 17, 2009

So Madden is Out...

All I can say about that is: Gerablhorchrmph, baarohggh, Brett Favre there ya see, BOOM, agarreoabarlmgbamlr, turducken. Someone get me a telestrator.

So word on the street is that Cris Collinsworth is getting the gig alongside "Action" Al Michaels in the booth. It's the logical choice. But I got to thinking, maybe NBC should try and think outside the box. You know, like ABC did with Dennis Miller and then, to a lesser extent, Tony Kornheiser. Here are some of my thoughts on who I might like to hear calling games on Sunday nights this year, in no particular order:

1) Eric Dickerson - Remember his Mush Mouth act as a sideline reporter? Could you imagine the comedy value of Al rolling his eyes while Dickerson muddles through one inane sentence after another? It'd be off the charts.

2) Dane Cook - Sure his act has worn a little thin lately, but the man still amuses me. Imagine him confined within a booth, bouncing off the walls, doing all of his sound effects while calling the action. Then when Al actually asks him to analyze some aspect of the game, he'd be cornered by the fact that he knows nothing about sports and all he'd be able to say is, "Dude, the f*cking Redskins. Pssht."

3) Sifl and Olly - Sock puppets just aren't getting enough run these days

4) Christopher Walken - How much would you pay to hear Christopher Walken talk about football? I wish that I could find a way to type an attempt at a Walken impression. In order to better illustrate this, I want you all to imagine a breakdown of a Cover 2 defense done by Christopher Walken. I'm giggling to myself right now.

So that's my take. Chime in if you think you got something else. The possibilities are endless.


Master Reid said...

Shit, I just realized I used a period where a question mark should've been. Go easy on me Rubie.

Rubie Q said...

Watch this shit -- unlike the Llama, who, apparently, isn't able to edit his work after he types it, we've got the technology to fix that shit.


FPMKE said...

Dane Cook is a no talent ass clown. Frat humor and fart jokes don't require much in the way of delivery. He has done an excellent job filling movie roles written for Ryan Reynolds (write that down). "What's difference between peanut butter and jam?" you ask...

Christopher Walken would be classic. If he didn't know the answer to a question, he could just give that creepy stare into the camera and then make some sort of Dead Zone-esque premonition about the outcome of the game "I see a quarterback... it's 3rd down... there's a linebacker coming for him... if he doesn't move soon he's going to get sacked"

Devil's Threesome said...

I can't imagine any announcer would be entertaining enough to make me tune into an NFL game, but I'll give a couple of suggestions:
1) Charlie Steiner - I've been hooked since he announced a 21-6 Florida-Southern Mississippi football game in 1997 on espn2
2) Gary Thorne - quit wasting him with hockey!
3) Joe Morgan - he could say "I really haven't seen them play" for every team!
4) Don Cherry - why the fuck not people?

Devil's Threesome said...

Is it me or is Cris Collinsworth the snidest guy on TV? He's fucking lucky that he played when he did b/c he wouldn't get on the field at UW-Whitewater these days. Pencil-necked bitch.