Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Today's Rhetorical Question:

If you're trying to talk people off the ledge, but nobody was considering jumping in the first place ... have you accomplished anything?

I dunno, but erstwhile 'SSP "personality" Cliff Saunders is doing his damndest to prevent widespread panic after Rickie's season-ending injury:

I know that Brewers fans might be a little nervous right now. Nervous because of the news that came late yesterday afternoon.

I'm going to make the following point once, and then I'm never going to talk about it again. I realize that Cliff used to be in radio -- he might claim he's still in radio, since he's apparently doing solo podcasts that no one listens to -- and, for that reason, he tends to write in sentence fragments, like: "Nervous because of the news that came late yesterday afternoon."

If you said that on the radio, nobody would bat an eye, because that's how modern sports talk radio operates: you talk in short, concise bursts and repeat key words ("nervous") so you don't confuse your listeners (and your possibly brain dead co-host).

That said: you're writing now, dude. Most of us can handle a full sentence. Give 'em to us.

Rickie Weeks, who was off to the best start of his big league career, is done for the season because of a wrist injury that he suffered Sunday against St. Louis. But, I'm here to tell you it isn't time to panic.

(Looks around at fellow Brewers fans) Sorry -- are you talking to us? The Crew just completed back-to-back sweeps. We just took three from the Cardinals on the road. We're alone in first place. Why, exactly, are we supposed to be panicking?

Yeah, it sucks to lose Rickie, but it's not like anybody was saying: "Man, we really need Rickie to come up big, or we're fucked" when the season started. We were pulling for the guy, for sure, 'cuz he's got assloads of potential, and he seems like a dude who works hard at his craft, and he doesn't bitch publicly about losing playing time and shit like that. So, yeah, we feel terrible for Rickie, going down when it looked like he was finally starting to get it. But I don't think anybody's climbing the metaphorical bridge just yet.

Yes, Weeks was one of the reasons the Brewers were playing as well as they were playing.

Dude, they're still playing well. 8-4 last night against a team trying to fend off a sweep (at home).

But he wasn't the reason. The Brewers were playing well because a lot of things were going right.

(Looks around again) Cliff: who the fuck are you talking to? WE KNOW THIS.

The starting pitching is racking up quality start after qulity start. The bullpen has been more than solid since Trevor Hoffman got back fron his oblique injury. And the Brewers have been getting timely hits from a number of different players.

Who was your target audience here? People who haven't seen the team play, at all, this season? Anyone who has watched/read about/talked to someone who attended more than two games in the last two weeks knows why they've been playing better.

Lookit: when somebody writes a piece that purports to be an opinion column, I'm looking for that person to do three things. First, don't clusterfuck the sum'bitch grammatically. (I know, grammar hounds are annoying. But if you don't obey basic grammatical conventions, it makes your stuff incredibly difficult to read.) Second, be right about your facts. (Seriously -- the Internet has been around for more than 15 years. You can find almost any piece of information in less than 10 seconds.) And, third, remember Jim Rome's advice to his callers: Have a take, don't suck.

In fact, I don't give a shit about the second part: suck all you want; it makes it a hell of a lot more fun for me. But at least have a take. Regurgitating information that everybody already knows isn't going to put asses in the seats (so to speak). So, give me an opinion -- something, anything. And I promise to be your best friend for a week.

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