Monday, June 15, 2009

It's Time For The Annual...

"What the Fuck is Wrong With J.J. Hardy?" post.

Last year, 'round this time, I wrote this about James Jerry:

"JJ Hardy has regressed to the mean.

"Yeah, .251 / .324 / .370 with 5 homers seems about right, doesn't it? At least his defense is still top notch."

This year, following a putrid 0-28 stretch over the last seven games, J.J.'s sitting at .207 / .290 / .325, with 5 homers and 25 driven in.

I'm going to be honest -- wait, strike that. I hate people who preface statements with "I'm going to be honest..." or "I'm not going to lie to you..." If I ask you a question, and you start your response with: "Hey, Rubie, I'm not going to lie to you ...", doesn't that mean that you usually would lie to me? Or, that if you don't preface a statement with "I'm going to be honest," it means you're fucking lying to me?

Here, lemme show you:

Rubie to Hypothetical Person: "Hey, man, what you do think of my Dodge Stratus?"

Hypothetical Person: "Oh, it's fucking great, Rubie."

A Now-Agitated Rubie: "I'm going to punch you in the dick, you fucking cockhammer. Why did you lie right to my face?"

Hypothetical Person: "Whatever do you mean, Rubie? What have I done to offend you thusly?"

Rubie: "You didn't say 'I'm not going to lie to you,' and, if you're not going to lie to me, you typically announce, at the beginning of your statement, that you're not going to lie to me. You didn't tell me that you weren't going to lie to me, so, using my Lawyer Powers, I have systematically deduced that you are, in fact, lying to me. Hence, the dick punch."

See what I mean? (Please note that you should not feel bad at all if you don't see what I mean. I'm probably insane. And by "probably," I mean: I am insane.)


I can't work up the lather for a good J.J. Hardy bashing. Maybe it's the kinder, gentler Rubie who is trying not to live and die with every Brewer game (with mixed results), maybe it's the fact that my bald spot(s) are ridiculously sunburned and making thinking a tremendous chore today ... or maybe it's the fact that, immediately after I posted that thought about J.J. last year, he went on a 10-game tear where he raised his batting average 35 points while clubbing 7 homers.

Maybe it's just me. Am I alone here? Are people worried about J.J.?


FPMKE said...

I'm always concerned about JJ Hardy. Ever since the lady mentioned that her sister's "friend" might have gotten the scratchies from him I've been REALLY concerned. Especially since they have failed to produce said "friend".

Also, after riding in Mrs. Rubie's car, I have a new appreciation for the Stratus.

On another note, when I opened my bag (which was in the Jeep the whole damn time) to shower after tailgate, there was a bottle of SPF 15 right on top. In my infinite wisdom, I had thought far enough ahead to pack it but failed to make use of it. My red neck did not appreciate my tie this morning.

Sheets' Va Jay Jay said...

The rant worked! He got a hit last night.

Baby steps.