Fellas, I'm at a loss on this one. Every time I think the story can't get any more ridiculous, another detail comes out and I start shaking my head all over again.
I mean, you chose one thing from this list and tell me it's any more preposterous than the next one:
(1) Pitino shacks up with the woman in a swanky Louisville restaurant after the place has closed for the night, like he's freakin' Shane Falco in The Replacements.
(2) The woman contacts him two weeks later, says she needs to have an abortion but doesn't have the health insurance to pay for it, and Pitino forks over $3000 to foot the bill.
(3) The woman eventually marries Louisville's equipment manager. (Have you face-palmed yet?)
(4) The equipment manager submits a list of the woman's demands (ala George Bluth in Arrested Development: "These ... are my demands"), including $3000 per month (not for more abortions, presumably), two cars, and college tuition for her kids. Said demands lead to ...
(5) The woman being indicted by the Federalis for trying to extort Pitino.
(6) Pitino makes a public apology for his "indiscretion," and, for some reason, finds it necessary to reference 9/11 in the speech.
I mean: holy fuck. This thing reads like a three-episode arc of Mad Men. Say what you will about Crean (and I have said and will continue to say plenty): I don't think he's capable of something like this. (Though: Crean probably isn't the most alluring candidate to a woman looking to hook up with a basketball coach. I don't know that many women would be aroused by a man pacing furiously back and forth, clapping his hands and screaming: "Let's go! Let's go! LET'S GO!", which is how I imagine Tan Tommy performs in the bedroom.)