Friday, July 31, 2009

Gunt's Day Just Got A Whole Lot Better.

Peavy to the Pale Hose, says SI's Jon Heyman.

Yowza.

Brewers trade for Scott Farkas??

My bad, that's Claudio Vargas coming back to the Brewers for Vinny Rottino. I'm really excited to have Vargas back especially since he's spent tme on the DL this season with elbow tendinitis... he just screams "STOPPER!" and is probably exactly what we need to make a push for the playoffs.

Anyone Want to Drink Tonight?

My time on the East Side is drawing to a close. Does anyone (Reid, cough, Reid) want to hit up Brady Street and that place we always end up at tonight?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Bill Hall Being Sent To Live With Nice Farm Family Upstate.

And, according to Tom Haudicourt, Billy Brew says he asked to be sent to AAA so he could work on his swing. (Also: Hall says he's been taking the best batting practice of his life, which, as best I can tell, is the equivalent of saying that you've had a phenomenal week jerking off. Dude, who fucking cares if you're hitting the shit out of the ball in BP? You haven't done squat in game action for three goddamn months.)

If the whole "I asked to be sent down" thing is true, you just signed your own death certificate, m'boy, because there's no way in hell you're getting called up until rosters expand in September.

Your Monthly Tony Gwynn, Jr. Update.

About a month ago, Tony Gwynn, Jr. was the toast of the baseball world: after being freed from the insufferable prison that is the Milwaukee Brewers organization, Li'l Anthony came on like a bat out of hell for the Padres. His high water mark was June 21, when his slash stats stood at .348/.439/.467. In fact, TGJ's blazing start was so good that it caused an otherwise reasonable journalist named Tom Friend to temporarily lose his mind and write this.

And now, we present Act II, which we'll call: "Regressing to the Mean."

Since June 21, TGJ has gone .240/.291/.312, with 21 strikeouts and a single stolen base.

And yet: I am certain that the loud, vocal minority of fans who thought TGJ was Christ, Gandhi, and Ted Williams combined still will tell you that TGJ should be the Brewers centerfielder. There's just no convincin' some folk.

Bad Manny Enjoyed His Brief Vacation...

But it looks like he's back for good -- at least for this season.

Another game, another WHIP over 2.00, five walks -- with two coming with the bases loaded (on back-to-back hitters, no less), five earned in six innings, and one undeserved win. This comes on the heels of Manny's five-inning stinkbomb against the Braves, and after he walked the tightrope against the Reds, when he turned in a one-run effort but was constantly pitching out of trouble.

It's looking more and more likely that Manny's strong seven-inning, shutout effort against St. Louis in his first game back was the product of a Cardinals team that's exceptionally shitty against left-handed pitching (team totals vs. LHP: .231/.310/.361) rather than Parra getting his shit together at AAA.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Delusional or Flat Out Lying Meathead



[Photoshop courtesy of EDSBS.com]

Get a load of this tripe from Bret Bielema on JSonline.
http://www.jsonline.com/sports/badgers/51823662.html
I'm no Potrykus apologist, but at least he sort of called out the meathead in the article. (Any journalist who's handle on the Scout message boards is "potrykus" and then proceeds to use the platform to further fellate Bo Ryan and antagonize MU fans is a true professional).

Bret Bielema believes one of the factors preventing the University of Wisconsin from playing a marquee nonconference opponent during the regular season is the Badgers' home record.

My vote was that UW was a vagina, but I’ll listen.

Bielema reminded reporters Monday during the first day of the Big Ten Conference preseason football meetings that UW is a combined 30-3 at home over the last five seasons.

Impressive or not? Let’s take a look. Of those 33 games, UW had control over 13 non-conference home opponents. Those 13 teams combined for the following:
· 3 D1-AA teams including pesky Cal Poly
· 31-86 record (.265 - not counting the 1-AA teams)
· Zero bowls – nearly half the teams go to bowls every year
· Two winless seasons
· 1 major conference opponent – Washington St
Big 11 Opponents
· 20 opponents, only 5 were ranked at the end of the year
· 2-3 record against teams ranked at the end of the year

Overall opponent record over 5 years – 129-194 (.399).


Congrats on beating up on all of those lunkheads. I’m sure that USC, Oklahoma and company are shaking in their boots at that 30-3 record. This is the perfect Uncle Rico moment.

Meathead: USC is scared of Camp Randall, they won't play us!
Journalist: When did you last speak with them?
Meathead: I don't need to, I just know it, Pete Carroll is a tanned pussy.
Journalist: He's been pretty successful at USC...
Meathead: Want to watch me bench press 300 lbs while doing a beer bong?

"That really becomes evident when we try to schedule nonconference opponents and we try to go after a certain caliber of opponents," Bielema, 28-11 in three seasons as UW's head coach, said of the Badgers' home record since 2004. "In the beginning they start to get intrigued and they are interested in coming.

Is that why you backed out of the Va Tech series in 2008-2009?

“But when we start to talk about home-and-home…all of a sudden it's not as good a deal as they thought."

Those UW fans who want to see the non-league schedule upgraded probably won't buy that argument.
They know that none of UW's three home nonconference games in 2009 - Northern Illinois, Fresno State and Wofford - are against a team from a Bowl Championship Series league.
[Yawn]
UW has played just one regular-season nonconference game against a team from a BCS conference in the last three seasons. That was against visiting Washington State, from the Pacific 10, in 2007. [Pitiful]

Pacific 10 members Arizona State and Oregon State are scheduled to visit Madison in 2010 and 2011, respectively. Since 2004, Arizona State is a combined 38-24 and Oregon State is a combined 40-23.

During Barry Alvarez's tenure as UW head coach, the Badgers played home and away against schools such as Colorado, Oregon, Arizona, North Carolina and West Virginia.

The Badgers swept Arizona (in 2002 and '04), North Carolina (2003 and '05) and West Virginia (2002 and '03) and split with Oregon (winning in 2000 and losing in 2001).

In the past two decades – UW has played 11 non-conference games against Big 6 schools. Obviously, they are a big time program, Camp Randall is the best, jump around!

Colorado whipped UW in 1994 and '95, by a combined score of 98-24.

I really enjoyed those games. Big 8 pride, baby!

UW's last Big Ten title came in 1999. The Badgers' nonconference schedule that season featured home games against Division I-AA Murray State, Ball State and Cincinnati.

And they lost to Cincinnati.

Everybody's Buying??? Then Sell, Sell, Sell!!!

As I sat mortified watching the Chuck New Town experiment come to a disastrous end that surprised absolutely no one, I began searching frantically for my white flag. It's been obvious for a while now that this team just doesn't have the horses to make a legitimate run at the postseason this year. However, the division has been bad enough to keep the delusion alive this late into the year. The fact that the Brewers have so many games remaining against the dregs of the National League has also been pointed to as a ray of hope. Damn all of that. The past two performances by (the now mysteriously injured) Jeff Suppan and Johnny Wholestaff, and the subsequent thrashing by the 37-60 (37 and fucking 60!) Nationals have proved that the dream is now over and it's time to face reality.

So, now what? Obviously making some kind of blockbuster trade is not going to happen, or at least it shouldn't. Even if we do land some pitcher, I don't think it would even be enough to make a difference. So, I started taking inventory of what the Brewers could sell at the deadline. Surely, we must have some disposable parts that some alleged contender might want. What about Braden Looper? He's got 9 wins, he's only signed through this year for a pretty reasonable price. He's good enough to help bolster someone's rotation if they're looking to merely add depth. Also, he's been a late inning reliever, so he has the versatility to add bullpen depth as well. He's not a guy that's going to make or break a team's stretch run, but he could be a nice bargain for someone at the deadline. This would obviously create a hole in the rotation, but I wouldn't object to giving Dillard a shot to see what he could do. He pitched pretty well out of the pen for a while last year, he pitched well as a starter at Triple A this year, he's still young enough (just turned 26) to be considered a prospect, why not give him a shot at it. It's not like we have an overload of competent starting pitchers.

What about Trevor Hoffman? He might not be happy about it, but I think he might be the most tradeable commodity. Any team looking for bullpen help would have to consider the all-time saves leader if the price was right. He's not the Hoffman of old but he's shown himself to still be a reliable closer, and could look good for a lot of teams trying to figure out how to bridge the gap between the starters and their closer.

I'd love to think that some team may be interested in Jeff Suppan for his "veteran presence", "pitching savvy" and/or "playoff experience". Or maybe they'd like to acquire Bill Hall for his "defensive versatility". But sadly, like the Brewers in the playoffs, I don't think those dreams are coming true this year either.

Some other random thoughts from last night:

-To the fan in the row in front of me who insisted on bashing Fielder and calling him a "fat ass" over and over: Shut the fuck up!! If you feel like ragging on someone, the guy that's 2nd in the NL in damn near every offensive category and would be the leading NL MVP candidate if not for the beast called Pujols, is probably not the best place to start.... Hefty though he may be.

-If the Jim Rome Show has taught us anything, it's that "You suck" is not a take. Shouting at players that they "suck" just makes you sound like an ass. You know what, Carlos Villanueva did suck last night, and has sucked for quite sometime. That isn't news. If you want to berate players, at least try to do it in a manner that is creative and witty enough to make those around you do more than just look at you and roll their eyes.

Hello?



Where is everybody? The Brewers are collapsing, Favre hangs up his spurs (for the next week, anyway), there's talk of trading Weeks for Jarrod Washburn ... and yet, the Buffet sits silent.

Was it something I said?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Wait, What?

Didn't you get that memo? This isn't how it plays out; you're supposed to come back and lead the Vikings to a 9-7 record and break the team's back down the stretch.

We had this all planned out. WTF happened?

As Eddie Vedder Once Sang: "Release Me."

Here's the thing:

When your team signs a pitcher to a $12-million-per-year contract, you expect the guy to be a stopper -- to be able to stave off a potential losing streak and, conversely, to be able to get the team kickstarted on a string of wins. It can't happen every time the guy takes the ball, for sure, but when your team really needs the $12-million-per dude -- like, say, when your team hasn't won a series since June, and it's days before the trading deadline, and the worst team (by far) in baseball is coming to town for a critical four-game set -- you'd like him to answer the bell.

Jeff Suppan hasn't done that since ... fuck, I don't know if Jeff Suppan has ever come up big in a crucial spot for the Brewers. Instead, he strolls out to the mound armed with his 86-mph fastball and 84-mph change-up, and, while attempting to "pitch to contact," still manages to walk four guys per nine innings and ultimately -- predictably -- almost laughably -- gets cuffed around the park. He nearly put an end to the Brewers' playoff run last with a miserable September performance, he put an emphatic end to the Brewers' first playoff appearance in 25 years, and, last night, he turned in what can only be described as one of the most unforgivable starts in the history of the franchise -- 10 runs, all earned, in 5.1 innings against a team that's nearly 40 games under .500 with two months left in the season.

Now, because of his albatross contract, the Brewers have no choice but to keep running Suppan out there every fifth day, despite the fact that there's about a ten percent chance he's going to pitch seven innings (a spectacular feat he's accomplished twice in twenty-fucking-one starts), despite the fact that he's walking the tightrope in damn near every inning thanks to his absurd 1.70 WHIP, and, perhaps most damningly of all, despite the fact that his 2009 stats are now nearly the mirror image of Ruben Quevedo's 2002 season. Yes, you read that right -- this year, Jeff Suppan is putting up the same numbers as the namesake of this stupid blog, a guy who is universally recognized as one of the most atrocious pitchers to ever put on a Brewers uniform. He's been that bad.

In fact, that's probably a good place to end this post, since I can propose no answers to this maddening dilemma. Suppan sucks, we're stuck with him for another year, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Happy Tuesday, everybody!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Does It Get Any Better Next Year?

I don't have time to put in the research that this post deserves, so lemme get right to the point:

The main reason I've seen advanced for not making a move for Halladay or Cliff Lee (or Bedard, I guess, though it doesn't seem like the Mariners are much interested in trading him anymore, seeing as it'd be a giant middle finger to their fans -- edit: I should really check the standings before I write stuff, since the M's are 7.5 games out in the West ... and, to put a cherry on top of this uninformed sundae, Bedard's shoulder is barking again and he's back on the DL) is that this Brewers team, as currently constituted, isn't a starting pitcher away from winning the division or making the playoffs. In fact, that's a reason I've advanced m'self. And following the 4-6 start to the post-All Star game schedule, it's hard to dispute that argument.

The alternative, it follows, is to stand pat (or try to dump Hardy or Hart on some unsuspecting team), build around the core of the team, and take aim at the 2010 season.

My question: will the 2010 team be in any better position to make a run than the '09 team?

According to Cot's, we've got about $38 mil committed for next year -- with the bulk of it going to Suppan (a 4.75 ERA and 1.50 WHIP, yours for $12.75 million!), Prince (a relative steal at $11 million), and Bill Fucking Hall's $8.525 million anchor. (An aside: did anybody else read this preposterous piece on Hall in Sunday's Journal-Sentinel? Fucking hell: if Bill Hall could hit a curveball as well as he makes excuses, he never would have lost his starting job.) Braun is signed through '15, and we're stuck with Riske's contract for another year. Plus, Hart, Hardy, Weeks, Rivera, Bushie, Coffey, Villanueva, and McDouche are arbitration eligible. Add in Yo, Parra, Gamel, DiFelice, and Stetter -- who aren't yet arby eligible -- and we've got, in my estimation, the following positions locked down:

First base - second base - shortstop (be it Hardy or Escobar) - third base (and it better be fucking Gamel, unless Hart gets dealt) - left field - right field, plus 4/5 of the rotation and about five arms in the 'pen.

That leaves glaring holes at catcher, center field, and closer, and we'll need at least one additional starting pitcher, too.

Peruse the 2010 free agent list at your leisure, but be forewarned: there ain't a whole lot there, especially at catcher and in center.

So: if you want to stand pat now, who do you think the Crew should make a run at in the off-season? (Or: do you find yourself thinking like me -- that, in terms of making another playoff run, we're probably screwed this year, and next year isn't looking that great, too?)

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Let's Get It Started...


I took this picture a week or so ago. A little inside, but it's funny none the less.

Your Bayliner sucks!

Go Brewers!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Uh Oh...

It appears as though the Cardinals are gassing up the Enola Gay and getting ready to drop the big one on the NL Central. Baseball insider, and know-it-all wiener, Ken Rosenthal is reporting that the Cards are close to consummating a deal to acquire Matt Holliday from Oakland. This has been rumored for a while now, but it seems that they've actually narrowed it down to a few specific prospects. Usually when it gets to that point, something is going down. That's bad news for any team that has even the most remote hopes of winning the division this year. Can you imagine the horror of having to watch the Brewers' pitching staff have to navigate Pujols-Holliday-Ludwick 4 times a game. Agh!! Shield your eyes kiddies.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

More Waffling, From Your Favorite Waffler.

Remember when MikeHunt wrote this back in January:

So, yes, the Brewers should avoid delaying the inevitable by trading Fielder as soon as a sensible opportunity presented [sic] itself.

And then, two months later, he chided Sports Illustrated for stealing his idea about trading Prince?

Or reading where a national magazine is proposing that Prince Fielder be traded for starting pitching. A fresh, timely thought there, guys.

Well, Mike's singing a different tune now -- this was buried in his chat on JSOnline yesterday:

As for Prince, I'd hang on to him until the '11 trading deadline.

Funny how a .313/.438/.614 line -- with 24 homers and 86 driven in -- can change your opinion about a guy, eh, Mike?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dave Kerwin, Getting Mad Press...

on the internets.

Walkoff Walk had this to say about Jason Kendall

While Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke thought it was pretty awesome.

Since I gave up on the game after the 2nd inning, my favorite tidbit of info was that Fielder had to pick Kendall up to remove him from the melee.

Kendall sounds like a ravenous lunatic and I love it.

This Is Why It's Nice To Have Jason Kendall Around.

Sure, his batting average won't sniff .260, and his slugging percentage will be around .350 (edit: that number, apparently, was exceptionally generous, since Kendall's currently slugging .283), and he'll never ask out of a game, even when he's beaten up and could probably use a rest, but, if Kendall wasn't on the team, you wouldn't get quotes like this.

Asked what he said to Pirates Cunt-Nugget Supreme Jeff Karstens after Karstens got drilled to lead off the eighth inning and started barking at Chris Smith, Kendall responded:

"I just told him to go to first base or go to the pitcher," Kendall said. "It's baseball. There's no need to sit there and talk and this and that."

As David Bowie would say: that's Old School Rules right there, baby. Take your base, or go throw hands with the pitcher. I don't much give a fuck either way, but don't just stand here talking about it.

Monday, July 20, 2009

A Vignette.

In case anyone still needed convincing, the Brewers conclusively showed, in the top of the fifth inning of tonight's game, why it would be a waste of time, effort, and resources to try to land a pitcher like Roy Halladay in a trade.

So: runners on first and third, nobody out, with the meat of the order coming up, down 6-2, but in prime position to get right back into the game.

And the Crew goes: duckfart pop-out by Braun (who must be hurt, since there's no other logical explanation for his craptacular performance over the last two weeks), comebacker by Fielder, and harmless fly ball by Cameron.

Brilliant.

At this point, the evidence is almost overwhelming: we're an 81-win team, and it's folly to think otherwise. Get Gamel back up here right fuckin' now and plant him at third, and it might not be a bad idea to put Escobar on the next plane from Nashville, too.

(Oh, and as I'm typing this: Macha just sent Bill Hall up to pinch hit against a right-handed pitcher. Three pitches, two pitiful swings, strikeout, DIE.)

I Don't Have Time To Do The Research To Back Up My Rage ...

So I'm just gon' say it:

What the fuck does Mat Gamel have to do to convince Melvin and Macha he should be the everyday third baseman?

When he's gotten a couple days' run, he's been solid-to-really-good. The defense hasn't been a major issue. He's another power bat, he's a lefty, and he hits lefties. He's struck out too much, for sure, but so did Braun and Fielder when they first came up.

Point is: he's good. He's getting better. He should be on the big-league team.

Lopez Anyone??

No chatter about the deal for Felipe Lopez? I thought ya'll would be all over that by now. You want my take? Tough shit, I'm giving it to you anyways. I love this deal. It will hopefully provide a little continuity at the top of the order. And if the Crew isn't going to be getting any pitching, they're going to have to score more runs. Hopefully, having a consistent lead-off guy will help that cause tremendously. It also strengthens the bench by allowing Counsell to move back to a utility roll, be a defensive replacement and provide something that at least resembles a compotent pinch hitter. Then, once you realize that means there's one more infielder in between Bill Hall and the field, it looks like an awesome deal. I think it's pretty hard to make an argument against this deal, but I'm sure there are a few who will try.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Notre Dame Douchebaggery

After another brilliant post on EDSBS, some ND guy has to swing into the comments section and act like...well...an ND guy. I couldn't resist the response.
http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2009/07/17/the-digital-viking-edsbss-guide-to-spicy-living-6/comment-page-1/#comment-351682

20
Domer Guy says:
Holly and Orson – have you guys been following me?
In the last three weeks I have (1) dined at Batali’s NYC pizza joint, Otto (try the Vongole – clams, garlic, and mozzarella); (2) wrecked a plate of foie gras; (3) dominated a Chicago dog at a Cubs game.
Oh, and the tequilla makes its appearance in about an hour, the 36 Chambers shortly thereafter. SHAME ON A N****!!!
July 17th, 2009 at 3:49 pm

22
Husker4MU says:
@20
You are one “Brah” short of completing the Notre Dame sterotype, quite disappointing.
July 17th, 2009 at 4:01 pm

Thursday, July 16, 2009

On Life Goals.


Tomorrow, Mrs. Q and I are re-locating The House of Q a few miles to the north. Sadly, this means that we'll no longer be a fifteen minute walk away from Miller Park.

When we moved to our current digs about 20 months ago, I made all of you a promise: since I was living so close to Miller Park, I would do everything in my power to make sure that Ned Yost got canned. Happily, as I write this, Ned Yost is not only no longer the manager of the Brewers -- the only way dude's getting anywhere near a major league baseball stadium is to buy a bleacher seat.

You're welcome, friends. You're welcome, Brewers. You're welcome, world.

(Tip o' the cap to Mrs. Q for the mad PhotoShop skillz.)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

D3's 10 Best List

Here's my list. They don't have to be annual, but these are the events that I look forward to the most.
  1. First weekend of the NCAA Tournament - there's a reason I always take these days off work and played hookie as a youngster, the NCAAs rule
  2. First weekend of the college football season - the world's best sport and I only get it 14 days out of the year. The only thing keeping this from #1 is that the Week 1 matchups are usually pretty weak
  3. Marquette - Wisconsin - I hate me some rodent!
  4. MLB Opening Day/Brewers Home Opener - even if they aren't on the same day, I count them as one
  5. Marquette Madness - the opening game is usually a dud and this event is fairly anti-climatic, but it's the closest thing we have to a college basketball kick-off
  6. January 1 - it used to be so much better, but they moved several games
  7. Winter Olympics - Summer Olympics suck
  8. Marquette Schedule Announcement Day - I fucking LOVE to dissect the schedule and I anticipate this all summer. Yes, I live a sad and meager existance
  9. Super Bowl - I hate the NFL, but the Super Bowl has been great over the last 10 years, the commercials are fun and I love the eating!
  10. College World Series - the Nebraska homer in me comes out

I've really reduced my sports watching to three sports: college football and basketball and MLB. Nothing else really interests me. Tennis could if I gave it more of a try.

Va Jay Jay's List...

Following SBTG's lead, I thought I would post my list of must see sporting events. His evoked a lot of discussion and dismantling, so now we'll see what I can do. We should all really post one. And this is either in person or on television.

1. Opening weekend of NCAA Men's Tourney
2. MLB Playoffs and World Series
3. Brewers' Home Opener
4. Super Bowl
5. Marquette vs. Wisconsin
6. MLB All Star Game and Home Run Derby
7. Final Four and National Championship Game
8. Any 18 hole playoff in golf (aka US Open)
9. Packers' Season Opener
10. Sunday of The Masters

Not a perfect list and it was hard to come with a couple of those spots.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Mid-Summer Classic...

As Reid and I were exchanging emails about how cool the All-Star game is it got me thinking about what my favorite sporting events are and events I make sure I watch. Here's my top 10:

List amended Monday to deal with inconsistencies in rules. No longer just events I make sure I watch, but events I want to attend/watch.

1. Sunday at the Masters
2. Brewers Opening Day
3. Marquette/Wisconsin Basketball
4. Opening Weekened of NCAA Tourney
5. Final Four Weekend (Semi-finals and championship game)
6. Super Bowl
7. World Series (and ALCS/NLCS)
8. MLB All Star Weekend (Derby and All Star Game)
9. Sunday at the US Open
10. Daytona 500

Honorable Every 2 Years Mention: Olympics - I agree with Reid...I can't get enough Olympics when they are on.

Are we sure this wasn't in Madison?

Let the hilarity ensue.

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSTRE5683O720090709

Hey, FPMKE ...

Did you come up on Friday and not tell anybody about it?

I'm just askin' because I saw this story this morning, and ... well, I think you got some 'splainin' to do.

Monday, July 13, 2009

SKITTLES FOR EVERYBODY!

Congratulations to Prince Fielder for leading the Home Run Derby with (by my count) four cursing fits that necessitated use of the seven-second delay button. That was certainly an impressive showing.

Oh, and apparently he hit a bunch of home runs, too.

(Seriously -- I can understand a time, or maybe two. But how do you forget you're miked up that many times? Plus, you've got a gaggle of six-year-olds sitting fifteen feet away watching you hit.)

((Note to note: Mrs. Q was quick to point out that, were I ever asked to participate in a home run derby -- which, in itself, is a hilarious proposition, if you've ever seen me take batting practice for a softball game -- I would be dropping f-bombs and seawards every time I hit a ground ball. This is unquestionably fucking true. Also: shit cock ass Barbra Streisand.))

Based On This Quote ...

I wouldn't at all be surprised to see Bill Hall land on the 15-day DL with "delusions of grandeur": according to Adam McCalvy, Hall says he considers himself the best third baseman in the league.

That's just one of many curious quotes from your $6 million defensive-replacement third baseman, who also described a closed-door meeting with his bosses thusly:

"It wasn't a bad meeting, it wasn't a good meeting. It was just a meeting," Hall said. "We talked about baseball. It was just a discussion."

Enlightening that the conversation was about baseball; here I thought K-Mach would invite Hall to his office to hear his review of Bruno.

(Tip o' the cap to Brew Crew Ball.)

Friday, July 10, 2009

That's It.

I've held my pessimistic side at bay for as long as I can. Old Rubie's back, and he's got some shit to get off of his chest:

FUCK THIS TEAM.

For the last week, all we've heard is this bullshit about trying to land Roy Halladay. Thankfully, the fucking incompetent shits put an end to that nonsense tonight, showing that, at best, this is a middling .500 team. Fuck, this group would be lucky to be within shouting distance of the wild card leader at the end of August.

There are two Jeff Suppans in the starting rotation (one is named Jeff Suppan, the other is named Braden Looper), and we've employed two fucking Jorge Julios in the first half of the season. One (the Original George) got himself cut after putting up an ERA near 7.00; the other -- who's got all of the real Jorge Julio's gas can qualities, except he doesn't have a 93 mph fastball -- is certain to be DFA'ed tomorrow, if he hasn't been already. (In fact, you could say that Carlos Villanueva finally lived up to his name tonight: after allowing the Dodgers to put up six runs in the 10th, there's no question Chuck will be pitching in a New fucking Town in the near future.)

Our manager sees fit to have an 83-year-old catcher leading off (Earth to Macha: the version of Jason Kendall that had an OBP over .350 stopped playing baseball FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO). We're carrying three fucking third basemen on the roster; one is being paid $6 million a year to be an occasional ninth-inning, defensive replacement, the second is -- alright, fine, McGehee's been a nice surprise, and the third -- who's just a talented left-handed hitter in a line-up that features one regular left-handed batter -- apparently has to give Ken Macha a fucking ZJ to see any kind of consistent playing time.

Our closer's fastball tops out at about 84 mph, which makes it all the more asinine when Brian Anderson compliments an opposing hitter for "staying back" on Hoffman's change-up. Uh, Brian? When the dude doesn't throw any harder than 84 mph, all the hitter ever has to do is stay back. For Christ's sake, the batter could finish a fucking Sodoku in the time it takes Hoffman's fastball to get to the fucking plate. (In related news: yeah, it's not really a shock that the Padres let Trevor walk after last year. The shocking thing is that we've gotten conned out of $15 million over the last two years by used-up change-up specialists.)

Our rightfielder began the season showing more plate discipline, which seemed to be a wonderful thing, until it became apparent that his new-found patience came at the expense of him actually being able to hit the fucking ball. Our original second baseman can't swing a bat without his wrists asploding. And, to top it all off, our leftfielder feels his talents are better used as an assistant general manager than as, you know, the best player on the team.

So, yeah: this has all the makings of a team that's one 32-year-old former Cy Young winner away from a deep run in the post-season. GodfuckingdammitalltoSouthBend.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Official Manny Parra Perfect Game Thread

Let's all discuss Manny's greatness as he tries to finish out his perfect game. 6 outs down, only 21 more to go!!!

Is something brewing?

To continue the trade talk... This is the second day in a row with Hart on the bench. Franky C ain't that good. So what's up?

Did I somehow miss that he's hurt?

Is he in the doghouse?

Or is he really going to be traded.

In his last appearance he was 3 of 4 at the plate. Normally not numbers that warrant a couple game rest.

Waiting for a mid-game trade announcement for some reason...

Whatever it takes for Halladay

The latest inane JSOnline poll asks the question: Should the Brewers trade Mat Gamel, Alcides Escobar, and Brett Lawrie for Roy Halladay? The options are "Yes", "No", and "It doesn't matter because the Brewers don't have any pitching prospects". The obvious answer is C, but for the sake of discussion let's kick this around a little.

Would you trade your top 3 prospects (According to Baseball America), one of whom is contributing at the big league level alread and another who's knocking on the door, for a 32 year old former Cy Young winner?

The other question is does adding that guy make you a World Series caliber team? When I was trying to warm up VJJ to the idea of the Sabathia deal last year, I pointed out the fact that with Sheets (stop laughing, the guy started the All-Star game last year) and Sabathia at the top of the rotation you weren't just looking at a team that could make the playoffs, but a team that could get to a World Series. And because of that it was worth parting with the cream of the crop in the farm system. Do you think that this deal (as theoretical and far fetched as it is) could have that kind of impact? Let's go to the phones...

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Our favorite mustached umpire has a history of blown calls!




How long until he gets canned? Unless they have tenure or some shit like that I'd say soon because a professional ump should never blow calls like he did last night and against the Braves (see link below). I like how the Braves commentators noted how quickly he tossed people because he knew he blew the call too. If the umps actually think they got it right they might take a little more shit, especailly when all the Crew coaches were doing was yelling from the dugout. Looks like that blown call led to the game winning hit on the very next pitch.

http://mlb.mlb.com/media/video.jsp?content_id=5177579&c_id=atl

Cub Fan Stupidity Starts Young

I shouldn't be this tough on a 10 year old, but, ah hell, he's a Cubs fan. Welcome to a lifetime of booing your own team in the playoffs and relieving yourself of $300 every time you go to a game. Tip o' the cap to FPMKE.

Karma Catches Up With Ryan Dempster's Jackassery.

Let this be a lesson to all you kids who would consider trying to hop the dugout railing to celebrate an easy, six-run victory: karma doesn't look kindly on that shit. Ryan Dempster is out for at least a month after breaking his big toe while attempting to celebrate the Cubs 8-2 win over the Brewers on Sunday.

The best line in the Trib's write-up, though, is this one:

The Cubs can't rush Dempster back before he's fully healed, knowing the consequences. In 1937, pitching legend Dizzy Dean broke a toe after being hit by a line drive off the bat of Earl Averill in the All-Star Game. He tried to come back too soon, altered his pitching motion, developed bursitis and never regained his fastball, turning into a junkball pitcher.

Yep, I'm sure there are a bunch of people on the Cubs training staff who remember the problems they had when they rushed Dizzy Dean back. They're all over 100 years old, and they're legally blind, and they drink their dinner through straws, and they're terrified of airplanes and aliens coming to harvest their organs ... but still -- they remember.

It's official...

I recognize it still says "probable" but it's on the Brewers.com site so it has to be pretty close to true. A good chance that we won't have to see Parra at D3S's day of drunken dabauchery. Not sure that Burnsy is going to put on much of a show either. BTW, my belt is all set.


Thursday, July 9 Miller Park | 1:05 PM CT

Joel Pineiro, RHP (6-9, 3.39) Cardinals (46-39)@Manny Parra, LHP (3-8,7.52)Brewers (43-40)


Scouting Report:
Cardinals: Coming off his first no-decision of the season, Pineiro at least finally remembers what it's like to have some runs scored when he pitches. He has been far better than his record would indicate, having stuck doggedly to a strategy of pounding sinkers down in the strike zone. Pineiro has been better at home than on the road, but if he can pitch a good game at Great American Ball Park -- which he did on Friday -- he can pitch a good game just about anywhere.
Brewers: Key on the word "probable" in "probable pitcher" for now, because the Brewers have yet to make this assignment official. But Parra was removed from the list of upcoming pitchers for Triple-A Nashville on Tuesday in a pretty clear indication that the Brewers were poised to recall him to the big leagues. Parra was 3-7 with a 7.52 ERA in 13 starts before the Brewers demoted him to Nashville after a loss to the White Sox on June 13. In four Triple-A starts, he went 1-2 with a 2.92 ERA, including seven scoreless innings at Round Rock on Friday.

Saturday, July 11 Miller Park | 6:05 PM CT

Jeff Weaver, RHP (5-2, 3.32) Dodgers (53-30) @ Mike Burns, RHP (1-2, 5.57)Brewers (43-40)



Scouting Report:
Dodgers: It might be Weaver. At least that's what manager Joe Torre said Sunday after Eric Milton, tentatively set for the job, was placed on the disabled list. Primarily a long reliever this year, Weaver had been a starter throughout his career and he's handled four spot starts this year with a 2-0 record and 3.15 ERA. Weaver has never faced the Brewers.
Brewers: Burns gets at least one more shot after a poor outing last weekend in Chicago, when he surrendered seven runs without escaping the fifth inning of an 8-2 loss to the Cubs. It was that game which promoted outfielder Ryan Braun to make his well-publicized call for the Brewers to acquire pitching help. But Burns was much better in his previous start against the Mets at Miller Park, allowing only two runs in 6 2/3 innings in a win over Johan Santana.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

One Hot Mess.

Tonight, I got to see the Crew sleepwalk through a 5-0 beatdown at the hands of the Cardinals. Maybe it was the fact that I went to the game after a shitty day at work, maybe it was the righteous case of heartburn I was battling, or maybe it was the flock of Cardinals' fans sitting behind me -- including a couple of four-year-olds who were screaming "STWIKE OUT!" at every Brewers hitter and "HOME WUN!" for every Cards batter -- but I think, when we close the books on this season, July 7 is going to go down as one of the worst (if not the worst) days of the year.

Consider:
  • The Braun-Melvin feud, which, based on No. 8's half-hearted "apology" (which, I was thrilled to see, featured the playing of the infamous "what I said was taken out of context" card) before the game, doesn't appear to be goin' away any time soon.
  • YoGa staking the Cards to a three-run lead before I could even get to my seat. (As Sheets' Va Jay Jay texted during the game: "Yo was the only one Braun wasn't talking about. Guess he felt left out.")
  • The Brewers loading the bases in the second with one out, only to have Cameron literally run into a chopper off the bat of Kendall. Just a magnificently brain-dead play; it wasn't like the ball came off the bat like a rocket and Cam couldn't get out of the way. No, it was a high chopper, and he ran into it. You don't often see that outside of Little League.
  • Aside from that second inning (where he threw 23 pitches), here's the number of pitches Adam Wainwright threw in each inning: 13, 13, 11, 14, 9, 14, 10, 14. Way to make him work, fellas.
  • Sveumy AND Willie Randolph getting run by the clearly-overmatched home plate ump, who called Yo out on an absurd check-swing in the bottom of the second (without asking for assistance from the first base ump) but then refused to even ask the first base ump for help when Pujols made a similar check-swing in the top of the third.
  • And, last and certainly least, Manny Parra apparently getting called back up. Hopefully, he starts on Wednesday and not on Saturday during D3S's bachelor party. If he gets the ball on Saturday, and a liquored-up Rubie Q is in attendance ... well, I can make no promises.
What a great day. I'm going to bed.

Todd Welter Has No Time For Your Precious 'Facts.'

Brief recap: Internet buzz says Brewers are looking at trading for Javier Vazquez. Doug Melvin dispels rumors. Todd Welter, for some reason, feels compelled to say: "Don't do it" anyway:

Doug, please keep it that way. Do not make this out to be general manager speak where you are trying to hide interest to keep the asking price down. You would be better off throwing Seth McClung and Mike Burns out there every five days.

That's our Benchmark of Crazy in Toddles' latest and greatest, friends: it's better to use two guys who, respectively, have career ERAs at or near 5.50, with WHIPs north of 1.50, one of whom is a 30-year-old journeyman who'd never started a major league game before this year, and the other who's failed to get into the fifth inning in either of his starts this season ... we'd rather have them than a guy with a career 4.26 ERA who averages 218 innings pitched a year and sports a career K-per-9 rate of 8.1 (and averages around 50 walks a year).

But hold on: it gets better.

If you think this guy can help in a pennant race, just ask any Yankees or White Sox fan and he-or-she will tell you just how helpful he can be.


Well, I won't ask a Yankees fan, because I'd rather not be subjected to five minutes of said Yankees fan talking about Jeet-ah before we even get on the subject of Javy Vazquez. But, I like Sox fans. Some of my best friends are Sox fans. So, do tell, Todd: what will my Sox Friend have to say about Vazquez?

Let's see a 10.34-career ERA in the playoffs and 18 earned runs in 15.2-playoff innings pitched.

Oh. Well, his post-season stats really don't speak to his ability to help us in a regular season pennant race. I mean, if that was the criteria, you would have told me we shouldn't trade for CC last year, because he's been infamously shitty in the post-season. Plus, you're asking me to judge a guy who's thrown over 2300 major league innings based on how he's done in 15 innings in October. So: how 'bout some of those regular season stats?

He was real helpful to the White Sox down the stretch last season with a 5-9 record in the second half of 2008 including a 6.25 ERA in September.


Ah. OK. To be fair, those September numbers aren't very good. But they're really the product of three bad starts at the end of the month (including two starts made on three day's rest), when he went: 3.2 IP, 6 ER (that's the first three-day's-rest start); 4.0 IP, 5 ER; and 4.1 IP, 7 ER (that's the other three-day's-rest start). The only lesson I take from those numbers is: not everybody's CC Sabathia and can churn out great starts on three day's rest. (And, hell, even CC got lit up on his last three-day's-rest start against the Phils.)

Now, as for this 5-9 in the second half of '08 nonsense: boosted by those three awful late September starts, Vazquez's second-half ERA was 4.74. In the first half, it was 4.61. His WHIP went down from 1.364 in the first-half to 1.260 in the second, and his K-per-9 rate stayed the same: 8.7 in the first, 8.6 in the second. In the first half of the season, he was 7-7, in the second half, he was 5-9. Them's the breaks.

And, just for poops and giggles, here's Javy's second-half numbers in '07: 9-3, 3.84 ERA, 105 Ks, 24 BBs.

I do not care if he can strikeout hitters in bunches,

Um, I do.

he simply can not win when you need him to. Since 2000, he is 48-53 in the second half of the season.

Which is the only thing that matters, of course, for a pitcher. Winning means everything. Forget about the fact that, for his career, Javy's second-half ERA (4.16) is better than his first-half ERA (4.33) -- not to mention that, for his career, he's got a 3.87 ERA in September/October -- forget about the fact that his K-per-9 rate and WHIP are remarkably consistent from first-half to second-half, forget about the fact that he's got more complete games and more shut-outs in his career in the second-half of the season than the first-half of the season. F all that noise, brahs. F all that noise in it's stupid A-S-S. 48-53. That's it and that's all.

That stat is padded when he went 9-2 in the second half of 2001. Take that away and you got a guy that fades down the stretch worse than a 60-1 odd horse.


And the 9-3 mark in the second-half of '07. You know, if you're inclined to cite such numbers.

The real beef Cap'n Welter seems to have with Vazquez is that he's too laid back -- that, when Ozzie Guillen lit into him last year for not being a "big game" pitcher, Vazquez responded (I'm paraphrasing) that he wasn't all that worried about changing a crazy person's perception of him. Apparently, Toddles would've preferred it if Javy tipped over the post-game spread and told Ozzie to go fuck himself, and shaved lightning bolts into his hair and got barbed wire tattoos on both arms, all followed by a dominating, complete-game 2 hitter with 18 strikeouts.

Of course, some players aren't programmed that way. Some players don't want a fire lit under their ass by a maniac like Ozzie. Some players just put up good and sometimes great numbers year in and year out, and would be a welcome addition to a pitching staff that, as of this writing, has four guys who can barely be counted on to work five innings in a game. I'd like some of those players on my team.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Evoking memories of Denny Hocking's classic "I'm feuding with someone on this team" hissy fit in the '02 play-offs, Doug Melvin reported to King of All Brewers Media Tom Haudricourt that he's "ticked off" at Ryan Braun after Braun pointed out that the Brewers can't expect to contend for the post-season with Mike Burns and McDouche taking the ball every fifth day.

For some reason, rather than addressing Braun in the clubhouse or his office or at Braun's next Remetee launch party or ANYWHERE BUT THE FUCKING NEWSPAPER, 'Stache, who's apparently an ardent supporter of the "two wrongs make a right" philosophy, decided it was a good idea to publicly air his gripes about his 25-year-old leftfielder.

Now, hear this: I'm not saying that Braun was right to toss Burns and McDouche, specifically, and the entire pitching staff, generally, under the bus on Sunday, even though what he said is what we've all been thinking for the last month. That kind of stuff is best addressed in-house, not in print.

That said: Braun made his comments after an 8-2 drubbing at the hands of a bitter rival, in a game where the Crew's starting pitcher put the team in a hole before the hitters could get the tops off of their tins of Skol. And that game came on the heels of McDouche's meltdown on Friday -- the one where Big Red proved, conclusively, that it's difficult to be an effective starting pitcher if you've only got one pitch. So, fine: Braun was pissed on Sunday, and he's 25 and, truth be told, a bit of cockbag. (And: he's gone .326/.409/.557 this year; OPS+ 155.)

Melvin, on the other hand, had a day to stew on Braun's comments before he talked to Haudricourt. He's 56, and he's Canadian, and he's got a pushbroom mustache. (The last two things have nothing to do with the point I'm making. I just like Canadians with pushbroom mustaches.) He's also responsible for saddling the Brewers with Suppan's albatross contract, and for giving Looper $5 million, both of which are going to make it difficult for the Crew to make a trade during the season. (Again: this really has nothing to do with the point I'm making. I'm just pissed off about both of those deals.) He's been a GM for (roughly) 85 years, and he's dealing with the media -- on things ranging from injuries to trade rumors to call-ups -- on a daily basis.

Long story short: Melvin should know better than to continue a verbal slap fight with one of his star players in the papers. Nothing good is going to come of this.

Monday, July 6, 2009

All Star Teams - Actual vs. Projected

Incorrect Picks in italics, analysis to come later in comments

AL Starters (8)
c - Joe Mauer - Twins
1b - Justin Morneau – Twins (named reserve)
2b - Ian Kinsler – Rangers 2b Dustin Pedoria, Red Sox
ss - Jason Bartlett – Rays (named reserve)
3b - Evan Longoria - Rays
of - Jason Bay - Red Sox
of - Torri Hunter – Angels (named reserve)
of - Jonny Damon - Yankees

AL Reserves (12)
c - Victor Martinez - Indians
c - AJ Piersynksi - White Sox Curtis Granderson, Tigers
1b - Mark Texiera – Yankees (named starter)
1b - Miguel Cabrera – Tigers Adam Jones, Orioles
1b - Kevin Youkillis - Red Sox
2b - Aaron Hill - Blue Jays
ss - Derek Jeter - Yankees
3b - Alex Rodriguez – Yankees Michael Young, Rangers
of - Ichiro Suzuki – Mariners (named starter)
of - Carl Crawford – Rays (named starter)
of - Nick Markakis – Orioles Josh Hamilton, Rangers
of - Matt Holiday - A's Curtis Granderson, Tigers

AL Pitchers (13)
sp - Zach Grienke - Royals
sp - Roy Halladay - Blue Jays
sp - CC Sabatia – Yankees Andrew Bailey –A’s
sp - Mark Buehrle - White Sox
sp - Josh Beckett - Red Sox
sp - Justin Verlander – Tigers
rp - Bobby Jenks - White Sox Edwin Jackson - Tigers
rp - Brian Fuentes - Angels
cl - Jonathon Papelon - Red Sox
rp - Frank Francisco – Rangers Tim Wakefield – Red Sox
rp - George Sherrill – Orioles Felix Hernandez - Mariners
rp - Mariano Rivera - Yankees
rp - Joe Nathan - Twins

NL Starters (8)
c - Brian McCann – Braves – (named reserve)
1b - Albert Pujols - Cardinals
2b - Chase Utley - Phillies
ss - Hanley Ramirez - Marlins
3b - David Wright - Mets
of - Ryan Braun - Brewers
of - Raul Ibanez - Phillies
of - Carlos Beltran - Mets

NL Reserves (13 12)
c - Yadir Molina – Cardinals (named starter)
c - Benji Molina - Giants
1b - Prince Fielder - Brewers
1b - Adrian Gonzalez - Padres
2b - Brandon Phillips – Reds Orlando Hudson - Dodgers
2b - Freddie Sanchez - Pirates
ss - Yunel Escobar – Braves Ryan Howard - Phillies
ss - Miguel Tejada - Astros
3b - Ryan Zimmerman - Nationals
of - Brad Hawpe - Rockies
of - Adam Dunn – Nationals Hunter Pence, Astros
of - Alfonso Soriano – Cubs Justin Upton, Dbacks
of - Carlos Lee - Astros


NL Pitchers (1213)
sp - Johan Santana - Mets
sp - Matt Cain - Giants
sp - Yovanni Gallardo – Brewers – Jason Marquis, Rockies
sp - Chris Carpenter – Cards – Ryan Franklin, Cards
sp - Wandy Rodriguez – Astros – Tim Lincecum, Giants
sp - Dan Haren - Dbacks
sp - Chad Billinsgly - Dodgers
rp - Heath Bell - Padres
rp - Jonathan Broxton - Dodgers
rp - Francisco Rodriguez - Mets
cl - Trevor Hoffmann – Brewers – Ted Lilly, Cubs / Josh Johnson, Marlins
rp - Francisco Cordero - Reds

Riddle Me This:

There's been some much-ballyhooed scuttlebutt on the Interwebs about the Brewers trading Jon Hart, with the most recent suggestion being a trade to Atlanta for Javier Vasquez. Perhaps not surprisingly, there's been a range of reactions to the thought of trading Hart, from "Fuck and yes, sign me up!" to "Is that really all we can get for a guy who was an All-Star last year?" to "Oh no you di'int, nobody's taking my man."

More and more, I find myself in the first category. Admittedly, when I was president of the Corey Hart "I Am A MAN" Club, I would have found such talk blasphemous. But now, it's starting to look an awful lot like we've got another Scott Podsednik on our hands.

You remember Scotty Po's absurd 2003 line, right? .314/.379/.443, with an OPS+ of 116. Then there was the nosedive the following year: .244/.313/.364, with a putrid OPS+ of 75.

In 2007, Jon Hart went 295/.353/.539, for a tasty OPS+ of 126. Then there was the kick-in-the-dick season of '08: .268/.300 (seriously -- it pisses me off just to type that)/.459, with his OPS+ nosediving to a below-league-average 96. And, of course, this year's been more of the same, with Jon putting up a .249/.320/.420 line and an OPS+ of 95 through half-a-season.

Now, Brewers fans, in general, appeared to be on board when Podsednik got dealt to the Chi Sox, but there seems to be more resistance to the idea of trading Hart. I see three reasons (apart from the fact that Podsednik pissed off a lot of boyfriends by fucking everything that wasn't nailed down) -- tell me if you think there are more (or if you think people are OK with trading Hart):

(1) Even on the heels of that stinkbomb '04 season, Podsednik still netted Carlos Lee in a trade, when all El Caballo did in '04 was put up a .305/.366/.525 line, with 31 bombs and an OPS+ of 127. Any way you slice it, that's a hell of a get in exchange for a dude who's basically the white version of Tony Gwynn, Jr. (though, in fairness to Jr., he's a good deal better with the glove than Podsedik ever was). Thus, the question (as raised above): Why can't we get more for Hart?

(2) Podsednik, in his rookie year, was 27. Hart, in his rookie year, was 24. Right or wrong, people seem to believe that there's still a chance that, based on his age, Hart has time to develop into a more well-rounded player.

(3) Podsednik was plucked off the junk pile, while Hart's homegrown -- and was an 11th round, high school pick, at that. Having not developed our own talent for so long, maybe there's an inclination to hang on to a guy we actually managed to turn into a serviceable ballplayer.

So, with that, two questions: do you want to trade Hart? And, if not, why not?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Cubs fans Sad...


say... learning a life-long process.

Booyah!. Bats came alive like fireworks for the 4th.

Coolest bar ever... Langes on Southport. I owned the juke box... fit but you know... daft punk is playing at my housr... ziggy stardust... awesome.

Brewers win!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Asian chicks love the kosuke...




Everybody loves an Asian chick... as for the game, I will leave it to the great Harry Doyle...

Ball four...ball eight...and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on 12 consecutive pitches. How can these guys lay off pitches that close??

Ouch...

My head hurts from drinking WAY too much Old Style.



I think the JSonline article "Pow! Right in the kisser!" McDouche pitched a Suppan-esque 1st inning giving up a 3 run dinger to D Lee... who then proceeded to hit a Grand Slam later in the game.

I have to say, the Brewers contingent went ape shit when Big Mike Cameron hit his 2 run dinger (that one just barely made it to the 2nd row of left field) and for a moment I thought we had a chance. But, aside from Prince's dinger, the rest of the game was total shit. The only saving grace was that the shalacking was so bad that even the Cubs fans felt bad for me after the game. I met the heir to the Morton Salt fortune and he bought me drinks... that guy loves Dewars and water.

Notes on things I hate about Wrigley Field:
1) Obstructed views - any seat past row 20 is total shit with I-beams blocking the view. I could see righty batters but had to lean over to see lefties.
2) Douchebags... lots of them.
3) Urine troughs
4) Scoreboard technology... lack there of.
5) Pink sports-related items.

That sums up last nights love affair with Wrigley Field.

Time to start pre-gaming for Soup vs. Big Z.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Behind their Lines


I'm in boystown and wishing that I had thought to borrow D3s "L" flag. I gather that they are hard to come by in this neighborhood. The asshole on the corner flies his "W" regardless of the outcome.

I'm enjoying a few New Galrus' within striking distance of the stadium prior to succumbing to tallboys of Old Style. I can't wait to see girls in pink shirts, pink hats, and douchey guys in pink polos with popped collars and frosted tips.

Big East Opponents Announced!!!

It's one of the best days of the year! The MU Big East opponents have been announced! Details are below. We'll have a heck of a home slate. Potential roadies include Cincinnati, DePaul, Seton Hall, St. John's and Villanova. I'm happy with the schedule, should be a very fun home slate.

Home: DePaul, Georgetown, Louisville, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh, Providence, Rutgers, USF, Villanova

Away: Cincinnati, Connecticut, DePaul, Providence, St. John’s, Seton Hall, Syracuse, Villanova, West Virginia

Mirror Opponents: DePaul, Providence, Villanova

The email post...

I'm not sure how many people realize this, and by looking at the inbox it is nobody, but we here at the Buffet have an email account. Look over on the right side of the page. Down a little bit... there you go. Right there. It's a cool gmail account. We here at the Buffet are quite hip. I have been checking it periodically to see what our informed readers are sending to us. Maybe Toddles has responded to the bashing he has received. Maybe MikeHunt wrote to thank us for informing him that he sucks because no one else has obviously ever done that. Well, wait no more. Here is the content of our email account.

Someone calling themselves pineda thinks our name is pantherrants. Pineda also would like to tell us what we should eat. Apparently we can download a 7-day Fat Loss Meal Plan! Holy crap. Why am I not doing this right now?

We then got something from Greggs... another person that thinks we are called pantherrants, about Twitter. I guess the world, or at least this person called Greggs, wants us to Twitter.

An emailer by the name of Miller contacted us and asked if they could tell us a secret. You want to tell us a secret? I don't think that is a good idea. Once the Buffet has a couple of drinks, we open up the vault and nothing is safe. In order to protect you, Miller, I don't want you to tell me your secret.

Thomas also wants to tell us a secret. Is it the same secret that Miller had? I kind of want to know now.

Cervantes emailed us to let us know that we can run a business and all we need is two hours a day. What? Only two hours a day and we can make money? Sounds too good to be true. Why would we keep working our real jobs? Why put in 8 or more hours a day when I can only do 2? I think I'll respond to Cervantes and see what the deal is? There is no way this a scam.

There were also other emails, but that is all we have time for today. I am slightly disappointed that we didn't get any emails about our genitals. Apparently we can all get and keep erections and our stuff is of an adequate size. I guess we got that going for us.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Jody Gerut

Jody Gerut is completely worthless, that is all.

Behind Enemy Lines...


In the office for the last day of work and I am extremely unmotivated. I'm taking a long weekend and hunkering down in enemy territory. I'll try to get updated posts and pics of douchebaggery in action around Wrigley.

I'm not looking forward to the way the rotation has panned out as I was hoping to see Yo in action (Good luck today Yo!):
McDouche/Dumpster
Soup/Big Z
Loop/Dick Hard
Burnsy/Flower Power

However, the bats have come alive for the Crew and the Cubs have been playing like shit lately so it might be a good series. I hope Macha takes full advantage of Big Z's caloric temper.

Aside from Cubs fan douchiness, any predictions on the series?