Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Suppan To DL With TNS

It now appears that Jeff Suppan will NOT be the the fifth starter come Opening Day. Suppan has been placed on the disabled list (due mostly to a 7.71 ERA) with cervical disk pain in his neck.

This leaves the five spot competition open between Narveson and Parra. And, ensures that Rubie's whipping boy Chuckie New Town will be with the Brewers on Opening Day.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Your 2010 Milwaukee Brewers...

So it looks as if the opening day roster is all but set:

SP-Yovani Gallardo
SP-Randy Wolf
SP-Doug Davis
SP-Dave Bush
SP-Jeff Suppan

Closer-Trevor Hoffman
RP-Todd Coffey
RP-LaTroy Hawkins
RP-Claudio Vargas
RP-Chris Narveson
RP-Manny Parra
RP-Mitch Stetter

Odd man out would be Carlos Villanueva who is the only one with a minor league option left. Sending Chuckie down would allow the Crew to maintain the starting pitching depth until someone gets hurt or cut (ahem...Suppan). So don't expect Villanueva to be in AAA for too long.

c-Gregg Zaun
1b-Prince Fielder
2b-Rickie Weeks
ss-Alcides Escobar
3b-Casey McGehee
lf-Ryan Braun
cf-Carlos Gomez
rf-Corey Hart

bench c-George Kottaras
bench if-Craig Counsell
bench of-Jim Edmonds
bench of-Jody Gerut
bench if-Joe Inglett

No major suprises here with Gamel hurt and Edmonds deciding he wants to play again. An all lefty hitting bench is a little bit of a concern.

Opening day is 6 days is almost here!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Following Questions ...

... presented without commercial interruption, are ACTUAL questions fielded by the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's Anthony Witrado during his JSOnline chat today. I have taken no fictional "Chris Capuano once led Tom Haudricourt to believe that he (Tom) had murdered a girl" liberties with these queries.

Again: actual questions, taken by a reputed journalist. Brace yourselves:

Q: GlennInTampa - Mr. Witardo, is there some "equal opportunity"-related reason why you still have a job here when you are worse than Haudricourt (if that's even possible), take shots at the players and have an arrogance that someone of your age and skill level should not have? I really feel sorry for you, kid. And the other readers are getting tired of it. Fear for your job, buddy.

Q: Dontrell, Jax, FL - How's spring training? Is it poppin and crackin like they say?

Q: dmoney, The Mean Streets of Shorewood - How do you pull down so much tail?

Q: Braun Knows - How are your dodgers looking this year traitor?

And damn it all to hell: Anthony actually responded to a question with an LOL:

Ben, East Side - Anthony, The Brewers have decided to memorialize a former owner that has one AL pennant to show for 33 years of ownership. By that logic, should the Yankees build Steinbrenner Airport?

A: Anthony Witrado
- Lol! By that logic they should rename the Bronx after the guy.

I have no words. There are no words.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Brewers Update

And after that disgusting display by Marquette yesterday, I'm happy to be able to turn my focus solely towards discussion of the 2010 Brewers.

Spring Training is in full swing (no pun intended) and here is a quick recap of what we've learned about the teams durability so far.

Mat Gamel has a torn muscle in his throwing arm. This is reportedly the result of him half-assing it and failing to warm-up prior to a batting cage session. As Va Jay Jay noted, hopes were high that Gamel had grown up and become big league savvy. Unfortunately, the current injury reeks of history repeating itself.

Sort of Broken:
Angel Salome, who played part of Spring Training with a bum ankle, has been optioned to Nashville.

Alcides Escobar some serious issues with his teeth.

Veteran reliever, Cubs fans whipping boy, and highly touted off season acquisition, Latroy Hawkins is experiencing shoulder discomfort.

So Broken His Arm Might Fall Off:
Chris Capuno was shut down after experiencing some inflammation in his twice surgically repaired elbow. While the outlook remains favorable (see Hawkins story link) that he may not be broken, I'm not holding out much hope. I say they shoot that arm up with some cortisone and let him pitch until it falls off like G.I. Joe's legs.

Surprisingly Not Broken:
Tom Haudricort says Rickie Weeks is just fine.

Mentally Broken:
Manny Parra continues to be a pitching enigma.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Tourney Time!

If you're stopping by looking for Marquette and other tournament posts, and aren't one to read all the way to the bottom of the page, this is your reminder that you can now find our usual MU shenanigans at There will be game threads for the early games and, of course, a thread for tonight's Marquette-Washington matchup. So check it out and chime in as we continue to analyze (to the best of our limited ability), ridicule and bitch about all the day's action.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Live Blog!! Twins-Orioles

I'm going to make fun of the Twins and Minnesota so follow along if anyone is reading.

Friday, March 12, 2010

A Cubs Hate Post

I know it can be hard on the older child when the family welcomes a new addition. So in order to make The Buffet feel less neglected, here's a little tale that is certain to brighten spirits around here:

So Mrs. Reid's sister and her husband just got back from a trip to Arizona. They were there for a wedding (which was lovely I'm told). After the wedding they venture to a local watering hole across the street from the hotel. This bar, like a lot of bars located by hotels, was not an overly crowded joint, so when they walk in they can't help but notice a large, Venezuelan gentleman sitting at the bar with a couple of buddies (read: cronies). They examined him, and could it be... maybe... yes, yes it is.... it's Carlos Zambrano. So my brother-in-law and his buddy decide they are going to approach "El Toro" and say hello. The walk up to the bar and say something to the effect of "Hey Carlos, congrats on throwing that no-hitter. That was awesome." Short, sweet, respectful. That's probably not what I would've gone with, but to each his own. Zambrano, the stand up guy that he's known to be, shakes their hands says "Thanks guys" and then says "Here have a beer on me," and hands them a beer.

Pretty cool, for a guy that's supposedly a total douchefuck. The guys return to the table, and my bro-in-law takes a swig of the beer that Zambrano had just hooked him up with. Something is not right about this beer. It's warm, and it has a peculiar flavor to it. It doesn't quite register at first, but after a few moments of mental processing it becomes apparent that, while there is beer in there, this isn't just beer -- it's also Carlos Zambrano's SPITTER!!! That's right, that odd flavor was fucking chew and the now noticed flakes in the bottom are NOT extra hops. So in a matter of one swig Big Z goes from being perhaps not as huge a dickhole as everyone says, to being the biggest fuckstick to ever walk the Earth! Way to take care of your fans there Z!!!

So, once this whole scene fully registers in the brains of these gentlemen, the question becomes "What the fuck do we do now?" The answer: Go have words with Big Z. So they head back over to the bar to give Zambrano a piece of their minds. They return to find Big Z and his entourage heading out the door. At this point discretion is the better part of valor and they opt against chasing the douche-nozzle into Arizona night.

So, this year I will be hoping for every pitch that Big Z throws gets lined right back off his person in some way, shape, or form. Not that I didn't want in previous seasons, but this year I'm going to be rooting extra hard. So feel free in joining me in ripping this fucking cock smoker (as if anyone around these parts needed any extra encouragement). Needless to say, I think we have a leader in the clubhouse for the 2010 Biggest Douche in the Universe award.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Cycle of Life...

With the blossoming of the "Anonymous Eagle", does this mean the "Quevedo Buffet" is a dying breed? If so, are we going to enact a proper send off? A eulogy perhaps? Is Juan Acevedo the pallbearer?

Birth Announcement.

Well, it was a lengthy labor, but, after weeks of pushin', our baby is here: has all twelve fingers, and all twelve toes.

Sadly, that means we're going to have to temper the Marquette talk on the Buffet. Happily, that means that the Buffet can go back to its original purpose: stringing together dozens of four-letter words about the Brewers.

Join us, won't you?

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Big East Tournament: Day Two

Rob Frozena is the Air Hockey Champion and tells Mo Acker he has short, stubby arms.....

Kudos to MUTV Sports for the great video.

Rosiak has his preview here.

From - You want mental toughness? Look no further than the Golden Eagles. At one point this season, Marquette won three straight overtime road games in the Big East. Lazar Hayward is one of the most underrated players in the conference, having scored double-digit points in 28 of the team’s 30 games this year.

Notes from yesterday: I'm pretty happy Keno Davis isn't our coach. Playing an up-and-down style is one thing, but playing ole defense in the BEast? Yeah, good luck with that.

And Providence isn't interested in your charity. Seton Hall did everything they could to lose that game last night, just like Marquette did everything to give away the game @ Providence. Thanks but no thanks, says Keno.

If you didn't see the end of the Rutgers - 'Nati game, let me pose this question to you: if, say, the game was decided on a foul call with 1.8 seconds left when Lance Stephenson was bailed out on an out-of-control drive to the hoop, who do you think was the head of the officiating crew? Two guesses, max.

Rubie whiffed on the song for the UCONN - St. John's game. In hindsight, the pick should've been "Quitter," by The Toadies.

And following up with Rubie's post from yesterday, here's your Big East Tournament ... In Song for Day 2 (of 16) ...

Notre Dame vs. Seton Hall - "Layla," by Eric Clapton. Actually, just the coda of "Layla," for the two Good Fellas working the sidelines. Loser gets to meet Jimmy Hoffa.

Cincinnati vs. Louisville - "Medicated Goo," by Traffic. It has nothing to do with the game, and everything to do with Coach Pitino's ding-a-ling. Only one way to get that burning to stop, Slick Rick: a nice salve. (I've also heard that Tea for Dong can help.)

USF vs. Georgetown - "Street Spirit [Fade Out]," by Radiohead. It's not entirely fair, since Georgetown pasted Cincinnati this past weekend, but the Hoyas are limpin' to the finish line. If they didn't have that win over Duke, they might be languishing in Joe Lunardi's Bubble Hell with us.

St. John's vs. Marquette - "The Waiting," Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. Waiting for the game to start, waiting for to load the live box score, waiting for Homer to tell me what actually happened on a play, and, most importantly, waiting for Selection Sunday if we drop this one to the Johnnies.

And last but not least, The Jump Around guy gets a feature story...

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Len Elmore's Basket of Backhanded Compliments

Big East Tournament time is great. A cornucopia of Big East action, plenty of stellar match-ups. Unfortunately, it also means hours of everyone's favorite New Yorker Len Elmore. Since there's a better than even chance he'll call MU's game tomorrow, let's guess which backhanded compliments and comments he'll throw MU's way:
  • These Golden Eagles from Michigan really hustle
  • Lazar Hayward is from Buffalo. That's in New York State, not New York City. But that's better than that pussy hayseed Jimmy Butler, who's from Texas
  • Remember when Levance Fields played for Pitt? That guy was tough because he's from New York
  • This St. John's team really gets after it, a bunch of tough NYC kids
  • Marquette has to play harder, they don't have any talent
  • Marquette finished 11-7 in the Big East, not bad for a team without thumbs
  • Tom Crean did a great job with Marquette this year
  • Marquette hasn't completely fallen on their faces since joining the Big East from the MAC in 1999
  • Buzz Williams had a decent year. Learned everything he knows from my colleague, Fran Fraschilla.
  • Milwaukee's suburban Chicago location helps them get some semi-tough kids from the inner city
  • They have an all-black team (oh wait, that's stuff we hear in Madison)
**Note, I totally stole this idea from Reid**
Add other Len Elmore gems in the comments section

The Big East Tournament ... In Song! Day One (of 16)

I'm bored with the traditional (read: insightful and useful) previews of the Big East tournament. So, keeping with Buffet tradition, let's do something stupid and pointless ...


No, I'm not going to write the song. I'm just going to provide the song that I think most accurately captures the match-up.

Providence vs. Seton Hall: "Check My Brain," by Alice in Chains. It's a Seton Hall game, so you're guaranteed at least one flagrant and/or technical foul, and the latest forecasts call for a 40% chance of Gonzo going bonko. On the other side, Keno Davis' Friars have been party to some epic bed-shittings this season, including the game where Marquette blew an eight-point lead in about 15 seconds. This one might be a hot mess.

UCONN vs. St. John's: "Desperately Wanting," by Better Than Ezra. The Huskies have entered Cornered Raccoon territory, and I imagine they're ready to claw a few eyes and to pass on some rabies. Plus, if they drop this one, they'll have to endure even more "Your women's team could beat your men's team" taunts. Those are hurtful.

Cincinnati vs. Rutgers: "The Battle of Who Could Care Less," by Ben Folds Five. Both teams have some talent. Both teams have a tendency to play undisciplined basketball. Cincinnati, in particular, could have been a team to contend with if they played like they gave a flying fuck. Half-assed chess passes and three-point attempts five seconds into the shot clock? Comin' right up!

DePaul vs. South Florida: "Does Anybody Out There Even Care?" by Lenny Kravitz. I don't have much else to say here. I imagine there will be dribbling. I also imagine that Tracy Webster will take down a whole New York-style pizza by himself after the game. Other than that, I got nuthin'.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

God, I Hate Notre Dame.

Alright, let's get this out of the way.

In a game rife with coaching mistakes -- Buzz's tech in the first half (yes, it was a bad call by the official, but Buzz had to be on guard for the Shitty Official Mistake that's described below, in the "Boner of the Week" section); Mike Brey's decision to play Luke Harangody, when it's clear that 'Gody is now in full-fledged "EWING CAN'T EVEN MOVE" territory*; Buzz failing to convince his team to stop shooting threes when we couldn't hit jack shit all game -- the most frustrating might've been the end of game clusterfuck that led to the game-tying three by Carleton Scott.

* Let's pause to consider how beneficial Harangody's injury was for the Irish. He's a vortex on offense, he's a liability on defense, and it seems like Brey's given up on coaching him. In a nutshell, his injury was the exact opposite of Dom James' injury last year: Dom was our most important player because he made everyone around him better. Harangody makes everyone around him worse. If he makes it in the NBA -- and he won't -- he'd be a great Clipper.

Some people are of the opinion that, with time winding down and your team up by three, you should foul and put the other team on the line. Some say you nut up and play good D. Now, I'm not saying that the strategy is clear-cut one way or the other; some coaches take the foul, some don't. What's frustrating is Buzz's explanation of his philosophy:
"Anytime if we're up by three with less than nine seconds to go in the game, and we're in the bonus, not the double bonus, philosophically I would foul. But not when whoever it is that we would foul, when we go to the free-throw line ... if I can't see the top of our guys' heads, I'm not going to foul. But I think if they're in the 1 and 1 there's a little bit of added pressure because now you have to make the first one, miss the second one, get an offensive rebound and a putback. But it's going to be with less than nine seconds left. But with our current team ... with as many grind-it-out games as we've been a part of, I'm not going to bet on the come bet. I'll just play on the pass line and put odds on the back."
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? Does he want to foul or not?

If this is the way he's talking to the kids in the huddle -- "Boys, I'm gonna play the pass line and put odds on the back" -- it's a wonder our guys have any idea what to do when they take the floor. "OK, guys, coach said we're not supposed to blame the cow when the milk goes sour. That means 2-3 zone ... I think ..."

Anyway, a win would've apparently moved us into Joe Lunardi's stone-cold, lead-pipe lock group. Instead, we're languishing at the top of the bubble heap. Whatever. A win on Wednesday removes all the drama. If we lose to UCONN, it might be an agonizing Selection Sunday.

The Trojan-ENZ "Boner of the Week" Call(s): Jim Burr** has been an official for roughly 82 years. Because of his advanced age, he anticipates calls more than any other official (even Higgins). Yesterday was no exception, as he called two offensive fouls -- one on 'Zar, and one on some Domer who I can't be bothered to remember -- on blatant flops that had minimal contact. It's now gotten to the point where fans can anticipate Burr anticipating the call, such that the booing starts before Jim even blows his whistle.

And special "Die in a fire" wishes go out to James Breeding, the overmatched sonofabitch who pulled a classic Shitty Official Move at the end of the first half, when he whiffed on an obvious travel by Ben Hansbrough and then called a tech on Buzz when Buzz pointed out the error. Missing a call, then T'ing up the coach because you were wrong? Yep. Classic Shitty Official Move. One of my favorites. Die in fire, Other Jim.

** You know the old saying that the best officials are the ones you don't notice? Within about 30 seconds of tipoff, you know that Jim Burr is working the game. In the upset of all upsets, Jim Burr has now moved ahead of Tim Higgins on Rubie's "People Who I'm Going to Kill When Reid Shows Me How to Shoot a Bow-and-Arrow" list. Congratulations, Jim!

Mat Gamel's Wish List

I think it's a good time to take a break from all the Marquette talk for just a bit and turn to our cause of ulcers, the Brewers. It might be hard to believe, but the Crew already has a few spring training games under it's belt. What is also hard to believe is that for several years in a row now, this city is talking about the Brewers in March and dreaming of big things. Some people believe this team can make a run at the post season and make some noise now that they have some serviceable pitching. Others are excited to get back to Miller Park and drink copious amounts of booze and drink and clog their arteries with sausage. And there are some that just want to be good humans. Wait. What?

Haudricourt and Witrado have been publishing stories about the Crew and breaking down each position over at the website for that one paper in town. About a week or so ago they came to the position of third base. There has been some talk about what should happen over there and who should get the job. You've got Casey McGehee who had a break out year in 2009 and even got his name thrown around for National League Rookie of the Year. What might be more impressive than his numbers, is that he put up those numbers on a bum wheel he got repaired this off-season. The other option at third is the Golden Boy (not actually his nickname and I'm pretty sure nobody has ever referred to him as this) Mat Gamel. We all know about Gamel and several people are excited to see what he can do. I personally don't think there is much of a debate and that the job should go to McGehee, but of course Gamel should get a shot and I hope he sticks around performs well since he is probably our first baseman of the future when we let Prince go (and by future I mean a couple years... probably).

The reason I am bringing Gamel up today is because of his quotes at the end of the story about the third base battle. Let's go to the tape, as they say, and check them out.

"I learned you can't just play the game and be a good player," Gamel said. "There's a lot more that comes with being a big-leaguer. It's about how you dress, how you carry yourself off the field, it's about perception. Being late the first day probably gave the wrong idea to a lot of people. It made it seem like I didn't care about my job, and that's not the case.

It seems as if Gamel has grown up a bit and Witrado points that out in the article. The above quote sounds like it came from a kid who has learned from past mistakes and is really trying to make it in the big leagues on more than just his talent. He has the talent, but I have always wondered if all the lights were on upstairs based on some of the things he has done, like showing up late last year.

After that great and very printable quote, Gamel drops this one:

"I have to prove that I am here to work, to be a good teammate, to be a good human."

Yes! I love it. Proving that I am here to work. That's good. That sounds like a kid who has grown up. Being a good teammate. That is something that most everyone loves. Good teammates are fantastic and those of us in the midwest love to hear about how great a teammate someone is. But hold on a second, he's not done. I did not make up that last line. He wants to be a good human. Now, I know what he means and I'm not trying to pick on Gamel here, but that is funny. I wonder what else is on his list of things to be good at?

- good mammal
- good Chinese food orderer
- good Wii player
- good cabby tipper
- good tax filer
- good Miley Cyrus fan

You get the picture and I'm sure you can add better things he wants to be good at in the comments.

Friday, March 5, 2010

That's What They Said

As we get closer to tip off tomorrow here is what people across the country are saying about Marquette basketball.

First off, @SportsBubbler was the first to announce that the field for the CBE Classic was announced and it has Marquette, Duke, Gonzaga and Kansas State. D3 has already bought his tickets.

Must Read The incredible thing about Marquette's reloading season is how the defense has improved. James and McNeal were known as top perimeter defenders -- indeed McNeal was named the league's top defender as a sophomore -- and yet Marquette's defense has gone from eighth best in the league last year to fourth best this season.

Gene Mueller: Those who called for a return to "Warriors" were once seen as noble die-hards who wanted their tradition to live on. Now, they're starting to sound like relics, hoping for a return to days-gone-by that just, plain, isn't going to happen.

Jeff Goodman: I pegged Marquette as an NIT team, maybe even a CBI club. However, Williams has done as impressive a coaching job as anyone in the country and that includes Syracuse head man Jim Boeheim and Kansas State's Frank Martin.

Notre Dame Blog Rakes of Mallow: The game tomorrow in Milwaukee is not a must-win, however it would almost certainly lead to a must-win in the Big East tournament. The Golden Eagles have been quite good this season, but they're not invincible. Big East Awards - Coach of the year, All five experts agreed that Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim would win this award. “I think the candidates are Jim Boeheim, Jamie Dixon and Buzz Williams’’

Black & Green Report: Key Players - #32 Lazar Hayward- 18.0 PPG, 8.0 RPG, 33.5% 3PA- Has been Mr. Reliable for the Golden Eagles this year. Eight double-doubles to his credit.

NCAA Basketball Review: Finishing February with three consecutive away overtime victories over Cincinnati, St. John’s, and Seton Hall showed the kind of grit and determination Marquette has.

Cracked Sidewalks: Marquette’s 21-point domination of Louisville is statistically a very good sign for the post season. That win is the only time this season a team has beaten anyone in the top half of the Big East by 20+ points, and Marquette is now the only team in the Big East to win three conference games by 20+.

And for the hell of it, this one is for D3

The Buzz Dance

The Buzz dance moves - pretty damn scary, but certainly hilarious.

Breaking Down Notre Dame

Some quick hits on the Irish in advance of Saturday’s huge game at the BC.

Harangody’s out and ND improves?
Luke Harangody remains doubtful for tomorrow’s game with a knee bruise. Harangody has missed the last five games, but ND has put up an impressive 3-2 record in his absence, with wins over Pitt, @Georgetown and UConn along with a double overtime loss at UL. Once ND got their sea legs under themselves after the St. John’s loss, they have improved markedly without Harangody. Why? Addition by subtraction defensively and improved team play offensively.

  • Harangody takes a higher percentage of his team’s shots than any other player in the nation. Instead of doubling down on Harangody, teams now have to defend a five headed monster of Tim Abromaitus, Ben Hansbrough, Carleton Scott, Tory Jackson and Tyrone Nash – all average nearly double figures without Harangody
  • A good number of Harangody’s shots are going to Tim Abromaitus, who is a very efficient scorer from 2 point range (49%), 3 point range (37%) and at the line (88%) without Harangody
  • Harangody has never been much for defense, and without him, ND’s defense has generally improved, particularly against UConn on Wednesday. ND has jumped up to the top 200 in KenPom’s defensive efficiency stats. Sadly, that’s a dramatic improvement for the Irish

Irish Offensively
ND is good with the ball – really, really good. They can score with anyone in the nation, clocking in at #2 in KenPom’s offensive efficiency stats. A couple things to consider:

  • ND looks a lot like MU offensively, only better. ND slows the game down and takes care of the ball (#5 in the nation in turnover percentage)
  • ND hits their shots, particularly from 3-land with an e3FG% of 40.8%, effectively tied with MU
  • Abromaitus is clearly their go-to option. He doesn’t have the physical presence of Harangody but he can score in a variety of ways. Unfortunately for ND, he’s been slowing down the last couple of games, going only 11-31 from the field and 1-12 from 3. MU needs to keep him off the line, where he’s an 80%+ shooter

Other factors

  • ND has a very short bench. They only go 6-7 deep. Check out Jack Cooley, he’s an absolute Harangody clone and has averaged 10 minutes off the pine since the big galoot went down
  • ND only has 2 road wins on the year – USF and Georgetown. It will be interesting to see how they handle a revved up Bradley Center

MU wins a fairly close game 65-59. Whoever shoots better from 3 will prevail, but I can't see MU losing on Senior Day in the BC snake pit.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

It's A Trap?

This can't be a coincidence:

We bring Admiral Ackbar, S.J. on board -- and two days later, Fr. Wild announces he's retiring as Marquette's president in June 2011?

I fear we have sinned, and I fear it ain't venial. Sorry, God. Sorry, Jesus. Sorry, saints.

But while we're at it, let's compound those sins by ...


Let's go!

Admiral Ackbar, S.J. - Jesuit in name only. Mon Calimarian, which is good for diversity purposes. Handsome. And he did get everybody to focus their fire on that lead Star Destroyer. Odds: 13-1.

Dwyane Wade, N.B.A. - Let's face it, this guy got more buildings built than the rest of these dudes combined. STD free. Odds: 4-1.

Fr. Tim Lannon, S.J. - Current president at St. Joe's University in Philly. Was formerly
Associate Executive Vice President at Marquette University. Currently a member of MU's Board of Trustees. Admiral Ackbar, S.J. was once his Administrative Assistant. Also: has a sick turnaround jumper. Odds: 2-1.

Fr. Dan McDonald, S.J. - Admiral Ackbar's cousin and priest who presided over his wedding. In 1998, became Executive Director for University Mission and Identity at Marquette. Currently teaching in Italy. Tall. Odds: 8-1.

Jesus H. Christ, S.O.G. - Looking for a comeback. Has had a rough couple of decades. Hopes Buzz needs an extra PG. Odds: 6-1.

Tom Crean, S.O.B. - Lost 20 games so far this season. Tan. NEEDS TO GET YOU INTO THIS '02 CAMRY. THIS BABY RUNS LIKE A DREAM! AND YOU WANNA TALK FEATURES ... Odds: 1,000,000 to 1

Fr. Wild pulls a Favre and decides not to retire. Odds 3-1.

Fr. Wild goes to St. Thomas in Minnesota. Odds 6-1


Corey Hart Not Terrible Just Blind

Apparently the slide in Corey Hart's performance can be attributed to nearsightedness. Correcting the problem will be as simple as sporting some Horace Grant goggles.

Trouble tracking down balls in the outfield. Swinging at balls in the dirt. Failing to draw walks. Absolute suckitude. Yeah, not his fault at all. I bet you all feel like total douche-nozzles right now for criticizing the poor guy.

Hart will not be the first professional baseball player to sport the goggles. Chris Sabo had a decent career and even served as the inspiration for a Cincinnati Reds fan blog.

While "I wear my goggles at night" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, I am excited for possible fan promotions that can be spawned from this change:
  • Corey Hart bobblehead with special edition alternate road goggles.

  • Miller High Life Corey Hart beer-goggle night (featuring Wendell of course).

I'm sure there are more, feel free to add any suggestions in the comments section.

What Is Mike Brey's Mock Turtle Covering?

As we sit and patiently wait for Saturday afternoon to get here, let us get the Notre Dame hate rolling. So let's talk about last night......

Notre Dame vs. UConn was like watching Big Ten Basketball. 17 points for the Fighting Irish in the first half? Just ugly. Neither one of those teams belong in the NCAA tournament.

Apparently Mike Brey would prefer to look like Tim Robbins' Public TV News Anchor from the movie Anchorman.

Nothing sets off Chris Hansen's pervert alert more than a turtleneck and jacket.

So let's play a little game called "What Is Mike Brey's Mock Turtle Covering?"

The possibilities for answers are endless, have at it in the comments.

(note this idea was stolen from Rubie)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Safety Dance

Ok, so that's probably a lame blog post title, but whatever. We're dancing.

Defying common sense, Marquette will have their name called on Selection Sunday.

Marquette has now won 20 games for the 5th straight season. MU took over sole possession of 5th place in the Big East. Think about that again for a second. A team that 99% of the country expected to see at the bottom of the Big East is two buzz beaters away from finishing in the top 4. Unreal.

During Louisville's run to cut it to 10, Rubie texted saying Buzz was doing an "awful" job coaching. Of course Rubie never texted when MU was up 46-23 saying he was doing a great job.

Just some quick hitters:

- Joe Fulce is coming around at the exact time they need him. MU's ability to extend a 5 point lead to a 10 point lead, with Butler and Hayward on the bench was nothing short of amazing.

- DJO's dunk at the end of the game was just filthy.

- MU's ability to shut down Samuels and keep him scoreless for the first 38 minute was the reason MU won.

- MU should be at worst a 7 or 8 seed in the NCAA's. Anything higher than a 8 is miscarriage of justice.

- I missed Buzz's dance at the end. Apparently he makes me look like Fred Astaire.

- Tim Higgins? Still sucks.

From the Louisville Courier: If it’s possible to undo a month’s worth of NCAA Tournament resume building, the University of Louisville men’s basketball team did it Tuesday night at Marquette.

Todd Rosiak: "Nobody thought we'd show up tonight, either," coach Buzz Williams said. "That's part of what gives me my edge, professionally and personally. That's how I live and how I coach. When we played South Florida they were the hottest team in the league, leading scorer in the country, and then when we beat them it was, 'You’ve got to beat a tournament team.'

The man who combs his hair with a brick: Among MU lore, you could file it between a pretty good Al McGuire season and a good Bob Dukiet season, as if either exists in the mind.

Rosiak has more here.

The guys from MUTV Sports have a great postgame report.

Our soon-to-be compadre at SB Nation, Card Chronicle has some hate issues.

UofL makes MU look really good.

Even a Badger fan has nice things to say about MU.

Postgame video of DJO

And the game highlights

So...That Happened, Right?

I still can't get over last night's win. A 21 point drubbing of the 'Ville to secure MU's spot in the tourney. Zar's dunk, DJO's putback, Karen Sypher chants - it was all good.

Rubes - you'd be proud to know that I dropped the "Paging Samardo Samuels" line with 5 minutes left. The Ville fans in front of me were none too pleased.

Reid and I drank way too many cocktails postgame, including the infamous "One more and then we'll go." As a result, I'm hanging a bit today, but don't really care.

We're dancin' boys!!

Caption Slick Rick

Since video of DJO's filthy dunk isn't on youtube yet, let's have some fun at Mr. Pitino's expense.

Seems to be channeling Bo Ryan a bit in that picture.

Leave your clever caption in the comments.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

No Donnie, these men are nihilist

Unrelated to Marq basketball but still fun to talk about Lebowski news:

First, Lebowski fest is coming to Chicago Sept 17th and 18th. I know it's a ways out, but it might be something fun to do and a reason to get out of town for a weekend.

Second, I just discovered this new movie about the cult following of Lebowski fans...maybe we should give it a rent and check it out over a few beers? The Achievers

Finally, give me your best/favorite quote....

Its Game Day Bitches...

Well its 8:10 am and I'm already fired up for tonight's HUGE game at the BC. Apparently its Al's night and they are re-doing the intro video for the occasion. Louisville scares the hell out of me but I think Buzz and the boys are riding a nice little wave right now so I'll say we pull this one out 75-71, perhaps in overtime again. Keys to the game:

-Shooting Percentage-The Ville likes to jack up shots and MU will probably have to take a lot of jumpers and 3 pointers against the stupid 2-3 zone so whichever team is shooting the ball better will have a better chance to win (how do you like that for in depth analysis)
-Turnovers-MU has been pretty good in this department, but not as good as of late. We need to take care of the ball against the Louisville pressure and not give away possessions
-Second Chance Points-We might get killed on the boards tonight but we can't give them second chance points when they have the ball.
-Foul Trouble-We did a real nice job against Monroe earlier this year but Zar, Jimmy, Fulce, and maybe even E-Will need to try and keep Samuels in check but avoid picking up stupid fouls.
-Free Throws-We need to get to the line a lot tonight because if we do it means we are attacking the zone, getting good dribble penetration, and forcing them to foul us. Plus we are a pretty decent foul shooting team.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Olympics bring out the beauty of sport

The Winter Olympics came to a close yesterday with all the pageantry one can imagine*, forcing us back into our dull and uninteresting lives suddenly bereft of the beauty of sport.

* - And I'll have to imagine, because I didn't watch the closing ceremonies. I did hear about the inflatable beavers. Next Christmas, my yard will have one.

The Games have a strange effect on society. Suddenly, by the virtue of international competition and unparalleled pageantry, we're strangely drawn to watch sports we'd never consider bearing witness to in a non-Olympic period. Curling. Ice Dancing. Acrostic poetry**.

** - Not actually an Olympic sport. But admit it - you wouldn't be shocked to discover it is.

The Olympics are more than just a sporting event: they're an inspiration for millions of potential young athletes to work their hearts out trying to get good at semi obscure-to-completely unknown sports in an effort to be a part of a sporting event that's irrelevant for nearly four full years in between the two week spans where no one talks about anything else.

Here in Appleton, I witnessed the effect first hand today. At roughly 4 pm, a young, heavy-set boy came home from school, presumably ate an entire box of Twinkies in one sitting, then suddenly remembered his dream: he was going to be the next Shaun White.

So, on a warm winter day not unlike those recently experienced in Vancouver, our young friend ventured outside for what appeared to be the first time in a very long time, positioned himself at the top of his slightly sloping front yard, and stepped onto a snowboard. And, for one brief moment in time, he was Shaun White.

One very brief moment in time.

You see, our friend here mustn't have spent too much time looking at Shaun White's feet. If he had, he might have noticed that White's boots lock into his snowboard, which keeps his snowboard from shooting out from under him and dumping him on his ass.

But, this young man didn't know about these "boots." So he just stepped on the snowboard and started riding...for roughly half a second. Then he leaned back too far, the board shot out from under him, he fell on his ass and the board shot into traffic, smacking squarely into the side of my car.

Today's story has a happy ending: I checked when I got home and my car wasn't damaged, and now I get to write a blog post making fun of a fat kid. But it could have been much worse: If my car had been damaged, I clearly would have blamed Shaun White.

After all, if he hadn't gone out and been so inspirational, this fat, uncoordinated little shit would have stayed inside and played video games like the rest of us did.

Pitino Welcome Wagon

I have acquired good seats very close the UL bench. Any suggestions from the peanut gallery on how Quevedo at the Buffet can help welcome Ricky P to the BC? And we wondered several years ago how Ricky got his UTI...

Just The Way We Drew It Up.

Of course, everyone knows that the easiest way to win three straight Big East road games is to take each of those games to overtime, and then to: win by three when a senior shooting guard (and, until this season, a big-time player) misses a wide open triple that would've sent the game to double OT; win on a last second shot against a desperate opponent on said desperate opponent's senior day; and win against a desperate opponent on said desperate opponent's senior day after said desperate opponent's shooting guard puts up 10 points in the span of about 20 seconds. Respectively.

Here's my plea to the Marquette Golden Eagles: next season, give me some blowouts. If you lose a couple games by 12 or 14, I'll be OK with that.* If you win a couple by 12 or 14, even better. But, please, don't take every single game down to the wire. I'm 29 going on 48, thanks to this season.**

* I won't be OK with that, but my heart will.

** And my hairline is going on 60. (I'll make the joke for you, assholes.)

Game MVP: It's tempting to give it to Lazar, who moved past Dom James into third place on the career MU scoring list, but he gets minor demerit points for admitting that he would've preferred Jimmy Clutch to take the shot on the final possession in regulation. So, this award goes to the Cubillionaire, who, probably for the first time in his career, looked to drive instead of launching threes. The results were outstanding, as Cubbie put up 16 points.

The Brian Barone Unsung Hero: ... might have to take a hiatus for this game, since Dwight Buycks -- who was starting to assert himself in his role as sixth man -- got left home with the sniffles and Joe Fulce remembered that he's Joe Fulce and played like Joe Fulce. So: any nominees? Maybe it's Mo Acker, who calmly drained four throws in the last minute of OT. Actually, here's a better one: Seton Hall coach Bobby Gonzalez, who provided the margin of victory by getting himself T'ed up in the first half. Thanks, coach!

The Trojan-ENZ Boner of the Week Call: Because I'm a DISH subscriber, I didn't get to see the game yesterday, and had to listen to Homer's call and follow on my phone. It didn't sound like there were any terribly egregious calls, though I'm interested in hearing opinions on DJO's foul on Jeremy Hazell with 25 seconds left.

Take your vitamins and have an extra cup of coffee tomorrow, kids: U of L (clap clap) and its horndog coach come to town at 8:30 p.m.