Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Big East Tournament ... In Song! Day One (of 16)

I'm bored with the traditional (read: insightful and useful) previews of the Big East tournament. So, keeping with Buffet tradition, let's do something stupid and pointless ...

LET'S PREVIEW THE BIG EAST TOURNEY IN SONG!

No, I'm not going to write the song. I'm just going to provide the song that I think most accurately captures the match-up.

Providence vs. Seton Hall: "Check My Brain," by Alice in Chains. It's a Seton Hall game, so you're guaranteed at least one flagrant and/or technical foul, and the latest forecasts call for a 40% chance of Gonzo going bonko. On the other side, Keno Davis' Friars have been party to some epic bed-shittings this season, including the game where Marquette blew an eight-point lead in about 15 seconds. This one might be a hot mess.

UCONN vs. St. John's: "Desperately Wanting," by Better Than Ezra. The Huskies have entered Cornered Raccoon territory, and I imagine they're ready to claw a few eyes and to pass on some rabies. Plus, if they drop this one, they'll have to endure even more "Your women's team could beat your men's team" taunts. Those are hurtful.

Cincinnati vs. Rutgers: "The Battle of Who Could Care Less," by Ben Folds Five. Both teams have some talent. Both teams have a tendency to play undisciplined basketball. Cincinnati, in particular, could have been a team to contend with if they played like they gave a flying fuck. Half-assed chess passes and three-point attempts five seconds into the shot clock? Comin' right up!

DePaul vs. South Florida: "Does Anybody Out There Even Care?" by Lenny Kravitz. I don't have much else to say here. I imagine there will be dribbling. I also imagine that Tracy Webster will take down a whole New York-style pizza by himself after the game. Other than that, I got nuthin'.

19 comments:

EMoney said...

While not as insightful as a Jay Bilas breakdown, it is creative none the less.

I still can't figure out who I want to win the St.Johns/UConn game. Do we really want to face a desperate UConn team that provides the most difficult matchup for MU? While beating a talented UConn team pads the resume a bit, I fear a beat down by the Huskies could also ensue.

On the other hand, do we want to face a mediocre St.Johns team in their own gym just weeks after we stunned them in OT? While they pose as a lesser opponent when compared to UConn, a loss to them is far more damaging. There are some talking heads out there that don't have MU as a lock. That being said, if the NCAA committee agrees with that notion, losing to St.Johns would make for an awfully nerve wracking Selection Sunday.

Thoughts?

Rubie Q said...

I'm terrified of the potential UCONN match-up. If they shred St. John's today, look out.

EMoney said...

Rubie - maybe you and I should just text back and forth as the participation in this blog seems to be lacking of late. Is blogging becoming obsolete already? Maybe we're not cool anymore.

Anyhow Rubie, St.Johns/UConn about to tip off. And I agree...beware of the Huskies! I suspect they are going to come out pissed off after Calhoun's benchings last weekend.

Gotta love Conference Championship week! How am I supposed to work with the Garden going Ape right now?

PaulNoonan said...

The answer, when someone asks you if you want to play against Uconn or St. John's is always St. John's. I don't care how bad Uconn is.

Shouldn't the song for any game involving DePaul be Ben Folds's Brick, both because it will include many of them, and because the game will be an abortion of basketball?

Master Reid said...

I do loves some Championship Week. Did you watch the Colonial, MAAC, and WCC championships last night? Some decent games there.
And I am really fired up for the Horizon league championship tonight!

Actually, scratch that last part. No I'm not.

Anyways, I don't think a loss to UConn damages us too badly, unless they just mop the fucking floor with us. While that isn't likely, it is possible. A dump-trucking by UConn may actually make us look worse than a squeaker loss to an upstart, Cinderella-ish St. John's team, playing in front of their home fans, etc., etc.

Rubie Q said...

Paul: I already had one Ben Folds song in the chute. Two would've caused uncontrollable mocking.

$: We were never cool.

Thus far, UCONN isn't looking like a cornered animal. Maybe a cornered hamster.

PaulNoonan said...

"$: We were never cool."

Not enough Ben Folds/BTE references, I'll bet.

Rubie Q said...

Ouch. A Better Than Ezra slap. Hurtful.

Conn down 13, Calhoun about to start stabbing players in the face, and they haven't scored a bucket in more than five minutes. Not pretty.

Devil's Threesome said...

UConn down 17. I'd gladly face SJU over UConn. When in doubt, prefer to face the less talented team, especially when they aren't a disciplined team.

PaulNoonan said...

That was only partially in jest. I've seen BTE live at least a dozen times.

And I can sing just like Ben folds if I cram cotton balls up my nose.

EMoney said...

St.Johns may be a reality here. Up 10 with 15 to play. That is a ton of time however.

PaulNoonan said...

Yeah, it's not over yet. According to Bill James, in basketball a lead isn't safe until ((x-3)+or-.5)^2 > S where x is the number of points ahead and S = the number of seconds left. You add or subtract .5 points depending on who has the ball. (add .5 if the leading team has the ball, subtract .5 if they do not.)

PaulNoonan said...

Right now the lead is only 29% safe.

PaulNoonan said...

UConn should be ashamed of this performance.

EMoney said...

Biggest underachievers in the nation!

Down 20!!!!

Devil's Threesome said...

"Not a dime, not a dime back."

Rubie Q said...

Most talented 17-15 team in the country. Congratulations, UCONN! That's a well-earned distinction.

Softball's Tony Gwynn said...

"... with effort, with unabided team effort, enthusiasm, you can accomplish a great deal. I keep pointing to Marquette, who continues to prove that game after game after game. Yes, they have some pretty good players, but they're not the fifth best team in this league. But they finished fifth because they play hard every minute."

I'm sure you've all seen this quote from Jim Calhoun...at first i wasn't sure if this was an actual compliment or an insult but after today's performance i'll go with the former as he'd probably love to coach our team. enjoy the NIT bitches!

Rubie Q said...

I think that was a compliment, delivered in Calhoun's inimitable way.