I'm bored with the traditional (read: insightful and useful) previews of the Big East tournament. So, keeping with Buffet tradition, let's do something stupid and pointless ...
LET'S PREVIEW THE BIG EAST TOURNEY IN SONG!
No, I'm not going to write the song. I'm just going to provide the song that I think most accurately captures the match-up.
Providence vs. Seton Hall: "Check My Brain," by Alice in Chains. It's a Seton Hall game, so you're guaranteed at least one flagrant and/or technical foul, and the latest forecasts call for a 40% chance of Gonzo going bonko. On the other side, Keno Davis' Friars have been party to some epic bed-shittings this season, including the game where Marquette blew an eight-point lead in about 15 seconds. This one might be a hot mess.
UCONN vs. St. John's: "Desperately Wanting," by Better Than Ezra. The Huskies have entered Cornered Raccoon territory, and I imagine they're ready to claw a few eyes and to pass on some rabies. Plus, if they drop this one, they'll have to endure even more "Your women's team could beat your men's team" taunts. Those are hurtful.
Cincinnati vs. Rutgers: "The Battle of Who Could Care Less," by Ben Folds Five. Both teams have some talent. Both teams have a tendency to play undisciplined basketball. Cincinnati, in particular, could have been a team to contend with if they played like they gave a flying fuck. Half-assed chess passes and three-point attempts five seconds into the shot clock? Comin' right up!
DePaul vs. South Florida: "Does Anybody Out There Even Care?" by Lenny Kravitz. I don't have much else to say here. I imagine there will be dribbling. I also imagine that Tracy Webster will take down a whole New York-style pizza by himself after the game. Other than that, I got nuthin'.