Thursday, March 4, 2010

Corey Hart Not Terrible Just Blind


Apparently the slide in Corey Hart's performance can be attributed to nearsightedness. Correcting the problem will be as simple as sporting some Horace Grant goggles.


Trouble tracking down balls in the outfield. Swinging at balls in the dirt. Failing to draw walks. Absolute suckitude. Yeah, not his fault at all. I bet you all feel like total douche-nozzles right now for criticizing the poor guy.


Hart will not be the first professional baseball player to sport the goggles. Chris Sabo had a decent career and even served as the inspiration for a Cincinnati Reds fan blog.

While "I wear my goggles at night" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, I am excited for possible fan promotions that can be spawned from this change:
  • Corey Hart bobblehead with special edition alternate road goggles.

  • Miller High Life Corey Hart beer-goggle night (featuring Wendell of course).

I'm sure there are more, feel free to add any suggestions in the comments section.

10 comments:

Rubie Q said...

I request a change in the title of the post:

"Corey Hart Terrible, Also Blind"

EMoney said...

Did Ken Macha get this idea from watching Major League in the offseason? I lose confidence in the Crew when Macha begins taking ideas from Lou "tire man" Brown.

klwillis45 said...

This is not the beginning E$. Don't forget he kept running Kendall out there to try and get HBPs.

Rubie Q said...

And he's got a guy on the line about a set of white walls.

Master Reid said...

Chris Sabo references = ALWAYS FUNNY!

Mr. Sparkle said...

Reid, the Chris Sabo baseball almanac page is avaiable for sponsorship.

Devil's Threesome said...

We could up it to 3 since we already sponsor Lew Ford and Keith Ginter. Is Ruben available? That's a natural fit (46" waist, elastic)

Mr. Sparkle said...

Yes, Ruben is also available. So many choices, so little capital.

Rubie Q said...

Dude, we already sponsor Ruben.

http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/q/queveru01.shtml

Mr. Sparkle said...

Not on baseball almanac though. We need to diversify the portfolio.